Am I gay? Do I like my friend romantically?

[ballerina99]

Okay so I'm 16 and a sophomore in high school. About 2 years ago I began questioning my sexuality. Whenever my friends would obtain permission who I liked I'd always say "no one" which was partly true. I think at one point when I was 14 I liked this guy who lives around the corner from me but I really don't know if I did. I guess that's my first question. How do I know if I had feelings for him. Anyways other then that there's never been a guy I like. My friends always spoke about how this this celebrity was or whatever and I always felt uncomfortable participating in the conversation. However, last year, I met a girl when I entered the high school who I quickly became friends with. We have very different personalities but a lot of the same interests. We were in the same first period class. After a month or two in the year she was taken out of school for a bit because of some personal issues she needed to handle. I checked up on her a lot and did what I could to help. This year we have no classes together and we don't see eachother too often. But for a couple weeks this year, whenever I see her I would start shaking and I'd get all red. That doesn't happen too much anymore. Now I think about her constantly. Whenever I see her I just want to hug her and hold her. I had a dream about a week ago where she kissed me. I felt very good in the dream. I think I like her but I want to be sure. I believe she is bisexual. Also this year we have been dealing with the loss of a mentor we shared. It's been very hard on both of us and when I was feeling especially bad one day I'd just want to talk to her. So my questions are. How do I know if I liked that guy and how do I know if I currently like this girl? Also how would I be able to tell of I'm gay? Thank you so much!!

[Heather]

So, sexual orientation is about how we feel, sexually, romantically, or both, about people: what kind of feelings we find, over time, we generally experience with other people based on their gender.

How someone feels about one or two people generally isn't a lot to go by when it comes to figuring out orientation, so if you don't feel strongly you have the answer to that yet -- whether that answer is straight, queer or bisexual, gay/lesbian, asexual, whatever -- then where you're at right now is questioning, which is, in and of itself, a term for sexual orientation, and one that would probably describe many young people (more than not, I'd say).

How you'd know -- or will know -- if you're gay or lesbian is because a) you just feel it, b) you observe a pattern over time where all or most of your sexual or romantic feelings are for people of the same gender you are, and/or c) because that's what you want to call yourself.

No one else can tell you how you feel about someone, and if you do or don't have sexual or romantic feelings with or about someone: that's only something you're going to be able to know. But I do think it's fair to say that if you don't have any sense of if you have those feelings or not, chances are usually pretty good that's because you don't have them, you know?

[ballerina99]

Yes that makes sense. Would you recommend talking to her about how I feel, if I determine I do have romantic feelings for her?

[Heather]

That's really up to you! Whether or not we want to share our feelings, or do anything with them -- like by trying to pursue a sexual or romantic relationship -- is always a decision based on more than just having those feelings. It's about what we might want and feel ready for, what the other person does (or doesn't), how we feel about any kind of relationship (like a friendship) we have already, the works.

[ballerina99]

Okay so I'm 16 and a sophomore in high school. About 2 years ago I began questioning my sexuality. Whenever my friends would ask who I liked I'd always say "no one" which was partly true. I think at one point when I was 14 I liked this guy who lives around the corner from me but I really don't know if I did. I guess that's my first question. How do I know if I had feelings for him. Anyways other then that there's never been a guy I like. My friends always spoke about how this this celebrity was or whatever and I always felt uncomfortable participating in the conversation. However, last year, I met a girl when I entered the high school who I quickly became friends with. We have very different personalities but a lot of the same interests. We were in the same first period class. After a month or two in the year she was taken out of school for a bit because of some personal issues she needed to handle. I checked up on her a lot and did what I could to help. This year we have no classes together and we don't see eachother too often. But for a couple weeks this year, whenever I see her I would start shaking and I'd get all red. That doesn't happen too much anymore. Now I think about her constantly. Whenever I see her I just want to hug her and hold her. I had a dream about a week ago where she kissed me. I felt very good in the dream. I think I like her but I want to be sure. I believe she is bisexual. Also this year we have been dealing with the loss of a mentor we shared. It's been very hard on both of us and when I was feeling especially bad one day I'd just want to talk to her. So my questions are. How do I know if I liked that guy and how do I know if I currently like this girl? Also how would I be able to tell of I'm gay? Thank you so much!!