Scarleteen

College just started up two weeks ago and I don't know what's going on. I usually have a healthy appetite - I eat almost as much as my 15yo brother, and he eats a LOT. I feel good about my body and I exercise a fair amount (taking ballet and tennis this semester) so that's not an issue. I'm just... not hungry anymore. I do eat a bit every day, but I don't really have the motivation to drive to the store and get more food, and I feel guilty about swiping into the dining halls because they're SO EXPENSIVE.

I feel like it's stress and maybe some depression (I do have a mild history) but I don't know what to do about it. I'm tired all the time and today I just ended up breaking down because I had issues with my stats homework and the prof won't let me turn it in late (she wasn't all that nice about telling me that, either). It's completely unreasonable - I currently have a 100% in the course, so it's not like I needed the grade, but I'm feeling ridiculously emotional right now (I'm not PMSing either, I checked the timing).

I didn't even realize there was a real issue until today - I thought it was just my class schedule keeping me from eating, but now I haven't eaten since yesterday and I don't particularly want to, either. I know I have to eat - that's not my problem. I just want to know how to fix the source of the problem. I'm already on lexapro and I went to counseling all last year (mostly for anxiety and because my mom's dying) and I got a lot better, but as soon as school started back up again I just crumpled emotionally. It's not like I have that heavy of a course load, either. I don't know what's going on. I was fine - great, in fact - all summer, and now I just can't deal with anything.

I know this might not be the right place to post this, but I don't know where else to do it. I'm going to go force down some applesauce now.

That sounds rough! You know, you might be on to something with the apple sauce... when I had no appetite, I usually felt that it was much easier to stick to soft or even liquid foods, that go down easily. Soup, milk, liquid yogurt, things like that. Fruit juices and smoothies are nutritious, too and will help keep you going.
Good luck, I hope you can get to the bottom of the actual problem and make things better!

(I like snorkmaiden's suggestions!)

It sounds with you are dealing with a lot! College is already a huge stressor on its own, but you have a lot more going on. Try not to be so hard on yourself and let it be okay for you to feel however you are feeling. So basically, you don't have to justify your emotions bc you think that they are unreasonable or you think you shouldn't be feeling that way. They are feelings, go ahead and have them! Sometimes we don't feel great and that can be okay.

Going off of that, our mental health is not something we can expect to just "treat" and everything is fine. It really is a process with ups and downs. That's completely normal! New things might come up or you may not be finish dealing with old things (although the old things never really go away ), new things might influence the way you feel about the old things, and so on. Dealing with the loss of a love one, especially a parent, is a lot to handle and I imagine that is a pain that doesn't go away, just looks different as time goes on. It's not a sign that something is wrong with you, just a part of the way mental health works.

None of this is to say that nothing should be done and you should not explore what has caused you to feel this, especially if you think it could be related to depression. I think it's good you have recognized that you aren't comfortable with the way you are feeling. Can I ask why you stopped seeing the counselor? And do you feel having the counselor was one of the reasons that you felt better?

I stopped seeing the counselor because there's a limit to what the school will pay for in terms of numbers of visits, and also I felt like it wasn't really helping that much anymore... it was just talking, and I can do that with (really understanding) friends. It definitely helped in the beginning, because I could tell him anything and it was his job to listen and not judge, but now I'm not ashamed anymore so I feel comfortable talking about it to other people, and that's working just as well. I think the main problem is that I just lack motivation nowadays... to eat, to sleep, to do my homework. It sucks. I'm just trying to figure out something to keep me going, I guess.

Snorkmaiden, thanks for the suggestions! I'll definitely use them

Thirding snorkmaiden's suggestion (also things like instant breakfast or protein shakes are good for days when you don't have an appetite. Plus, I've noticed that sometimes when you put the liquid snacks into your system, it wakes it up a little and you suddenly want more substantial food. But I'm not a dietitian, so take all eating advice with a grain of salt or five).

The lack of motivation sounds rough, although not unexpected if you're going through a major life change and some other really hard stuff. When you were seeing a counselor, was the lack of motivation something that got discussed?

FanndisTS: I'd also recommend seeing a doctor-- they can assess physical as well as mental health, can counsel you to some extent, and can prescribe anti-depressant medications if that is something you two agree would be a good option. During particularly rough times, I've found that medication can be just the little push I needed to get back into my "groove," and I once I regained motivation I was better able to practice self care in other ways and eventually go off of the medication altogether. I also once went months with a serious health condition thinking it was just stress/depression, so it's best to see a professional to rule certain things out and explore options. Do you have a health center on campus? Usually appointments are free (included in the cost of tuition), or otherwise affordable.

Take a Zinc supplement ! It is known to stimulate appetite and basically helps regulate appetite. It really helps with fatigue too