Scarleteen

Hi All,

I'm currently working on a piece for parents and other adults about how to connect with the teens that they care about. I'm curious is y'all have any stories or things that your families (or other grown-ups in your life) do/did that help you feel connected to them even as you grow increasingly independent as a teen and young adult, since I want to make sure I'm writing something that reflects user experiences. Thoughts?

Awesome topic. One thing I really appreciated growing up is the tradition that my dad and I had (and still have when I'm visiting) of going out for breakfast together on Saturday mornings, just the two of us. It started when I was a baby and my mum wanted some time to herself, but over the years it became a great chance for us to have some dad-kid time together (which was pretty rare otherwise), and I especially enjoyed it when I was a teenager because we had kind of an unspoken agreement that there wasn't going to be any talk about homework or anything like that. If I was having a problem with something I could bring it up and he would happily talk to me about whatever it was, but it wasn't a time to nag me about anything and if I said I didn't want to talk about topic x, then it was off limits for that time. Looking back, I think what I really enjoyed about it was that it gave us a chance to sort of escape those parent-child roles for a while and to just hang out as two people who really enjoyed each other's company. There was also never any pressure to make it happen absolutely every single week so it didn't feel like forced family time when I would rather be doing something else, if that makes sense.

I agree that keeping childhood rituals alive is a way of staying connected. And it's also a way of saying, when they look at you with that "oh my god, our baby is growing up, how scary" expression their faces, that you'll always be their child.

Otherwise, I don't think it's that different from maintaining other relationships. I share some interests with my parents, like my mother's and my taste in music overlap and I read the same books my father does. We all like the same comedy shows. We can easily agree on what to eat for dinner and we all like to drive out somewhere where it's pretty and quiet and take walks.

Still, to a certain extent I think it's important to distance ourselves a bit while we're transitioning from kid to adult. Nobody wants to turn out an exact copy of our parents, we have to try out new things and question their views and go against their ways occasionally, just to see what else is out there and find out who we are. And parents should accept that. Letting go can be a way of expressing trust and respect, two things I absolutely craved as a teen.