I've been very confused, frustrated, and hurt the past couple of days, and would love to hear your advice in order to help me move on. Here's my story: I was in a relationship for 8 years, it was very on and off. I was 13, and he was 14. Now he's 21, and I'm almost 21. We were kids, growing up, and he was always in a relationship with multiple girls whenever we we're broken up. He slept around with multiple girls. I always hated him for it, I always despised him for it because I was so loyal to him, but he kept coming back, you know? So, I loved him and that's all I really knew and know still. It started to fall apart when he left for college, he ignored me for a year and slept around and hooked up with multiple woman, I on the other hand never did anything. He would always count it against me if i kissed someone. Which was wrong, since I lost my virginity to him when I went to the same college. I do admit, we had our ups and downs, but I felt like he overreacted many times about the past that really didn't involve him, or he really didn't have a say in it. I mean, the love of my life, I felt betrayed, so I did my own thing.
Next thing I know we were living together, the first 3 months were great and things started to fall apart and I felt like I could no longer take this person. He would constantly bring up my past that I kissed someone, (when he slept around, I didn't mention it) He would begin to cuss at me, say the meanest things, and i said it back. We were young, we were 19 then. It was our first time living together, so things can change. But, I will say this, the love between us YES was strong. No matter what, I told myself and made a promise that wow i love this guy, because when we're happy, we are very happy, when we're good there's nothing that can compare. Slowly, we started to say we were unhappy with each other. We went back home, we told each other that it would be over. So, he was still very angry, and I was very hurt because I felt like he pushed me away over the silliest things. I have feelings too, I can react to certain things. I really shouldn't have but, I checked his social media accounts, and he completely trashed talked about me for years of my life and I had no idea. That the man I was sleeping next to, said all those things about me years before (it hurt because we were together.) For 7 years we never slept together, he was my first when we went to college, so when I read those, I slept with someone else, switched off my emotions, I just couldn't do it, it was too hurtful for me. I looked like a joke. That years of my life was a joke.
He started to message me everyday, cry, poured his heart out in millions of messages and was hurt that I slept with someone else. Did I do something wrong? I felt so guilty, but it was a release for me. I was so hurt, I turned to someone else. I eventually went back to him, we talked about our problems (well, not really actually) He just proved to me that OK, since he took advantage of me, put in 0 effort he proved it. He really proved it because for 3 months he kept pouring his heart out. Now, yes, people are entitled to feel how they feel, but I never told him about what I saw. Months later, we began to be rocky again. He wouldn't get over it, so he broke up with me and decided to sleep with someone else. My heart broke because he "forgave me" he told me that I made him laugh so much, that he needed me more than he ever knew, that he would show me what he meant to me, that I was the love of his life. He turned to someone else, and he said he needed space. So, I gave it to him. I understood. However, I just felt broken. He was broken too. I showed up at his house, cried, my heart felt like a sixth degree burn. I couldn't see him with anyone else but me. Especially when he knew his mistakes, and I figured why not speak to me? lets figure out whats right and whats wrong, and talk it out and fix the relationship since we are much older.
He told me it was like revenge, and he loves me and he's so hurt by what I did, and he told me how he sent pictures of us, how he called me crying, when all I did was completley forget him. He also said that he thinks about me all the time. He kept crying, and held me so close. (While i was with someone else). I thought to myself that okay, I guess I deserved it. I deserved the pain. Nonetheless, i poured my heart out, showing him that I am the woman for him and that people make mistakes, that we made mistakes, and its ok. Especially being in an 8 year relationship, from when we were kids and until now. The sex between us became horrible too, after the constant fighting. I felt like there was no going back. Maybe I needed space to figure the woman I wanted to be. Maybe, the man he wants to be. I always treated him right, he was always my priority no mater how much he hurt me, no matter how long a go. Every one knew it. Everyone knew how much i loved him. I just felt like he took me for granted.
Months later, this summer came. He came home and gave me a call, and he told me. "The reason why I can't see you is because I'm a bitch when it comes to you. I can't handle seeing you or hearing your voice. I am still hurt that you slept with him, he slept with my girl. The love of my life. My future wife. the mother of my children. How could you do this to me." And more, and I felt more and more guilty. WHY did i do this to him? How could I ever. He proceeded to say that "Even if you're not mine you're still mine. I still want to marry you" He started to get angry when he asked if i saw the other guy I slept with. I said i did, he screamed. He had no right to since he was with her at that time. I asked him about his girl and said "If she gave him good sex." He started to cry. We both were. We said "I didnt realize how much i loved you until you were with someone else." I thought, maybe it took sleeping with someone to fix a relationship? Maybe we needed this, maybe it was a sign. He said we had to meet and talk about how to treat each other. However, he kept going on and on about what I did. He completely forgot about what he did to me. I felt like we were both wrong. For months I tried to show him that i love him, and not to throw this a way and he was still with her.
I agreed, weeks later we met up. We talked about life for the past 5 months. He told his friends that if he ever saw me his feelings he can't control it. We were very happy. The sex was incredible, by far the best we ever had. We were us again, happy, he told me he was so lucky to have me, and that I was so beautiful. I had to leave for vacation, he spoke to me everyday. He told me that he wanted my mother to know about us, that he missed sleeping next to me, that he wanted to cuddle, that he loves me, etc. We were and seemed happy. He messsaged me a week later talking about the guy I slept with, (hence, this was two years ago now.) He said he saw a picture of the guy and the hate and he can't control it and he loses control. He said that I am incredible and so so beautiful that it was not normal for him to have a girl like me. He kept talking about the past, I kept talking about his. He started talking about how many times I slept with the guy, why I speak to this other guy, he wanted to check my social media, he said in order for us to work things needed to be changed. But he was still not over it, however, we said we will meet and go from there. Basically, we kept making me feel guilty. He said the days he saw me were amazing... not just the sex but everything. i ASKED about her and he said it was a big mistake. He told me not to act a certain way, because i'm from this "nationality and background" So I thought, okay we're going to work this out. We are both wrong. I told him i needed him to be sure, that he can't keep going back and forth and that he agreed. He also stated that when we were together before I had to leave for vacation that he just missed holding me and cuddling with me. Again, what's so back and forth is when he said "You're too good for me."
He stopped talking to me for a week, and I felt and had a gut feeling that maybe he's with her? he told me not to ever lie to him and that I was poison, and i said i won't. However, i caught him in a lie.I called him up and asked if he saw her (this was two weeks later) and he said he did, and they only spoke yet they did not have sex. Hence, the fact when we were messaging he said they were over and he's no longer seeing her. Anyways, I knew he was lying, I've known him for 8 years and he even told me "you know me more than anyone." So, I showed up at his and he was with her. I was shocked. Very shocked. And hurt it was right in front of me.
He told me that "He had to do this, and what I did is making him do this." Yet. no? No one is making him do anything? He told me he still has these feelings for me. So I asked, why did you go back to her? He said he thinks he loves her and that they were properly living together for 4 months. He told me he treats me differently than her or any girl because we are a certain "nationality." For all intents and purposes he seemed he wanted to work but his actions were the complete opposite? He said that he was done and that I fucked it up. He said he's sorry he did this to me, and that he doesn't want to hurt me.
I'm sorry this is so long, but, what just happened? Why is he making me feel guilty for his actions? When he's the one that's wrong? If he claims "I'm the love of his life." Why do this? No one is their past, is this an excuse? I'm not too sure. I feel like i'm blaming myself for all of this, or he's making me feel like I'm the one to blame when really we could have sorted things out? I ask him, if he told his girlfriend about what we did, and us speaking for a month. He told me he just told her we had sex. I'm confused? He then asked "Why I was wearing a certain way, and who I was going to see, and which boy I was going to see and If i was going to sleep with them." I told him, after this he had no right to say that.
I'm very hurt, I've spoken to friends, my mom, anI've been very confused, frustrated, and hurt the past couple of days, and would love to hear your advice in order to help me move on. Here's my story: I was in a relationship for 8 years, it was very on and off. I was 13, and he was 14. Now he's 21, and I'm almost 21. We were kids, growing up, and he was always in a relationship with multiple girls whenever we we're broken up. He slept around with multiple girls. I always hated him for it, I always despised him for it because I was so loyal to him, but he kept coming back, you know? So, I loved him and that's all I really knew and know still. It started to fall apart when he left for college, he ignored me for a year and slept around and hooked up with multiple woman, I on the other hand never did anything. He would always count it against me if i kissed someone. Which was wrong, since I lost my virginity to him when I went to the same college. I do admit, we had our ups and downs, but I felt like he overreacted many times about the past that really didn't involve him, or he really didn't have a say in it. I mean, the love of my life, I felt betrayed, so I did my own thing.
Next thing I know we were living together, the first 3 months were great and things started to fall apart and I felt like I could no longer take this person. He would constantly bring up my past that I kissed someone, (when he slept around, I didn't mention it) He would begin to cuss at me, say the meanest things, and i said it back. We were young, we were 19 then. It was our first time living together, so things can change. But, I will say this, the love between us YES was strong. No matter what, I told myself and made a promise that wow i love this guy, because when we're happy, we are very happy, when we're good there's nothing that can compare. Slowly, we started to say we were unhappy with each other. We went back home, we told each other that it would be over. So, he was still very angry, and I was very hurt because I felt like he pushed me away over the silliest things. I have feelings too, I can react to certain things. I really shouldn't have but, I checked his social media accounts, and he completely trashed talked about me for years of my life and I had no idea. That the man I was sleeping next to, said all those things about me years before (it hurt because we were together.) For 7 years we never slept together, he was my first when we went to college, so when I read those, I slept with someone else, switched off my emotions, I just couldn't do it, it was too hurtful for me. I looked like a joke. That years of my life was a joke.
He started to message me everyday, cry, poured his heart out in millions of messages and was hurt that I slept with someone else. Did I do something wrong? I felt so guilty, but it was a release for me. I was so hurt, I turned to someone else. I eventually went back to him, we talked about our problems (well, not really actually) He just proved to me that OK, since he took advantage of me, put in 0 effort he proved it. He really proved it because for 3 months he kept pouring his heart out. Now, yes, people are entitled to feel how they feel, but I never told him about what I saw. Months later, we began to be rocky again. He wouldn't get over it, so he broke up with me and decided to sleep with someone else. My heart broke because he "forgave me" he told me that I made him laugh so much, that he needed me more than he ever knew, that he would show me what he meant to me, that I was the love of his life. He turned to someone else, and he said he needed space. So, I gave it to him. I understood. However, I just felt broken. He was broken too. I showed up at his house, cried, my heart felt like a sixth degree burn. I couldn't see him with anyone else but me. Especially when he knew his mistakes, and I figured why not speak to me? lets figure out whats right and whats wrong, and talk it out and fix the relationship since we are much older.
He told me it was like revenge, and he loves me and he's so hurt by what I did, and he told me how he sent pictures of us, how he called me crying, when all I did was completley forget him. He also said that he thinks about me all the time. He kept crying, and held me so close. (While i was with someone else). I thought to myself that okay, I guess I deserved it. I deserved the pain. Nonetheless, i poured my heart out, showing him that I am the woman for him and that people make mistakes, that we made mistakes, and its ok. Especially being in an 8 year relationship, from when we were kids and until now. The sex between us became horrible too, after the constant fighting. I felt like there was no going back. Maybe I needed space to figure the woman I wanted to be. Maybe, the man he wants to be. I always treated him right, he was always my priority no mater how much he hurt me, no matter how long a go. Every one knew it. Everyone knew how much i loved him. I just felt like he took me for granted. I told him about what I found out the messages, and he said that I should hve confronted him, instead of "spreading my legs" and he also said that the I guy I slept with, "He got my P**" and that I was his girl and it was wrong. He admitted to being a hypocrite.
Months later, this summer came. He came home and gave me a call, and he told me. "The reason why I can't see you is because I'm a bitch when it comes to you. I can't handle seeing you or hearing your voice. I am still hurt that you slept with him, he slept with my girl. The love of my life. My future wife. the mother of my children. How could you do this to me." And more, and I felt more and more guilty. WHY did i do this to him? How could I ever. He proceeded to say that "Even if you're not mine you're still mine. I still want to marry you" He started to get angry when he asked if i saw the other guy I slept with. I asked him about his girl and said "If she gave him good sex." He started to cry. We both were. We said "I didnt realize how much i loved you until you were with someone else." I thought, maybe it took sleeping with someone to fix a relationship? Maybe we needed this, maybe it was a sign. He said we had to meet and talk about how to treat each other. However, he kept going on and on about what I did. He completely forgot about what he did to me. I felt like we were both wrong. For months I tried to show him that i love him, and not to throw this a way and he was still with her.
I agreed, weeks later we met up. We talked about life for the past 5 months. He told his friends that if he ever saw me his feelings he can't control it. We were very happy. The sex was incredible, by far the best we ever had. We were us again, happy, he told me he was so lucky to have me, and that I was so beautiful. I had to leave for vacation, he spoke to me everyday. He told me that he wanted my mother to know about us, that he missed sleeping next to me, that he wanted to cuddle, that he loves me, etc. We were and seemed happy. He messsaged me a week later talking about the guy I slept with, (hence, this was two years ago now.) He said he saw a picture of the guy and the hate and he can't control it and he loses control. He said that I am incredible and so so beautiful that it was not normal for him to have a girl like me. He kept talking about the past, I kept talking about his. He started talking about how many times I slept with the guy, why I speak to this other guy, he wanted to check my social media, he said in order for us to work things needed to be changed. But he was still not over it, however, we said we will meet and go from there. Basically, we kept making me feel guilty. He said the days he saw me were amazing... not just the sex but everything. i ASKED about her and he said it was a big mistake. He told me not to act a certain way, because i'm from this "nationality and background" So I thought, okay we're going to work this out. We are both wrong.
He stopped talking to me for a week, and I felt and had a gut feeling that maybe he's with her? he told me not to ever lie to him and that I was poison, and i said i won't. However, i caught him in a lie.I called him up and asked if he saw her (this was two weeks later) and he said he did, and they only spoke yet they did not have sex. Hence, the fact when we were messaging he said they were over and he's no longer seeing her. Anyways, I knew he was lying, I've known him for 8 years and he even told me "you know me more than anyone." So, I showed up at his and he was with her. I was shocked. Very shocked. And hurt it was right in front of me.
He told me that "He had to do this, and what I did is making him do this." Yet. no? No one is making him do anything? He told me he still has these feelings for me. So I asked, why did you go back to her? He said he thinks he loves her and that they were properly living together for 4 months. He told me he treats me differently than her or any girl because we are a certain "nationality." For all intents and purposes he seemed he wanted to work but his actions were the complete opposite? He said that he was done and that I fucked it up. He said he's sorry he did this to me, and that he doesn't want to hurt me. his girlfriend comes up and says "Have fun, this will be the last time he touches you." Which I found to be horrible to say since i have been with him for 8 years.
I'm sorry this is so long, but, what just happened? Why is he making me feel guilty for his actions? When he's the one that's wrong? If he claims "I'm the love of his life." Why do this? No one is their past, is this an excuse? I'm not too sure. I feel like i'm blaming myself for all of this, or he's making me feel like I'm the one to blame when really we could have sorted things out? I ask him, if he told his girlfriend about what we did, and us speaking for a month. He told me he just told her we had sex. I'm confused? He then asked "Why I was wearing a certain way, and who I was going to see, and which boy I was going to see." I told him, after this he had no right to say that. He then says "I look incredible." We talked about our memories, he started to smile. And told me it would be amazing living together. 2 weeks ago he says "When jts good nothing can compare, its all real when we are in the same place."
I'm very hurt, I've spoken to friends, my mom, and everyone has agreed it was his fault. That he shouldn't hold it against me, that he's a "player." but maybe he does love me or always will deep down. Do i hate how he's sleeping with someone? yes. It just nothing makes sense. why. I can't connect the dots. Am I still young? Maybe I need the space,and give him time? I'm not sure. But, all I know is I've been so worth it to him. He then says "Any man will be lucky to have you, it's not me. " And that I was a big part of his life. I asked how he felt about me and he said "It's working, that I am moving on, she's making me move on from you." I sent him countless messages, and i have gotten no reply. Like sometimes I feel like crying. I cannot deal with all of this pain. He proceeds to say he is "Unhappy." I'm unhappy, the love of my life is sleeping next to someone..and the thoughts in my head I just cant let it leave. Youknow like if he tells her i love you or things like that. I cant help it. He then deletes me off of "Snapchat."
Did it just become too obsessive? Unhealthy? that we had to let go? i'm not so sure. I'm just really not sure, as I said I cannot seem to connect the dots because since he spoke to me the way he did, why do this? While I kept pouring my heart out to you. He could have easily been with me and "fixed this" because, as mature young adults, we should have sat down, talked, communicated, etc.