Scarleteen

Hey guys! What do you think about emotional vs sexual connection? Can we have one without the other in a relationship or is that recipe for disaster?

My background:
I have been dating a girl for over 4 years, the last year on and off. I love her with all of my heart, she is also the only girl I have ever dated and my first real relationship. The problem is that although this is the strongest emotional bond I have ever felt with anyone, it is also the least sexually connected I have been with any lovers. She loves me and loves pleasuring me however I never feel the urge to or that burning in my loins to kiss her breast/body. I love kissing her I think she is beautiful and the most important person in my life. However, I can't get myself to say we have passionate or frequent sex life. This has been very conflicting for me I don't want to let go of the person I love the most in the world because of sex. However I have always been sexual in my relationships. I would say the emotional connection,bond, her adorable face, and personality is what brought us together. I really appreciate anyone's take on this, It is something that has been giving me anxiety.

This is an impossible question to answer, as you've asked it asked, because it's built on a broken framework.

Sexuality, and "sexualness" is emotional (and many other things). It's not separate from emotions or feelings: that's part of what it is and involves. For more on that, check this out: Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?

What you perhaps might be saying or describing is that you do not feel strong sexual desire for her. That isn't an emotions vs. sexuality issue, as again, part of sexual desire, like all of sexuality, involves emotions. Rather, what I hear you saying is that you just aren't feeling strong sexual desire or connection and don't appear to be happy in your sexual life with her, despite being happy and feelings other kinds of desire and connection in other parts of the relationship.

As well, there are all kinds of relationships, and not all of them are sexual. So, by all means, people can have relationships without sexual desire or sexual interaction, just not sexual relationships, or relationships where a sexual relationship is part of the relationship.

Make sense?