Scarleteen

So yeah thats pretty much it I've never reached climax with a guy, I cant perfectly do it on my own but not with anyone else. And I've had sex many many time so its not new to me or smth. I feel comfortable during sex, I always enjoy, but never cum :/ this is ruining everything I feel like I have to pretend every time and I dont feel nice when only the other person finishes. Dont get me wrong my partner really really tries but nothing seems to work. I always tell him what feels better and stuff but nothing seems to work

Hi incemental,

I have a few thoughts. One is, you mention trying to communicate to your partner what feels good. Have you had him literally try the types of movements that you use when you're on your own? If not, then that's something to try out next time.

The other thing to do is to focus less on orgasm and more on overall pleasure. I say this for a few reasons. One, it will take the pressure off of you to feel as though you must orgasm (which, oddly enough, sometimes makes it easier to orgasm). Two, it can be fun to explore all the different ways you body can feel pleasure (and it sounds like you and your partner do a good job of communicating, which can make that exploration even more fun), and in doing so you might stumble upon another way to climax.

You know at first I always thought that well you know it could have just been "bad sex" but the last year I'm more sexually active and this has been so frustrating, I mean I know it's not my partners fault cause I know he always tries his best, but its been the same with every other partner I've had. Penetration always feels okay but not really pleasurable, mostly like nothing, and oral is certainly much better but still cant reach climax. I feel like there's smth wrong with me. I don't want to feel left out or that only the other person enjoys cause that's just not how it works :/
I have a very good communication with my partner so I will try what you said, I hope I see results

Believe me, you're not the first person to struggle with figuring out how to orgasm from partnered sex. It's something that, culturally, we treat as a really easy thing to do, but the reality is that it's a learning experience and can take time. So, I hope those suggestions end up working for you

I also want to add that if not reaching orgasm is "ruining everything," then something bigger is amiss. Sex with others or ourselves not being pleasurable and something that makes us happy shouldn't be reliant on orgasm. If and when it is, whatever is making it that way for us needs to change, whether or not we reach orgasm.

Sex or masturbation people truly enjoy tends to be process-oriented, about being in all the moments, however they go, not product-oriented, about reaching any kind of goal. And since orgasm literally lasts a few seconds, making sex all about that is really quite silly, because if all the rest of whatever you're doing isn't something that feels good and worthwhile, those few seconds are unlikely to make it so.