Talking to a guy who's been hurt before?

[Volleygirl22]

There's this guy in my classes that I really like. He went through a really bad breakup a few weeks ago (his girlfriend cheated on him). He doesn't really seem to be too trusting with anyone right now, and I understand that. But I want to be the person who can get him to trust again. I really like him and would do whatever it takes. Can someone help me? He's on our school's swim team. I'm on the volleyball team, cheer squad, and I do gymnastics. He's one of the popular kids, and I'm kinda shy. I want to give this a try though. Please help me

[Jacob]

Hi Volleygirl welcome to Scarleteen!

You know after a breakup it can take some time to open up to others and its something we need to come to in our own time. It can't be rushed and sometimes that period of not-feeling-ready however long it lasts is what that person really needs. So I would say that if this is the place that person is in, then maybe you can ask yourself; is trying 'get him to trust again' the best thing for him right now?

If you like things about him and would like to be a positive person for him then maybe the best place to start is consent; and finding out what he would like?

Would he like to hang out with you for example?

If so that's a really good place to start things, something you're both choosing... and if not, then its something to respect and you've avoided being invasive or creating situations where both parties miscommunicate and people get hurt.

How does that sound?

When we like someone it can be really easy to feel like we can be the solution to their problems but in my experience things take a lot more time and we have to find our own way.

[Volleygirl22]

Thanks for answering I've never been in a relationship before, so I can't really say I completely understand how he feels. How could I get him alone to just talk, like as a friend or to just get to know him a little better? He's always with his friends. They're all really nice guys, but I'm not really the best at approaching someone in a group.

[Heather]

If you have family members, or friends, you've been in a relationship before! If you have ever been hurt in any of those relationships, then you can probably empathize with how he is feeling. Getting our trust betrayed in any kind of relationship tends to feel similar and leave the same kinds of impacts.

As was suggested here and in your other post, sounds like what you're really after is a kind of relationship you seem to know he's not open to right now. So, why not wait to pursue anything just yet unless he reaches out to you?

[Volleygirl22]

Thank you for your help. One more question. If, eventually, I were to find out he's interested in a relationship, should I make the first move or let him? If I should do it, how could I?

[Heather]

Why don't you look at the response to you on your other thread, which addressed that question?

[Volleygirl22]

Thank you, I just looked! I forgot to set up notifications!