Scarleteen

Hi. I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend until now. I'm very new to this.

I have some general relationship concerns, just to see if I'm normal.

- Is it weird that I'm not into super cute/mushy stuff? Random compliments and romantic lines make me uncomfortable.

- I don't like the way a penis feels in my hand and I don't think I would like it in my mouth. Truthfully, I don't even want to see it. Otherwise I'm just as turned on as the next person when it comes to PIV sex. Is it possible to enjoy a sex life with me feeling this way? Is there something wrong with me?

- My BF uses too much teeth when kissing. How do I tell him? It makes kissing feel unpleasant. Also, I'm not into tongue (French kissing). Is that ok?

I am sooooooooo new to this and I'm worried my odd likes/dislikes, and if it means there's a problem

Welcome to the boards, harleyquinns.

So, I want to kind of reframe some of this and put it into a context that I think is more sound.

1) This person, and their penis, have been the experiences you have had with both any sexual partner, and someone with a penis, so far. So, what you know is that (if I have this right) you do not enjoy HIS penis in your hand, do not think you want HIS penis in your mouth, and do not want to look at his genitals. However -- again, I think I have this right -- you HAVE enjoyed penis-in-vagina intercourse with him?

2) I don't know what you mean by enjoying PIV "just as much as the next person." What people like sexually is all over the map, so some people enjoy that kind of sex -- or do sometimes, or with some partners -- and others don't. There isn't a "next person" in this way when we're talking about that kind of sex or any other. Same goes with, you disliking -- so far, and with this one partner -- touching or looking at their genitals. Same goes with you disliking open-mouthed kissing with this person.

So, while I do feel like I want to make sure I have all this right, something I would ask you is what, if anything, you DO like so far when it comes to being sexual or otherwise close with this person. Besides the talk of PIV, I'm hearing a lot of what you don't like with them or what makes you feel uncomfortable, but little to nothing about what you DO like and do feel comfortable with. Can you fill me in with that?

In terms of telling a sexual partner about a way they're doing something that doesn't feel good to you, it really is that simple. So, something like, "Hey, can you watch your teeth some when we're kissing? I keep getting scraped and it doesn't feel good," should do the job. It's not like telling someone something they are doing does or doesn't feel good to us is weird or problematic: instead, it's just part and parcel of sexual communication between partners, and how we learn together what does feel good for everyone.