Why can't I feel anything during PIV?

[geodude123]

I have been having sex with my gf for about 3 or 4 months. We rarely do it consistently ut when we do I never cum. We don't ever have enough time for me to cum during PIV but she usually does. We dont really have a place or privacy it takes me awhile to finish and i only manage to once after forever. I was wearing a rubber at the time and i couldnt feel much, then i started hitting a spot repeatedly that rubbed it right enough to make me but even when i dont i cant feel much even if i go pretty deep. Once, she was on her cycle and we havent been able to do anything in a long time but i didnt have any protection and went in for 5 secs and it felt amazing! Every other time im just thrusting away to at least make her cum and see her face . Im not sure why this is happening because i was a virgin and so was she but from the very first time I never came and it takes a long time. I masturbate almost daily and I dont really use lotion or anything if thats important?

[geodude123]

Oh I havent given or received oral.

[Sam W]

Hi geodude,

One thing to keep in mind is that sex may not always feel how you expect it to. So sometimes, you can feel let down because it's like, "huh, is that all?" However, do you feel pleasure when you masturbate? Because something to try is seeing what works when you masturbate and then seeing how you can work in those motions, angles, sensations, etc in partnered sex.

[geodude123]

I do feel a pleasure when I masturbate but nothing too great and most of the pleasure comes from finishing. If what you say about it being not so great is true then thats a bit disappointing but expected and ive learned that about alot. I'm 18 and shes 19, so we both live with our parents we are each others first pretty much everything and we were virgins. Her parents are more controlling and I havent been able to see her as much but it's still once a week (she drives I don't), but it feels like a century, especially when she decides she doesn't want to have sex that week. I enjoy the action of sex more than the pleasure. I love to please,but because of our situation, we have to do it in a car. When we do, her indecisive nature makes it hard to tell when she wants to, when she can, and can she be convinced. I would never make her do something she didn't want to but she doesn't want to do oral. She told me she thought about it and really sounded like she considered it, but I think she mostly is thinking about herself because I can never tell if she's serious about something she wants to try on me. She got really sad when I was no longer with the idea of oral and she thought it was because of her feminine odors. I told her cause she would always stop me but I dnt think she believed me and she expects her to not have any smell. I told her the smell is amazing after sex, that sweatyness but thats besides the point. She tried stroking me once but it's uncomfortable and she has no clue what she's doing and another time acted goofy and kills the mood but asked me why i didnt feel anything. I get a bit irritated that she knows almost nothing how sex works let alone her own vagina. We rarely hang out, my sex drive is really high, I give her amazing sex even in a car, and she can just suddenly stop. It makes me paranoid and a bit angry because I do all the work and there is no compromise. She used to do this and let me finger her at the last minute then she would have to go, but lately she stops me from trying and getting in completely. She's so hard to read, she can't even read herself. I need help on someway to sustain my pleasure because i've tried to just stop getting aroused by touching and talking dirty when im with her but it just made me lose interest in being near her and made her paranoid, but I was paranoid she was cheating. She can just go on without it and she says she doesnt masturbate but she tried on the phone once, but says it's not the same. Once, we went 6 weeks without sex because of work, events, etc. and when we did chill during that time she didnt let me. It's upsetting and disappointing because she says if we had a bed we could do alot and I know im never getting oral in the car from her because sex was hard enough to get. She also says i have a choice when we do it, but she and me both know thats not true and shes like its not fair to me, and im just left thinking then WHATS THE PROBLEM. When we finally got together 4 out of the 6 weeks she said good news her cycle came. She didn't tell me she was paranoid about missing her period and we did it later on, but she's doing it again now. I told her from the first time we had sex, she tried to rush things and jump right into PIV but i told her it would her, she insisted she could handle it. I slowed her down, kissed, tried to rub but she told me to just put my finger all the way in, I tried two fingers next(my bad) it hurt and she wasn't with the idea of PIV anymore. I asked to put the tip in, I barely put my penis in she kept pulling me out from the pain and 2 or 3 days later I find out she thought she was going to be pregnant. She was extremely scared and the day we did but I thought
i reassured her. She always stops doing things out of nowhere I tell her I like even though she wants to know what would please me. Im tired of telling her what to do when we kiss or when she touches me because she always ends up feeling like she never does anything right. She never lets me rub on her around her vagina even with jeans on( prob the sensation of the tease like I get) but its boring the hell out of me like in the beginning where she wouldn't kiss me for more than 5 sec and push me away and would never initiate any kissing so we would just be sitting there. I really need some advice. She's too sexually inexperienced, I just did my research( not just porn). I would never cheat on her but her sudden changes make me paranoid shes cheating. Once she wouldn't let me finger her or have sex because she was on her cycle after waiting for it for a month and we already went 6 weeks without sex. I told her i didn't care about blood or anything and im sure she believes me.She told me that she was trying to keep everyone out until we did it so it could be as tight as possible when we do it. I asked her who the hell is everybody lol. She said oddly you, me...WHO. She said tampons. She's weird and all of this is new to me and making me paranoid, its not personally her though and I know shes paranoid about guy's loyalty too, but the only thing I know that fixes both of us is sex. I think she's been depraving herself of fingering so it can be fair, but I never know cause she doesn't say. I love her and she loves me, I liked that I was her first and I was able to teach her somethings but its upsetting she stops trying things and never lets me explore her body while at least while we make out. Im mad i spent my spare time preparing for my future gf, to be able to give back the pleasure ill receive and thats not even the case. It makes me mad how boring it is sometimes but she wants weird stuff like being choked and ill consider it but shes always moving my hand but she does let me play with her tits and suck on them but only after I have to keep asking to the point of begging. I just need some advice to satisfy my urges with her and maybe without so my trust issues doesn't ruin anything.

[Mo]

Hi geodude,

It sounds like you're pretty frustrated with how often your girlfriend is interested in sex, and what kinds of sexual activities she's comfortable with. I get that it can be hard to be in a situation where there's a mismatch in sexual desire.
But I'm honestly very concerned by what you've said here about convincing her to have a certain kind of sex, doing things that she only allows after you've asked repeatedly, and continuing to attempt intercourse when she was trying to stop you because of pain.

Fully consensual sex isn't about one person "letting" the other do things to them, or one person pushing for what they want until the other gives in, but about shared enthusiasm for the sexual activities that take place. And it doesn't sound like there's a lot of enthusiasm coming from her, at least not all the time. If she's truly interested in sex, or in certain kinds of sex, less often than you, it really isn't ok to push for more. You can ask for something, but if the answer is "no" or "not right now," or even a disinterested shrug, then you need to take that thing off the table for the moment. Any time you feel like she's being hard to read, in the absence of a clear, enthusiastic YES then it's best to assume she is not interested. Even if you've done it before, even if she's expressed interest but changed her mind.

You say that you're angry about this situation, and it sounds like some of this anger comes from you feeling like you're entitled to a certain level of sexual activity. But that just isn't the case - no matter what your preparations or expectations were, your girlfriend doesn't owe you sex (and you wouldn't owe it to her, if your circumstances were reversed). I really think it's a good idea to step back from having sex with her altogether while you sort this anger and frustration out. I'm going to leave some links at the end of this post about communication & consent for you to take a look at and talk over with your girlfriend, so you can both be on the same page about what kinds of sex, if any, you may want to have together and how you want to establish an ongoing conversation about consent in the relationship.

I'm guessing this isn't the answer you were hoping to hear, but I hope you'll take it to heart.
Here are those links:
Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

[geodude123]

Okay I think my text couldnt really tell the story but my frustration comes from how bad she wanted it at first. She was suggesting anal and I told her no, that would be horrible idea and I told her I had a rubber and she was on board. I dont try to force her but she does this thing where shes always indecisive about but wants it and expects me to push. Shell say things like oooo this is bad and sometimes she really means no but we end up just sitting there in the car and I ask her so whats next and she says iiii dont know what is next, in a suggestive voice. I never wanted to hurt her, she wanted to have sex and I was taking her virginity so i knew she would be in some pain but I still never went all the way in. I dont physically abuse her like it kind of sounds like you make me, trust me im loving and I understand text doesnt tell the whole story and sometimes is read in diff POV. Our first time, I tried to slow down so she could enjoy it but she wanted to rush I refused cause I knew what was best in the end. I practice communication but im angry because she does things like kiss my neck and knows I like it then wont do it(neck kissing is the stuff i was referring to that and rubbing on me) and I do all these things like kiss her neck, finger her, and then if im lucky she'll touch me. Im open to your advice but im trying to be the in a balanced relationship like she swears she belives in but she doesnt realize how selfish shes been and I feel like she toys with me. She kissed me first when we first started out. Then I was wondering if she would ever let me again and when I tried she turned her face and I got a mouthful of makeup fir weeks all the way to prom i couldnt kiss her lips and once I asked she told me I give her butterflies and I believed her. Then she wanted to hold hands and hug and she was okay for like a day then after that she would lean away or act weird if I tried touching her hair or something. I finally told her she is driving me crazy. I would reach for her then she would move away then I would say ok fine I wont then she would grab my hand . THen at pro she kissed me like it was nothing( I think she was trying to have this fantasy prom she talked about) then we would kiss ut couple weeks later she went back to her old ways. Then I asked and she said she heard some story bout her teacher and the girl left once he started liking her back and she was like thats not gonna happen to me and I gotta make you wait and other times its butterflies. After school is when we first tried PIV and it took forever trying to get her to kiss for more than 3 sec. I was losing my mind then and I am now. She was the one with all the freaky ideas. Dont look at me like the perv until you hear her. She talks about wanting to be tied up like in porn and she wants to be choked when we kiss. I just dont know whats going on. Weve had arguments about other stuff and we get over it and I tell her if I ever upset her to tell me and she always says you never make me mad. I try to build good communication to know whats going on but she doesnt always tell me and neither do I but we both are good there. It just sucks we rarely hang out now and when we do we dont make the most of it by having PIV. I know shes not obligated but she makes me initiate things and the only time she does its crazy shit. Once, we havent in 6 weeks, we planned to do it soon, she tells me she bought some leggings, I knew she wanted it then. I went to her house she puts on a horrible movie and we just kiss and I ask and she sits and debates in her head forever. I knew she wanted to have sex but was worried about her period I told her I didnt care. Finally she says another day, I was freaking out inside because of how much she wanted it but was willing to wait even longer. She lies about reasons too so I couldnt believe it and I persisted but finally said okay lets wait. Then shes like uuuuggghhh I want to though. Im like ok then she says no . Once I convinced her we went down stairs but she rushed it, scared that her sister would come down we did for a little while with a rubber but she stopped it. Then we go up stairs, her dad comes home, her sister just literally went up stairs and she asks me to fuck her on the couch. This is the 2nd time shes tried this. Im like your dad is upstairs, and I just used the rubber. She gets all disappointed but understands. DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN Now shes even more not with it even though she constantly tells me she had dreams about oral and she thinks about, I used to at least convince her to let me finger her cause when we kiss shes always saying how bad she wants it. Im gonna come to a conclusion myself even if its an illusion. She is trusting, just crazy, but we both agree we are, and indecisive to a whole nother level. My question is, help me find a way to cope with my paranoia of her and thinking of some sexual ideas to help compromise so the pleasure balance is completely off, something ill enjoy and some things that might be okay with her

[geodude123]

By wanting it I mean PIV not fingering

[Mo]

The thing is, I can't give you recommendations for what you'd both enjoy; the only way to figure that out is to talk with your girlfriend. I do think the best plan of action here is to just step back from sex for the moment, and have some big conversations about where you both stand. It sounds like she might be feeling conflicted about having sex in certain situations, or in general, and that you both need some clarification about what her feelings are and where your desires overlap. And really the only way to resolve this is to sit down some time when you have some time together and talk it over. But I'd encourage you to come into this conversation as free of anger and calling her "crazy" as you possibly can, so she feels safer being honest about how she's feeling.

It could be that you're just incompatible right now, in terms of level of sexual desire and willingness to communicate openly about it, and if that's the case I think it just isn't sound for you two to be in a sexual relationship.

[geodude123]

Yea our situation is very complicated and your right we do need to talk. The day I considered lets stop the sex, she got upset but it was majority my approach about it. Thank you for your help.