Scarleteen

So I had sex with my boyfriend. It was my first time. I know that in my 20s now it might not be so common, but I was. My boyfriend doesn't believe that I was a virgin because he said that I didn't bleed. I bleed some on the toilet paper afterwards for several days, but it was just drops, nothing like tons of blood. First day I used a liner for the drops. Obviously I have had vaginal exams for issues and paps at this point in my life.

My boyfriend states that his last girlfriend was a real virgin and she bleed a lot when they first had sex. He states that the condom was covered in blood with his ex. Like I said, I felt unbelievably sore for several days, like it hurt to wear pants even, but I just bleed drops really only or mainly noticable when I wiped. I am kind of upset that my first time was obviously with someone who is so misinformed and doesn't believe anything that I say. Something tells me that that some guys out there have this misconception of staining the sheets with blood or something. He even went as far as stating that he read up online and did his research and that most ladies bleed only the minority don't bleed. Needless to say, I'm not thrilled about these crazy thoughts. So how common is it to actually bleed after 1st intercourse?

Hi kiki,

So, I don't know what your boyfriend was reading, but bleeding is not a sign of "virginity" nor is it a natural consequence of first intercourse. A lot of people do bleed after the first time, but that has more to do with nerves (that cause tension, which can lead to bleeding) and not using enough lubricant. But that's not the same as saying bleeding must always happen the first time. I think it might help to read these pieces (and show them to your boyfriend, if you want): My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

I also have to say that I am concerned that he doesn't trust you about your sexual history. Does he display that kind of distrust elsewhere in your relationship?