Is there any way to make myself less tight?

[PrincessLuLu]

Okay, so I am a 21 year old heterosexual female in a monogamous long term relationship with a great guy. We are sexually active in many senses but haven't had 'actual sex' (vaginal intercourse). Both he and I have expressed desire to do so but so far just haven't gotten around to it (main issue is we are having issues finding time to spend together with our schedules, as both of us are full time college students). Anyways, in the meantime we have talked about this a lot and have decided to make sure to make time for 'personal stimulation', which I already do regularly. (omg this is so weird for me to talk about so I hope this makes sense) Recently I purchased a vibrator at my local drug store because I already have a bullet sized one that is pretty nice. Anyways, I recently attempted to use it for internal stimulation (the toy was about 1 inch in diameter at the part that goes in; the other side is the controls and the battery compartment) and I was unable to get it in more than maybe half an inch. Trust me, I was already aroused when I attempted multiple times, was breathing/relaxing, and definitely put extra lubrication on the toy and vaginal opening. After all of this (about an hour) I was still unsuccessful. I have also noticed in the past I am unable to get more than 1 (2 if I'm lucky, but I have small hands) finger in my vagina either. My vagina simply doesn't seem to stretch. What the hell?! I have no idea what is going on and I really want to have sex but now I'm scared something bad is going to happen like a serious injury if I try. I haven't told my SO about this because I am confused and embarrassed. Any help would be extremely appreciated.

[Sam W]

Hi Princesslulu,

The thing that makes insertion easier has more to do with the situation than with training your vagina in any way. If you're relaxed and aroused, it will be easier to insert things. If you're tense, or even just mentally not super into what is happening, it will be harder. Lube is also your friend here, since it can help make insertion way more comfortable.

[Mo]

Another thing to think about is that even when you are feeling relaxed and aroused, intercourse or any other insertive sex is likely a fairly new sensation (even if you've used tampons in the past, they're generally much smaller in diameter than anything else you'd be inserting other than a small finger), and it's something that can take some time to get used to. One thing that might be helpful is if you get some basic latex gloves from a drugstore (or non-latex ones if either of you has an allergy) and try insertion with fingers - either yours or your partner's - and a lot of lube, to get used to the sensation. Gloved fingers are a lot smoother and less likely to have any sort of sharp-fingernail issues than ungloved ones, so I think that'll help, and some people find that using their hands, or having their partners use their own, can be easier because it's easy to feel how your body's responding. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is take things slow, and if you find that you're just not enjoying that particular sensation, either in general, or during a particular instance of sex (whether that's intercourse or any other kind of sex), then it's probably a good idea to step back from it and spend more time having sex you know you enjoy.

And that may be another thing to consider - there is a different between feeling aroused, in general, and really wanting the feeling of something inside you, in particular. It could be that this kind of sex just isn't something you enjoy much at all, or isn't something you want all the time, and that's ok. You might need more time experimenting to really know this, but not everyone enjoys every kind of sex.

I really do encourage you to talk to your boyfriend about this. You don't have to frame it as a huge problem; it just sounds like you might need to take things slow for a bit and that's fine, but it's important to make sure you're communicating about your comfort level to him, so he's not inadvertently hurting you and you aren't trying to grit your teeth through something that's causing pain.

This article might be helpful to read through, as well. Yield for Pleasure

[PrincessLuLu]

So sorry that this may be tmi or kinda graphic but it's the only way I can articulate what is going on. Anyways, I can definitely do the thing with the gloves, because I do like the feeling of things inside me. Tbh we are kinda slow and I want faster, but I can stay at this rate if you think it'll help. And I have done what Sam W has suggested every time, and it just doesn't work. the thing is when I am turned on I have noticed that more and more I want the feeling of something inside me. I really want to have intercourse with my boyfriend. My main thing is that I cannot get my vagina to stretch with toys very well. Maybe it's some weird unconscious psychological thing or maybe I have some disease. I don't really know and it is incredibly frustrating. I haven't told my bf about this because I am embarrassed. I will try to find a way to talk to him sometime soon, somehow. I know he won't be upset or anything but I am upset I'm having this problem.

[PrincessLuLu]

And I have noticed my vagina does loosen up some when aroused but not very much

[Sam W]

I think I'd second what Mo said, in that case. Start with a gloved hand or a small toy and lots of lube and work from there.

With your boyfriend, it can help to remember that this is someone who cares about and wants sex to be comfortable for you (I'm assuming, since that's how a respectful partner behaves). So you can think of him as someone it's safe to talk to this stuff about. If you need more tips, this is a great piece: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner