Scarleteen

Hello. So I'm a teenager, and I had my first period about four years ago. My period was already kind of late for "normal" but then it started, and was a little weird and irregular (also fairly normal). However it got really weird and such. About a year ago I was traveling for a while, so it was kind of attributed to that some. Then last year (after I got back from traveling) it was regular and fairly on schedule for a couple months. Then it kind of stopped. Like no sign of it coming back. I haven't had my period since at least June (so about 5-6 months). I was traveling again for a while this summer, but I have been back a while with no changes in my period. I've never had sex of any kind (no intercourse, oral, etc. not even kissing). Also not on birth control, never have been. I haven't seen/talked to my doctor because I'm not sure if it is an urgent problem... Also I'm kind of scared/anxious to do so.

Hi Doglover,

So, if you've gone 5 or 6 months without a period, it's time to check in with a healthcare provider. That's outside of the normal variation for periods being missing, so it's sound to check and see what may be behind it.

Okay.

This may sound stupid, but how do I go about that? I get really anxious talking about these things. I'm also not scheduled to go to the doctor for a while (regular family doctor). How do I say I need to go, and be discreet to my family?

Also how do you talk to someone about a difficult topic? Because this is a difficult topic for me, and it looks as though I'm going to have to talk about it.

Can you fill us in a bit about how much -- or how little -- and how your family has talked with you about things like puberty and periods up until now?

Too, do you feel comfortable with your doctor in general? Might you feel better talking to someone about your reproductive health who isn't your general family doctor? Not knowing about what kind of healthcare access you have, I don't know if that's an option for you, but before going there, I wanted to see how you felt about that question and possibility. Sometimes we feel nervous talking to a given healthcare provider about some aspects of our health because they just might not be someone we feel very comfortable with period, or with certain areas of our health.

My mom bought me a ton of books and such when we first started sex Ed (in like 5th grade). She tried to talk to me about, but I was a small child, still grossed out about it. I reached a certain age where we just didn't really want to talk about it anymore, because I kind of knew what was going on (sort of). My guess is, if I wanted to talk about she would still be okay with talking about puberty/periods/etc. I just don't know how comfortable I am.

Also, I go fairly regularly to the same doctor. However, about a year ago our doctor retired and now there is a new one who "took over" so I've only seen her once or twice. I also don't know how I would ask to see another doctor, specifically about reproductive health... I get very anxious, and talking about my health problems specifically my periods is something that causes a lot of anxiety.

Hi doglover,

Would you like us to help you come up with ways to talk to your mom and ask her about this issue? Because one thing that occurs to me is that she might be able to act as support for you when you speak to your doctor.

To that end, we also have this article that you might find helpful: Dealing With Doctors: Taking Control of Your Health Care Destiny

I do think brainstorming ways to talk to her/ask her about this issue would be helpful, is it okay to tell a white lie? Since I was traveling in another country a couple months ago, is there some way I could use that?

This may sound bad, but what if I don't want her there (like in the room) when I talk to my doctor?

I'm not sure I understand what you'd feel you even needed to think about lying about. The truth is that you have missed your period entirely for 5-6 months. You don't know why (and traveling isn't a very likely cause), and that's why you'd want to go to the doctor, so I don't get why you'd need to say anything to your mother but that missing so many periods has you concerned, and you want to check in with a doctor to make sure there's nothing wrong. It seems to me all you need to say to her, and ask her for, is very plain and that you might be overthinking this.

There's nothing wrong with asking for privacy during any kind of health exam, and that's something people who are in adolescence often will want to do. Wanting more and more privacy and independence in general as you're becoming an adult is usually a given, and having more boundaries between parents and children as the children are growing up is also part of healthy separation.

So, you can either ask her if you can have privacy in the exam room, or can ask the receptionist or the nurse who brings you into the exam room to ask her to please wait in the waiting room during your exam. Up to you.

Just FYI, unless I'm missing something here, it sounds to me like there's no indication your parent wouldn't afford you these things, but just like there's been so much radio silence about your reproductive health and your body since you were younger that you're not sure about that anymore, or you feel awkward because of that lapse. I'd suggest trying to have some faith in your Mom here.

Too, if you struggle with any kind of anxiety, including anxiety with healthcare, that's also a good thing to ask your doctor about, including letting them know that (or, better still, the nurse, so this is known from the get-go) right from the front. That way, they can take it into account even just in their communication with you, so you can ideally feel more comfortable, and you can also be evaluated for an anxiety disorder if this feels like something more than run-of-the-mill occasional anxiety as most people will get with plenty of things sometimes.

My period started again today. It has been very light all day, and my periods are never this light. Is missing it for 5 months still reason for concern (even if it came back)? Is it still reason enough to see a doctor?

Yes, it is.

Sorry to come back to this question, with similar concerns. So when my period came this time (mentioned during last post on this thread) it was fairly normal. However, I haven't gotten my period again since then. I also haven't been to the doctor and I'm worried about serious health problems, or even just minor health problems at that, but I don't know how to approach this with my parents. I can't surpass them and go to the doctor on my own, but I also don't feel close enough to them to discuss this. I'm struggling.

Sorry

Hi doglover,

If you're not able to access a healthcare provider without them, then it sounds like you're going to need to accept a little discomfort and ask your parents to schedule an appointment. You can keep the information you tell them simple: you're worried about the big gaps between periods, and you'd like to see someone. If you're not comfortable with it leading to a more intimate conversation, it doesn't have to. Does that make sense?

Can you remind us why you can't see a healthcare provider on your own, since it sounds like you'd prefer that?

Also, you do have the option of just telling your parents you want a general checkup. You really shouldn't have to say more than that, especially if you're due for an annual checkup anyway.

Okay. I'm okay seeing the doctor by myself, I just can't really surpass my parents in making the appointment. Because what if something is actually wrong? How would I tell them? They might think I might not trust them because I didn't come to them first or... I don't know what, I am probably over thinking it . I think I will try asking about an annual checkup. I still see my pediatrician, but it's I'm starting to get kind of old (more like, way too old ) for that. Maybe a conversation about that can lead to my parents and me setting up an appointment with a more suitable doctor?

Anyway, thank you for dealing with my questions and concerns.

You know, I think it's sound to say that most people know, from their own experience, that many people like their healthcare to be something private. So, your parents may not go to all the headspaces you're thinking of, especially if they know you and have any sense of the anxiety you struggle with when it comes to healthcare and your body.

But I also don't think it's helpful to go to that what-then place, and is more helpful to just take this one step at a time.

If you think a good place for you to start is with a referral to a genera doctor or sexual healthcare provider, not your pediatrician, you can actually call your pediatrician's office yourself and ask them for either of those referrals. Why don't you start with that?

If THAT just doesn't feel doable, either, then honestly, I'd suggest you just go ahead and ask one of your parents to make you an appointment for sexual healthcare because you have concerns about your period. I hear you that the idea of asking that makes you very uncomfortable, but you know, we can be uncomfortable and still do a thing, much like ripping off a band-aid. So, it may just be time to go ahead and ask for that, despite your discomfort, because otherwise, we're just going to keep going round in circles here and you're just going to stay as stuck with this as you have been. In other words, something has to give here, and no matter which way you go with this, it seems clear it's simply going to be uncomfortable for you at first. But that doesn't have to be a barrier unless you continue to let it be.