Last week, something bad happen again. I still just dont want to say it. But I can't get passed it. I feel like I'm on a radar of some sort. I dont understand why I keep getting hurt. I try to keep my guard up but I surely didn't this time. I just thought he was a friendly runner. I didn't want it. I can't get passed it. Out of it. I've been out of it. I can't remember anything. Conversations. Days in general. I can get passed 2 classes in school and not even realised they happen. Im in my head. My body is still functioning but my mind is elsewhere. I'm not sure where I wander to. Its not like I'm in a flashback. I'm nowhere. Lost.
I've distanced myself from my friends. I just can't talk to them. I told on of them what happened. He was shocked and angry. And said I needed to tell someone or at least go to the hospital. Its been a week now. Happened last Monday. It's too late, right? I feel sick. Just sick in general. I've been sleeping a lot. That's a first. I never slept before. I still have nightmares but I can't remember the details when I wake.
My counseling went up on the prices I'm not sure how long or many times a month my mom will be able to afford it.
My friend thinks I should be hospitalized. He believes doctors are the literal cure for everything. They can't help me. Not in the ways he wants.
Right now I'm semi grounded. I can feel myself slipping away.
I'm afraid.
Dissociation
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
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- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Dissociation
Hi Dandelion,
I'm sorry to hear that something else bad happened. That sucks in a huge way (you can talk about it here whenever/if you're ready, but you by no means have to). As for reporting or going to the hospital, do you know of a local rape crisis center or similar that you could call? They could give you a sense of your options, as well as offer support in the aftermath of what happened. I'm going to give you a couple of lists for ways you can address dissociating (it is one of those things where, ultimately, a counselor can help best, but it doesn't hurt to have things you can do on your own):
http://www.pandys.org/Coping_With_Flashbacks.pdf (this one is technically for flashbacks, but many of the techniques work).
http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/copingskills.html (the ones labeled "grounding" might work best)
I'm sorry to hear that something else bad happened. That sucks in a huge way (you can talk about it here whenever/if you're ready, but you by no means have to). As for reporting or going to the hospital, do you know of a local rape crisis center or similar that you could call? They could give you a sense of your options, as well as offer support in the aftermath of what happened. I'm going to give you a couple of lists for ways you can address dissociating (it is one of those things where, ultimately, a counselor can help best, but it doesn't hurt to have things you can do on your own):
http://www.pandys.org/Coping_With_Flashbacks.pdf (this one is technically for flashbacks, but many of the techniques work).
http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/copingskills.html (the ones labeled "grounding" might work best)
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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Sunshine
- not a newbie
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- Awesomeness Quotient: I have a quote for every situation
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- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Bi
- Location: Europe
Re: Dissociation
Hey Dandelion,
I am very sorry to hear that something bad happened to you.
Since I don't know what that was (and no, of course you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to!), I can't tell whether it's really too late to go to the hospital, but dissociation is of itself a condition that justifies seeking help. Also, if there was any risk of infection and / or pregnancy, it's never too late to get tested. If there is an injury, it's never too late to get it looked at.
It's never too late to get help!
It's totally understandable that you feel afraid. I hope that the links Sam posted will prove helpful. Also that you can and will get help near you.
I'm thinking of you. It sounds as if you've already been through a lot, so I think you must be a very strong person. Hang in there, okay?
I am very sorry to hear that something bad happened to you.
Since I don't know what that was (and no, of course you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to!), I can't tell whether it's really too late to go to the hospital, but dissociation is of itself a condition that justifies seeking help. Also, if there was any risk of infection and / or pregnancy, it's never too late to get tested. If there is an injury, it's never too late to get it looked at.
It's never too late to get help!
It's totally understandable that you feel afraid. I hope that the links Sam posted will prove helpful. Also that you can and will get help near you.
I'm thinking of you. It sounds as if you've already been through a lot, so I think you must be a very strong person. Hang in there, okay?
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Dandelion
- not a newbie
- Posts: 41
- Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:50 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: Creativity
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: her/she
- Sexual identity: Bisexual female
- Location: United States
Re: Dissociation
Thank you.
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Dissociation
You're welcome Dandelion, I hope some of those tips work for you.
I remember we discussed grounding boxes awhile back. If you haven't put one together yet, maybe that would be a project for this weekend? Something that could help you feel happy and creative while also helping you prepare for tough moments
I remember we discussed grounding boxes awhile back. If you haven't put one together yet, maybe that would be a project for this weekend? Something that could help you feel happy and creative while also helping you prepare for tough moments
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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Dandelion
- not a newbie
- Posts: 41
- Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:50 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: Creativity
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: her/she
- Sexual identity: Bisexual female
- Location: United States
Re: Dissociation
I made one after we discussed it. It seems to help more when the dissociation isn't super bad. I'm not well but I'm better than Monday. Can pay attention to things a little more. The floaty feeling isn't quite there anymore.
When is the chat open?
When is the chat open?
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: Dissociation
I;m glad the box is helping, and I'm glad you're feeling at least a little better. Chat hours for today are, if you need them are :11:00 - 1: 00 / 3:00 - 5:00 PST (you can always check our "need help now" page for updates about chat hours.)
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.