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Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
katkit0598
not a newbie
Posts: 40
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 5:15 pm
Age: 26
Primary language: English
Location: United States

Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Unread post by katkit0598 »

My boyfriend and I are both 17, he is almost 18 and we have been in a relationship for 3 years. We've been sexually active for a little more than a year and were both very comfortable with one another and expressing our wants, needs and limits.(both in the bed and out :p) I think im a decent girlfriend and def want to pleasure him however i can.

Recently my boyfriend has started asking about me fingering him. It started playfully. He kinda joked about the idea of him getting fingered. Over time hes talked about it here and there, kinda trying to be nonchalaunt about it. Finally today hes basically told me quite clearly that he wants to try it.

I'm not sure where to start. The idea of it is a little weird to me, however i would still like to try it since its something he would like. I feel comfortable doing it, im just weary. to be blunt: hes slipped a finger in my anus a few times and I didn't hate it, but it also wasnt something i was begging for in the future. i told him this and he doesnt really do it any more :p But he still seems interested in recieving it.

Im willing to try it on him because its something he wants and if it feels good, thats great. But i feel like im going into unchartered territory. I have no idea what im doing. how do I make him feel good in that way?
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi katkit0598,

For the basics of how to do this safely, this article is great: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... ex_lowdown
It boils down to going slow, using lots of lube, and using either a glove or a condom as a barrier. So, as long as you're both up for it, that will help you do it safely.

Too, just want to check, does he often do things (like the anal fingering) without asking you explicitly first?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
katkit0598
not a newbie
Posts: 40
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 5:15 pm
Age: 26
Primary language: English
Location: United States

Re: Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Unread post by katkit0598 »

Sorry what I said didnt come out right. The phrase I used: "hes slipped a finger in my anus a few times" made it sound as though it was without my explicit permission. He always asks "can I" or "may I" or "are you ok with ____" before doing anything, especially before something new. He did ask me and I allowed him those few times. I was ok withe the act, I didnt have a problem with it (i still dont). It just wasnt something I thought felt good enough where I felt the need to ask do it again :P

Thank you for your help! :) I'll be sure to readd the article.
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Unread post by Sam W »

No worries, just wanted to check in. I hope you find it helpful :)
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
katkit0598
not a newbie
Posts: 40
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 5:15 pm
Age: 26
Primary language: English
Location: United States

Re: Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Unread post by katkit0598 »

The article was indeed very helpful for me!! thanks!! In addition to the article? Do you know of any tips/resources where I can learn how? as in... what to do once im "in" :p. Sounds funny but I just want an Idea of what im doing :p
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Boyfriend wants me to finger him

Unread post by Sam W »

I think communication is the biggest key. So, checking in with him saying "hows this?" or "do you like this?" and asking him to chime in if he wants to do anything differently. Beyond that, you can't vary speed much in the beginning (it's best to start slow), by you can try vary the motion of your finger/hand.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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