Scarleteen

Okay so I have a few questions and also things I really want to say but can't to anybody at home or around me. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now and this is my first serious relationship. I really do care about him a great deal and he does the same with me. I had done nothing sexual other than masterbation before meeting him whereas he has been with many girls and has done basically everything except sex. The first thing that I can't seem to get over is the feeling that I am not good enough for him. He has been with very "expirienced" girls and because I know nothing I feel like i'm not good enough and have this silly fear he will leave me, although we have discussed this and he has never pressured me into anything I just get worried I am going too slow for him. Today, him and I were home alone and things started to get intense and he asked me if I could give him a hand job. He has asked a few other times but when saying no he has been 100% fine with it, understanding that I don't feel ready. Although now, I do feel ready but can't bring myself to say yes as I have this intense fear of dissapointing him and not being good enough. Although he was fine with me saying no I feel like I am letting him down and don't know how I can give myself an extra little push to get over my nerves.. The last issue I have is that after he has came, he goes to the bathroom to clean up and then then comes back and isn't in the mood at all. I don't mind this so much but its more the fact that he won't even happily kiss me or be playful with me. He doesn't intend for it to be like this but it makes me feel like he only likes me when he is 'in the mood.' He is so loving and sweet to me and doesn't push me into anything I don't want to do but some advice for these three things that have been bothering me would be amazing.. I don't know what else to do anymore and it makes me sad.
- Rebecca

Hi missbecg,

I think something that can help, when you have a partner with more sexual experience than you, is to remember that, even if he's been sexual with other people, he's never been with you before. So you two are actually on equal footing when it comes to getting to know each others bodies and likes/dislikes when it comes to sex. Because what pleases one partner won't always work for another, so experience does not mean being magically good in bed. Things like communication are actually way more important to how sex goes than how many people you've been with. Does that make sense?

As for the other issue, have you brought up your feelings around him not wanting to touch or connect with you after sexual stuff to him? If you did, what did he say? And if not, then that's step one, as he may not know that you're feeling the way that you are.