Scarleteen

Dear Scarleteen staff,

I'm over 25 and very mindful and respectful of the community guidelines. I also understand that its' a busy time for the staff here so I will understand if this post isn't answered right away

There aren't too many places online or people in person I can get good perspective on this.

I have had the good fortune to engage in healthy interactions with 2 partners (one of whome I knew and engaged with several years, and other interaction was a nifty friendship that developed too within the same time period(ie, over the course of weeks/months) that I was very comfortable with.

However, I did feel that uncomfortable * slightly * with it, as if I was "semi-"cheating" with one without the other. It was a very relaxed, non-commited interactions so this isn't a case of me "deceiving" them at all (just to clarify), but rather my own ideas about it.

Of course it could be due to:

1 ) sexual shame/guilt : I read the article on this top and realize that perhaps my internalized conditional belief is that It's something wrong to engage with two partners at the same month even in a non-commital/exclusive relationship. It sort of surprised me actually b.c I often thought that people who were having such "casual" engagments must be {insert common sterotypical labels here}. To actually experience in myself in such ways was an illuminating experience. But perhaps it also was little uncomfortable for me b.c of the # 2 below.

2) my own internal capacity to engage with someone with requires attention, care even in the most relaxed "casual" interactions and maybe 2 partners in the same months deterred me from my own self-care and attention .

3) I remember that as a child, I played with several people in my street and neighborhood. Every friend and play date was different - I never compared the two, nor did I ever or the thought of playing with one friend or making /discovering a new friend interfered with my valuation of another friendship. I like to think of this as similar.

I don't have any specific questions, but wanted to put it out there and here from experienced educated sensitive volunteer who has perhaps been in a similar situation.
Thanks again.

Hi orangeblue,

I think you've hit on the likely explanations for what you've been feeling The good news is that you're already doing the hard part, which is paying attention to how you're feeling about sexual choices and trying to decide what to do about those feelings or what might be causing them.

Something that might help, especially if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, is to always make sure that you and the people you're involved with have had a very explicit conversation about what's okay in terms of doing sexy things with other people (you may already be doing this, but it never hurts to reiterate). That way, you can head off the guilt, as well as avoid sticky situations where one person thinks things are more casual than the other person does.