Freaking out about nothing?

[educateme16]

Almost a month ago my (newly ex) boyfriend and I got together and I gave him a hand job. Later, like maybe half an hour or an hour, he rubbed the outside of my vulva. For a while I was scared I could be pregnant but your wonderful site taught me since I was wearing clothes when he came it couldn't have happened and if it happened to be on his hand when he rubbed me, sperm can't survive that long. Am I right? Also when that happened I was on my period and I had a tampon in- I know a girl can still get pregnant on her period but it ran through my mind... Anyway now I'm scared that something might have been transmitted in fluids on hands that got licked afterwards. I know that before that day he had not at all been sexually active in any way so is there some way he could have had an STI anyway? A few days ago I started to get some very mild irritation around my vagina and I want to tell myself it's some sort of mild thing from bad underwear choices or something but I'm just freaking out a lot and I'd love your input. Thank you so much.

[Redskies]

Yes, you have that absolutely right: manual sex (that is, hand-to-genital contact, like you described) is not how pregnancy happens. Pregnancy is only a concern if there is direct genital-to-genital contact, or ejaculation onto the genitals.

If he'd never been sexually active before, the chance of him having an STI is extremely low. That's not zero for all STIs because some can be transmitted non-sexually, but it's very small. Anyhow, for you, now you've been sexually active, the smart thing is to start getting your standard sexual healthcare, if you're not already current with that. Do you know how to access sexual healthcare, or do you need any help with that?

You're right that mild irritation can be caused by clothes. It can also be caused by an infection or vaginal imbalance. So, I'd suggest making sure you're being gentle with yourself, wearing loose, natural-fibre clothing and only using gentle, unperfumed soap. If it gets worse or doesn't clear up in a few days, you'll want to get it checked by a healthcare provider. Too, I want to make sure you know that some vaginal infections and imbalances are pretty common and can happen unconnected to any sexual activity; those are no big deal at all so long as they're identified and treated.

The chance of pregnancy isn't real here, but your feelings are. Clearly, you've also had a break-up in the meantime here, and that can really set off or amplify any worries or anxieties. Would it be helpful for you to talk about the break-up or the relationship with us?