Scarleteen

About a month ago i was raped by my boyfriend. I consented at first but the i didnt and he keep going. This was about in April or May. I dont feel raped though. When i think of rape victims i think of like them having flash backs and panic attacks and therapy. But i dont feel like I need that. I just feel like i already forgave him for it and we moved on. I kind of also feel like i need to break up wit him but i cant because one hes also abusive and i love him to much. He is my first love, he was my 'first' at everything. I'm feeling so shitty now. I just realized that i was raped about 10 minutes and I called a Sexual Abuse/Rape hotline and the lady told me that my situation was raped. I'm going to call him soon to talk about it. He just makes me feel like i need to forgive him because he starts to cry and im a sucker for that. I just really need support and for someone to tell me its going to be fine. I have no one to talk about this to they would get mad at me for having sex or want to call the police. I dont want that. Someone just please help me as soon as possible. Thanks

I'm so sorry your boyfriend sexually assaulted you.

There's no one way someone who has survived rape feels afterward, and we don't always feel the same way at one given time. So, even just one survivor can feel one way in a given month, year or decade, and differently another.

Personally, I would not advise contacting him, especially since you seem to know how vulnerable you are with him - on top of clearly unsafe - and sense he will try to emotionally manipulate you to get what he wants for himself.

It is going to be okay: you can survive this. But the way to do that is to do all you can to keep your focus on caring for yourself, and keeping yourself away from anyone who you know, as you do with him, not only will not support your healing, but is not safe to be around.