Porn and Fantasies!

[jackojacko2000]

Hi, I have 2 questions.
1. Is porn bad? I know there are many sides to the story, but I would like to get some kind of answer. I am a mature 15 year old so I know it is fake. I stopped about 6 months ago but I have the urge to watch it again or at least look at nude pictures.
2. I fantasize about my female cousins and sometimes my auntie and grandma when I masturbate! I know this sounds disgusting but my cousins wear hot pants and bikinis all the time and are really attractive and I whenever they are dressed like that it is hard to not think about those things. I would never do anything to them at all, it is just in my mind. What am I supposed to think about when I masturbate?

[Sam W]

Hi jackojacko,

The short answer to whether or not porn is bad is that there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex on film and other people enjoying those films. The issues with porn tend to come from stuff inside the industry (exploitation, a tendency to reinforce a very, very, narrow view of what attractive is, replication of misogynistic ideas). Too, sometimes porn can give you unrealistic expectations for what sex is like (although it sounds like you understand it's a fantasy rather than a reality) . Does that make sense?

As for what to think about, that's super variable. Some people think about actors, or fictional characters, or make something up entirely. I would say that your cousins are probably not the only people who dress in a way you find sexy, so if you're not comfortable with the direction your fantasies have taken, it's sound to experiment with thinking about other people/scenarios when you masturbate.

[jackojacko2000]

Thank you for your answer, so basically I should make my own decision regarding porn?

[Heather]

With any media -- and pornography is media -- and any consumer choices -- and it's that, too -- that is how it goes for everyone.

So, if we want to make an informed choice, whatever the media, and whatever it is we may be consuming, what we'll just want to do is our own research, whether that's about something very broad -- like the choice to consume animal products or not, or the choice to watch television or not -- or something more specific -- like a choice to consume animal products from a particular company, or to watch a specific show on television. How in-depth people do or don't get with that research, and with informing themselves, will tend to primarily be about how important it is to them. And then, what anyone does with the information they gathered tends to primarily be a matter of personal choice.

It's pretty similar with what you tend to do with your sexual energy, including fantasies to the degree they are within your control. So, for instance, in considering how you think about the women in your family, you probably have a bunch of things to consider, like what kind of relationship you want to have with them (if you're sexualizing them a lot, for instance, it's going to be more challenging to see and probably treat them as whole people, and to have relationships with them of much depth). But again, these are your choices.

[jackojacko2000]

Thanks for that, it is just that I am not really getting a clear answer about porn or my fantasies. If you could give me one that would be great, but if there is no clear answer than that is fine. Thanks so much.

[Heather]

Again, this isn't an answer someone else can give you: it's for you to look into, think about, and make your own choices with.

[Nyako]

In the case of both porn and fantasies, it's not letting them take over. If you begin to expect that from sex, or if they begin to dominate your life in any way, there is a problem. Most people use porn occasionally, and suffer no damage - it's those who become addicted that do. When it comes to fantasies, it's kind of the same - don't take it too far! Keep them as fantasies, and I doubt you'll have problems. I will say, though, if you experience problems getting off on anything other than those fantasies, or you come to have sex and you struggle to without porn, etc., then it has become a problem.
Essentially, in both cases, it's only a problem if you let it become a problem! You should be okay, but if you feel it is becoming a bigger thing than it should be, try to get help with it in whatever way. That is your decision to make!
I'm not an expert by any means, but I hope that kind of helps!

[Sam W]

Hi Nyako,

Thank you for your contribution! I do want to let you know for future reference that this section of the boards is for staff replies only to users.