Scarleteen

Ok... so at risk of sounding foolish...

My husband and I have been using fertility awareness to try to avoid, but i guess we've been not happy with any of the barriers (or else... the barrier- condoms, we also do withdrawal which isn't that fun either) we use during our fertile time and feel they all come in the way of our intimacy in some way. Also my husband is dealing w/ delayed ejaculation, so it's extra special when we take the time for him to finish in me and feels so perfect. Well, this month we've been very busy. We missed my safe (1st 5 days) time this month and were too busy to make love that week, and we really wanted to be UP after that window had finished... so we both finished on CD 8 and 9 as in he finished inside of my vagina. I'm not that nervous, but want to know if pregnancy is a possibility. I am pretty intuitive about my cycle as in when i'll O. Just starting to feel now like i'm in my fertile window, so it should still be a few days away (it's cycle day 10 now). My mucus now is almost fertile (getting stretchy), but it isn't quite egg white yet. My O ranges from day 11-16, but 11-12 is rare, and typical for me is 13-14ish... so if I O'ed on day 13-14, could i get pregnant? I read that it's unlikely as sperm usually lives 3 days right, but rarely can live 5 and it only lives in fertile cervical mucus. How much of a possibility do you think that the risk we took is? We aren't in a place at all for a baby now, but ultimately i know we'd be happy. it would mean so many life changes and it's already been a hard year for us of many changes.

it stays in your uterus for about 7 days. Meaning it has 7 days to travel around before it finally dies.

thanks hayley. I asked on a fam board, and yes it's a risk what we did, but i'm not thinking too great as sperm technically can live 7 days, but usually only 2-3... from what i understand. that given, it's not something anyone should think is perfectly safe. My intuition is that i'm fine and still have a few days to ovulation... we'll see what happens. No matter how terrifying a baby would be right now, it would always be a gift.

Hi Soccerchic,

(Just an aside to haley, this space is for staff/volunteer responses to users only)

At this point, what you can do is wait until you can take a pregnancy test to see if this resulted in a pregnancy. I know you mention that you're not finding barriers that work, but if you really feel like you're no ready for a baby, then having a back-up method to FAM is your best bet. If barriers are not working, have you thought about a hormonal method of birth control?

I might try 1 more time to be refitted for a diaphragm (if this doesn't result in a pregnancy). I tried 2x to be fitted as that was what i wanted, but i think my cervix is strangely shaped. I feel physically bad on hormonal BC, and I don't like to take hormones to mess with my own hormonal rhythm. Withdrawal is fine for us, but not withdrawing is always so wonderful for both of us... that it's tempting (what went wrong... we wanted to, thought the risk was small, but then I ovulated EARLY). I think our solution is to possibly get me a diaphragm and be more careful, and not rely on what "usually" happens. Speaking of... I think i ovulated on day 11 this time, based on symptoms. Did not confirm yet w/ 3 high temps, just 1, but i had all the symptoms. I've been very anxious all day because now I feel like I actually might have a significant pregnancy risk if I had unprotected sex 2 days before ovulation, which seems to be the case. No matter what, it will be ok and we'll be happy and grateful ultimately w/ many other emotions there too, but i feel very unwise.

Hi soccerchic,

I think it would be worth your time to peruse this feature: Birth Control Bingo!.
You may consider other barriers besides the diaphragm, like condoms (finding the right fit is easier: http://luckybloke.com/pages/find-your-condom-size). Also, if it has been five days or less since a risk, emergency contraception is always an option. People sometimes feel crampy or otherwise crappy after taking it, but those effects are short-lived. You may also consider a long-term, non-hormonal method like an IUD.

Let us know if you have any questions about the methods I mentioned, or any other methods.

Amanda wrote:
I think it would be worth your time to peruse this feature: Birth Control Bingo!.
You may consider other barriers besides the diaphragm, like condoms (finding the right fit is easier: http://luckybloke.com/pages/find-your-condom-size). Also, if it has been five days or less since a risk, emergency contraception is always an option. People sometimes feel crampy or otherwise crappy after taking it, but those effects are short-lived. You may also consider a long-term, non-hormonal method like an IUD.

Let us know if you have any questions about the methods I mentioned, or any other methods.

Thank you! We used to use condoms, but we didn't love them. Withdrawal works for us when we use it, but i told my husband we didn't need to withdraw this time, but then i ovulated early (today is 2DPO based on symptoms and temps). Honestly, i didn't sleep much at all for 2 nights, i was so nervous about all of this... it's also a stressful time at work, so I feel like I'm in a daze. Honestly, if we got pregnant, we talked about it, we'd be terrified, and would have LOTS to figure out, but would be happy. We were planning to wait two years or so, but it's a dream of ours in the future; probably my biggest dream. I would be shocked though if I was pregnant. I'm just as anxious that I would have damaged the kid by not taking proper measures before hand, as I am the changes and stress it would cause for us (i'm newly graduated and only 7 months married... it's been a year of so many changes and I just got notified yesterday that there will be another big change at my job that might lead me to look for a new job, so it's been a crazy time). Also nervous cause I have a mild endocrine condition that might potentially cause some pregnancy risks if it did happen. I was up nervous last night, so I made a list of steps I would need to take if we were pregnant (professionals to call and that sort of thing, such as my endocrinologist, things to research, tests to get- i am super type A when it comes to health). Feeling like we have a plan and could be happy if that was the case. If not, we will be relieved and more careful. We talked for about a minute about the morning after pill, but we know it's not the route we want to go.

I looked into a non hormonal IUD, but we believe that life begins at conception, and my understanding is that it sometimes prevents implantation of a fertilized egg, not just conception. Perhaps that is a misunderstanding? I would be interested in learning more if that wasn't the case.

Update! I know my very cycle well, because I've been charting symptoms and temps for 2 years. Basically, I never had the usually symptoms I get before ovulation this cycle, but I freaked out about our unprotected sex slip up, and i didn't sleep for 2 days. My temp jumped for two days, but 1 FAM rule is to not take a temp as accurate unless you get 4 hours of consecutive sleep. After my husband and I decided we'd be ok and ultimately happy if we were pregnant (just would be poor timing, but we believe any baby at any time is a wonderful gift), I relaxed, started sleeping, and then my temp dropped to pre ovulatory temps and now I have all my usual pre-ovulation symptoms (fertile cervical fluid, high soft open cervix, and temp is low still). So I almost certain that never even ovulated yet but my body is just gearing up to do so now! I cried this morning I was so relieved. We'll probably start trying in a year and a half or so, but we married young before our lives are in order, and have so much we wanted to do first, and honestly the thought of caring for a little person right now seems like a very very scary thought i'm not ready for. This is a big lesson to us to be more careful, and follow those FAM rules carefully (esp cause my cycle is regular enough within 4-5 days, but not textbook, and i did ovulate once on day 11- if that was this month like i thought, we could have been pregnant), because this was a very stressful week for us. Also, to anyone who might use FAM... please follow the rules because you don't want to end up in a scary situation.

I'm glad you're feeling much calmer!

Like you say, I think this is probably one of those things in life in the category "live and learn" It can be easy with all kinds of things - obviously contraception here, but it's certainly not exclusive to contraception! - to think in the moment "it'll be okay just this once", and then wind up in a situation where we're finding in a very real way that it isn't okay and that it's not a chance we're okay with taking after all. I think that finding that self-knowledge and then making different decisions in future is really a very positive use of this kind of situation, so, good on you for that.

And yep, FAM as a sole method is definitely one of the least forgiving of mess-ups and rule-breaking!

Per your question about non-hormonal IUDs, I believe that the most current medical knowledge (because fascinatingly, the exact working of IUDs is still unknown) is that preventing implantation may be a part of its function, although its primary functions are inhibiting sperm motility and inhibiting fertilization. But I'll make sure one of my colleagues can confirm that for you. (Also, in medical terms, "conception" refers to the process of becoming pregnant which also includes implantation, not solely the point of fertilization. Not quibbling with your personal beliefs about what you do and don't want for your own reproductive life, just wanting to clear up some confusion that can happen when different people use the same word to mean different things.)

Redskies has that right.

But something I'd also add -- just as something to consider with any of these choices -- is that bodies, all by themselves, often prevent implantation (and thus, conception, which is a medical term which means a fertilized egg implanting in the uterine wall) when an egg has been fertilized. In fact, estimates for that are generally that it happens as much as 50% of the time, even.

I get wanting to find methods that, whatever our ethics and beliefs, feel like a fit with those. But, as a reproductive health educator, I feel like this one can be particularly problematic because it can make it seem like conception -- AKA, implantation -- not happening after fertilization is rare (when, again it's very common) and only when someone does something to get in the way of that, like by using certain methods of birth control. That said, if something about the body doing that by itself seems or feels very different to you than any method potentially doing so, then it does.

In that case, and presuming that you feel more strongly about that than about using a method you may like better, chances are that using FAM in conjunction with some kind of barrier method -- be that male/outside or female/inside condoms or cervical barriers -- withdrawal or spermicide are probably going to be what you feel are your only belief-based fits. If you'd like to talk about how to use any of those in ways that aren't likely to feel like a drag as they have, we can certainly talk about that with you!