Condom usage question

[Elsiesmama]

Hi there,

I have a question or several questions actually. So I was dry humping with my boyfriend something we always do. But he was naked and I had just my underwear on. I hate getting his precum on me because it makes me paranoid about maybe getting pregnant. So we had gotten condoms and decided to use one for this. But after like a minute the condom broke like literally he tore a hole right through the top and all the pre cum got on my legs and some on my underwear. So my first question is does that pose a risk? I read the article you can't get pregnant with pants on but I only had underwear on??? My other question is why did it break? I don't know if maybe we did it wrong or can you not use a condom for that kind of activity?

Finally my last question is, we've been really wanting to get active with oral sex and we've been blood tested for std's as well as HIV about a year ago and it was negative, BUT I get canker sores and cold sores a lot and I know that's technically herpes and I worry is transferring that to him if we did oral sex? Obviously we've kissed when I have active canker sores not cold sores and he's never gotten one so I just wanted to know like if that was a possibility?

Thank you so much I know I wrote a lot, but I've been meaning to ask these questions for forever!

[Heather]

Here's information for you about what does and doesn't present pregnancy risks: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

It matters when a condom breaks when someone is using it for direct contact. But that can't happen when people have clothes on (and a condom can't do anything with that either), because there isn't direct contact. There's really no need for people to wear condoms when they're dressed, unless they just like how they feel. The condom likely broke in this case because it was getting rubbed against fabric, which adds a lot of friction, and a kind condoms aren't designed for.

Unfortunately, HSV-1 (oral herpes) can be something spread to someone else with oral sex. Canker sores, for the record, aren't about the herpes virus: those are mouth injuries. It's cold sores that are. What you want to do is talk to your partner about Herpes, ask how they feel about oral sex with that risk, and, if they still want to have you do oral sex with them, talk about using condoms for that, and make sure they're okay with condoms reducing the risks, but still not totally taking them away.

[Elsiesmama]

I read the article and I feel kind of stupid about using the condom because the article says at least some fabric so I'm pretty sure we're good in that aspect. So regarding the cold sores, I get them maybe once or twice a year. Am I always carrying the virus or is it only active when I have a cold sore? Do we always have to use a condom? Is the herpes transmitted when he does oral sex on me?

[Heather]

Okay, so, you always have HSV-1. Cold sores are simply a symptom of that viral infection, and just not a symptom that's a constant, just like, say, dizziness is often a symptom of diabetes, but it's not always a constant for someone diabetic.

What you need to address, in prevention behaviors, is contact between your mouth and any of another person's mucous membranes (genitals, mouths, eyes, inside the nose or ears). If a partner wants to do all they can -- or you do -- to prevent transmission, then you'll want to use barriers all the time for all contact between your mouth and those other sites on a partner. If they, and you, are comfortable with less protection than that, the barriers used for oral-genital contact is the way to go, and if they and you feel good about even less, then you're talking only using them when you have or are getting an active sore. That get you filled in?