Scarleteen

So I've been dealing with this issue for several years now, since high school. I have a severe issue and I know it's psychological, and I'm wondering if anyone here has heard of this or has maybe even dealt with it. I've seen a few counsellors and am working on getting started with another one. Basically, anytime any man (and sometimes girls) gets close to me I instantly get aroused and compulsively lean into them or against them. It's like I can't not act on my feelings. And even when I don't do anything, I still get the aroused feeling and if we're in such close quarters that they end up touching me (like on a subway or elevator, for instance) I will convince myself I leaned into them because it is usually upsetting to me. Yet, I am doing it either for sexual attention or because it gives me some instant gratification of arousal. I recently lost a really good relationship because of my inability to get a grip on this. I can't seem to just stay still or not feel sexual things when people get close to me. Sometimes I will completely lean into someone if I think they won't notice and I worry if they were to notice and reciprocate that attention that I could get an STD through my clothes or on the outside of my clothes that I would touch later. Or that they might try to be sexually aggressive. There's a lot of factors that make the whole issue really scary, because right now I don't know how I will ever find love or get married with this compulsion/impulse. It makes me really sad and I don't know what to do. Has anyone heard of this or gets these kinds of feelings? It's literally unavoidable, the feeling is incredibly overwhelming.

Hi dpaddict,

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this. I will say that this is one of those things that a therapist could help you untangle, especially since it sounds like it's causing you a lot of distress. (I can't say if it's OCD, since I am not a psychologist, although it does sound you like you feel as though these actions and thoughts are kind of out of your control) Have you spoken to a counselor or similar about this? If not, would you like help figuring out where to find one?