Hi Scarleteen!
What a confusing situation I got myself into! A little while ago, I broke up with my boyfriend and began dating again. There has always been this guy that I've know for about two years that has tried to pursue me even if I was in a relationship! It all started when I met him when I was a senior and he was a junior. He was kinda the "bad guy" he smoked, did drugs, hooked up with a lot of girl but I was the complete opposite of him or any other girl he's been with. We talked everyday for about 9 months and I kept telling him "listen, this is fun and all, but I'm looking for a lasting, committed relationship" he said he wasn't ready for one but he would keep trying to pursue me and even said he was ready for something more serious. Well that ended and he led me on so to speak. Fast forward a year later, he's been trying to pursue me. He offered to take me out on a date (never happened before) picked me up at my house (never happened before) and shared deep, intimate, personal conversations. He is quite the talker but that's okay because I'm a listener. He told me he's changed. He quit the smoking, has got 2 jobs and goes to school full time. He held my hand, told me I was beautiful, you name it! I can't really tell if he's being genuine or not. Some of the things he said were kinda off and he was a bit too touchy feely. Do you think he could be playing mind games with me?
Where to begin with this one!
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Mo
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 2287
- Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him, they/them
- Sexual identity: queer/bisexual
Re: Where to begin with this one!
Saying "I've changed" is a pretty vague statement! That may be true, but it doesn't mean the changes will align with what you're looking for. Is he interested in the same kind of committed relationship you are? What does that mean, exactly, to each of you? Those are things you can ask him and you can probably get a sense, based on how that conversation goes (or even how willing he is to have it at all), of how compatible you are. But he's really the only person who can answer these questions.
If he still says he's not looking for a relationship, or that the kind of relationship he wants isn't what you're looking for, I think it's best to take that at face value and move on. If it does seem like his priorities and behaviors have changed, then you may want to start something with him! But I think trying to interpret the situation without asking these really specific questions isn't going to be that helpful, so maybe start there and see what he says.
If he still says he's not looking for a relationship, or that the kind of relationship he wants isn't what you're looking for, I think it's best to take that at face value and move on. If it does seem like his priorities and behaviors have changed, then you may want to start something with him! But I think trying to interpret the situation without asking these really specific questions isn't going to be that helpful, so maybe start there and see what he says.