bleeding a lot after the 1st time

[jula.ry]

okay so. a while ago i had my first time at a house party with some guy i barely knew. it hurt horribly and i bled so much, i had to go to the hospital. like we even had to stop because his lap was full with blood and the floor as well, he helped me to clean up before he told me to rest on the couch. to visualize how much blood i've lost - i used up a whole roll of toilet paper because i couldn't find any pads, i bled through my panties and pants AND my jacket. also, i tried to get home and stopped at my best friend's place to shower & get dressed (but i still bled through her clothes). she tried to walk me to hospital and i almost fainted from losing so much blood.
i always see so many people on the Internet saying it's not supposed to hurt or bleed; and i only know one person who bled as much as me. and it just makes me wonder what's wrong? i know that the hymen is elastic and doesn't fully cover the entrance.
so why? is it because of not enough foreplay? i mean we made out for a long time and i got really turned on from that. we also did oral sex. i dont really want to give him any fault, he was genuinely nice and caring. but i also know im not at fault here. maybe my hymen is different?
also im kinda afraid that the next time im having sex i will bleed so much again. i probably wont have a relationship in the near future because i can't quite picture myself having any luck with that (haha) but what when i want to hook up with someone? i dont want it to become a bloody mess again.

thanks for reading through 20 minutes worth of typing and i hope anyone can help me with this or has made a similar experience. q.q

[Carmen]

Hi Jula.ry,
Welcome to Scarleteen!
Sex can certainly cause bleeding - whether it be from lack of lubricant, an STD or just being tense nervous - there are a variety of reasons and because everyone has different bodies and different responses to sex, it is not possible for us to diagnose what happened to you or if it was normal for your body or not.
It might be worthwhile to consider consulting a medical or health professional, especially because it sounds like your response was pretty extreme and put your health in danger. All your thoughts are totally valid and you also shouldn't have to be afraid of or dread your next sexual experience - so consulting a medical professional could be good, if that's something you would feel comfortable doing?
Glad you reached to us

[jula.ry]

thank you a lot! i had to do a mandatory check-up at the gynecologist afterwards, but didn't ask her why i bled so much. i should've asked..

[Redskies]

When you went to the hospital, did they examine you, and what did they say? An in-person healthcare provider who examined you would have much better information than we can, over the internet, to know the cause of your pain and bleeding. Did your gynecologist tell you the result of your check-up - did they think you were fine, or did they have any concerns?

You can always telephone your doctor's office with any questions you forgot to ask at the time. Again, having examined you, your gynecologist would be in a better position than we would to be able to tell you what might have caused the bleeding.

Any time you start having any pain with entry, the best idea is to stop. (You can continue with any other kinds of sex that you want and that feel good and not painful, of course!) Pain indicates that something isn't right. It sounds like you carried on with intercourse even though it hurt?

[jula.ry]

they said i was fine but didnt say why exactly i bled so much - i guess they just assumed that this happens when you have your first time. i dont know why i didnt ask any further.

yes, but i thought the pain would go away soon, and well, i sort of forgot the pain during intercourse but when pulling out it hurt again. it wasnt painful afterwards i just felt a bit sore.

thank you!

[Heather]

You know, I would suggest you figure that this experience is not likely to have been about something wrong with your body, rather than you and your partner having done something that caused an injury. This doesn't have to be about anyone being "at fault" or blaming someone for something. This can happen because of one or both people not knowing to go at intercourse very gradually, not using PLENTY of additional lubricant, or not speaking up when something doesn't feel awesome instead of just continuing (sometimes even if it hurts, like you did, when that pain was your body's way of telling you you were hurting yourself and to stop or make adjustments so it did NOT hurt). These are all the most common reasons for vaginal bleeding with first times or any time after, not hymens or health problems. These also aren't things anyone at the hospital is likely to ask about, because it's just outside the education of most healthcare staff, including doctors (sexuality care is rarely included in medical school, and when it is, it is very, very brief and incomplete).

I also want to add that if you were doing any drinking at that party, that whether it's about sex, scraping a knee or getting tattooed, when we drink, we tend to bleed more readily and more heavily. That's just an impact alcohol has on the body. So, that may have been at play, too.

I think worrying about this happening again like it's out of your control isn't going to help you, and it's clearly got you all stressed out, probably for no good reason. I'd suggest a focus on all you and any partners can do to make any kind of sex with vaginal entry safe and feeling good, as that will be what most likely prevents this, for you or anyone else. If your doctor didn't see anything to suggest a problem, you really can rest assured it's because there isn't one, and this was probably about what was or wasn't done in the most basic ways, rather than a problem with your body. And you can do this all differently the next times (like not continuing when something hurts): that's in your control!

[jula.ry]

thanks!!