Scarleteen

There’s a guy I see frequently (We're in a small major together in school, we live in the same dorm) who has sexually harassed a number of girls in my group of friends. And now recently a close friend told me he raped her a year ago. (The statute of limitations has passed.)
I don't trust him. Most of my friends and I do what we can to avoid him.
However. My roommate/close friend is dating him. She knows about his bad behavior towards her friends. She knew about it when she started dating him. Maybe she doesn't believe it. Maybe she doesn't care. She refuses listen to their claims that she's dating an asshole.
Knowing about this guy's general creepiness and having seen this friend disappear almost completely from our social circle to spend all her free time alone with him makes me worry he is abusing/manipulating/being an asshole to her.
I've been told that often people put up with abusive relationships because they feel they have no social support outside the abuser.
So the very last thing we, her friends, should do is let her disappear. In case she is being emotionally manipulated/abused/whatever, I want to show her that she has a network of friends other than him who care about her and support her. She won't spend time with friends without him though, and none of us (especially not the people he has harassed/assaulted) want to be around him.
What do you suggest I do?

Hi themathgirl,

First off-welcome to Scarleteen!

I am so sorry to hear about the position you are in. First of all, are any of the survivors of sexual harassment and/or rape seeking counseling? Would you like resources for your area should they want them?

Regarding your friend--this might be simultaneously a great & a disappointing for you--you are doing exactly what you should be as her friend. Seeing as she refused any conversation about this up to this point, the best thing you can do is let her know she has friends and that you are there for her. Not pushing this is also important, smothering her with the idea, but it sounds like you are also doing that already Unfortunately, we can't give our loved ones the glasses with which we want them to perceive reality, not even with force--- so to make sure she knows she has a support system, avoiding forcing the subject is important. While it can be hard for you, she might only be able to take off small bites of reality to chew at a time, you know?

Hi themathgirl,

Just letting you know, I ended up answering this as an Ask Scarleteen question here:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... reepy_dude