Wanting him to play around a bit?

[Nervousone]

This is probably gonna sound weird, since my boyfriend and I have had sex plenty of times. I have mentioned in an earlier question that he's never seen my boobs before, since I'm really embarrassed by my size. Usually, when we're just sitting around and kissing, he tries to touch them, but I usually stop him. I want to change that. I figured this time would be a good opportunity for me to start opening up to him a bit. I want to get past the nerves and stop being so self conscious about myself. I was thinking I could just let him play around a bit. Should I ask him if that's something he'd like to do, or should I like take his hands and put them there, or just let his hands wander if he starts touching me? (I've been told a few times on here that it seems like I have some trouble communicating what I want during sex. I guess I do. I always think and rethink what I want to say/ask him, and usually just stop myself because I get it into my head that he'll say no and think I'm weird or something). I'm working to move past that, and think this is a way to start that. So for what I want to let him do, should I be subtle or is it better to be forward?

[Heather]

We should never just take someone's body part and put it somewhere we want it: doing that is usually doing something without someone's consent. We always should ask them if that's something they want to do then let them put their body parts there if they do want to.

How you want to communicate is going to have a lot to do with your own communication style, but on the whole, when it comes to sex, we want to do our best with partners to be clear communicators. If you like to be more subtle, but can do that still being clear, that's just fine, but often "subtle" with sex leaves the other person not at all clear with what we want or are asking for.

Kudos to you, by the way, for taking positive risks to be more accepting of your body!

[Nervousone]

Okay thanks! I'll talk to him about it. If it's something he wants to do, would it be a good choice for me to set a limit? Like just letting him touch, and that's it? Or could it possibly help me (in a way) if I just let him go for it and do whatever he wants?

[Heather]

That depends: what do you think you'd feel best about?

Mind, you always can set limits as you go, so if you want to say, "Hey, can you just explore my breasts some as you'd like to, and I'll see how that's feeling for me and let you know if I need anything to change up, or to stop anything at any time?"

In other words, this isn't actually something where it's either/or: it's more about if you know there are limits you want to set from the front, or if you'd prefer going with the flow and setting any you need as you go. Consensual sex with partners really isn't ever about just letting one person do "whatever they want" to another unless all of what that is is also what the other person likes and wants, too. But all of this should be happening with communication throughout, not just before anyone touches anyone else. We talk before we do that, and then we keep talking, rather than staying strangely silent through sexual activities, or only making happy or unhappy noises. Make sense?