Concerns with bleeding

[Jewelsy]

okay, so, last night, my boyfriend and I were in the mood, and we decided to try to have sex.. The day before, when I used the restroom and I wiped, I looked down to see a slimy, string of bloody mucus looking stuff on the toilet paper, almost like the stuff I get at the last day of my period. My period ended two weeks ago, last month, and mine is pretty regular, and I'm not due to have it again until the end of this month. I'm not on my period. But last night, my boyfriend and I were fooling around and he was trying to.. Put it in.. And it hurt, because I'm a virgin, but he didn't get it in all the way.. And when we stopped, there was a bit of blood on my fingers and his fingers.. Luckily, he loves me a lot and he doesn't judge me so he wasn't freaked out, but it seemed like a bit more blood than I expected. My backside is sore and my vagina is sore too.. Did we do something wrong? I don't think it's currently bleeding, but I want to make sure that I didn't bleed too much.. Help >.<

[Heather]

So, let's just check in with a few things:

1) When you tried intercourse, were you already very turned on from doing other kinds of sex that feel good to you beforehand or during?
2) Were you using a lubricant?
3) Was your partner very gradual with entry, and slow?
4) Did you stop when it hurt, rather than continuing?
5) Were you telling him about how it felt so you two could try making adjustments as needed?

[Jewelsy]

1) We were kissing and sort of rubbing each other

2) No, I didn't need it

3) Yes, he was slow

4) I pulled away when it hurt, and he pulled back
5) And yes, I did tell him, it was difficult to find a decent position that wasn't too complex

[Heather]

Did kissing and rubbing each other get you really turned on, though?

Per not needing lubricant, if you were having pain, that was probably part of why, so probably you DID need it. This also could be the why, or part of it, anyway, of the bleeding you experienced. Genital tissue is delicate, and it's easy to get small abrasions with something like intercourse or manual sex, especially if and when we're not using lube. More people than not, more of the time than not, will need additional lubricant with any kind of intercourse or sexual activity that involves entry into the vagina, especially when it's brand-new.

[Jewelsy]

Yes, it did turn both of us on a lot. I didn't feel like we needed lubrication because I already naturally produced so much.. I'm just really scared I did something wrong

[Heather]

I don't see any reason to feel scared.

It sounds like for one, you can know for next time -- should you want there to be one -- to try using some lubricant. Especially if you were using condoms, that really is generally something you'll need, and even without them, particularly when all this is new, it's most likely going to help things feel better and help prevent abrasion. Too, as you two figure out what does feel good, and doesn't hurt, this is more likely to feel good and not to result in any kind of minor injury. If you do a next time, you also may want to explore other kinds of sexual activity you enjoy, beyond just kissing and rubbing, that helps your genitals basically relax more. Many people find that reaching orgasm, if that's something you can do, from another sexual activity before even starting intercourse, helps intercourse feel better and not be painful.

If an abrasion happened -- it's hard to say, since you were already having some bleeding before the intercourse -- it's nothing to worry about. You just want to give your genitals a rest from any kind of sex, including masturbation, for a few days so that tissue can heal, which it does just like the other kinds of skin on your body when you get a scrape.

[magentakitty]

I agree, it's hard to know if the bleeding was random mid cycle bleeding (which can happen... if it was slimy, it could potentially be fertile cervical mucus tinged w/ blood meaning you are ovulating), or if it is from the sex. Since it was your first time having intercourse, it could be from that. I've heard of women bleeding their first time, a little, or a lot, and there is often nothing wrong. Make sure you use lots of lube, or tons or foreplay or both... and I have found that after orgasm it's much more comfortable and much wetter.

[Heather]

Just to be clear, bleeding can occur from intercourse be it the first time or the 301st (and it's no more associated with first times than others). And if and when it happens with a first time, the only reasons it's usually about it being the first time is a) people being new to it and not knowing to do things like use a lubricant, and b) people being new to it so feeling anxious and worried, which makes full arousal less likely, which makes abrasions and pain more likely.

[Jewelsy]

But the thing is, we didn't do it all the way.. He couldn't put his entire penis in because it hurt me too much because of how small and tight my vagina is since I'm a virgin. He just got the tip in and that is when the bleeding happened. It was only like half an inch inside me.. Sorry if that's too detailed.

[Redskies]

It doesn't matter if it was just a little way in: the tissue around your genitals and just inside your vagina is delicate, and can be scraped and scratched by rough treatment. If you were in pain, chances are high that it was causing you a small injury, which would explain the bleeding.

You also said you saw some blood the day before? A little bleeding or spotting mid-cycle can happen occasionally, and is no cause for concern if it's a one-off - it's just one of those things that happen. If it started happening more regularly, you'd want to check it with a healthcare provider.

It's actually a myth - though a very common one, for sure! - that the vagina is automatically "small" and/or "tight" if the person hasn't had intercourse, or other entry, before. That's just not how vaginas work, as body parts The vaginal walls are usually closed together when there's nothing in the vagina, and that isn't changed by anything having been inside the vagina in the past. Sexual arousal and relaxation usually causes the walls to move apart and open up the vaginal canal. There's more detail: It's a Vagina, Not a Crystal Ball

Have you had any kind of entry before, like your own or someone else's fingers, or a tampon?