Scarleteen

Hi. So I'm having some difficulties with sex.

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year, we're in college, and we've wanted to have sex for a while but haven't really had numerous opportunities to. Over the summer we tried and it was really rushed and in the back of a car and just not an ideal situation. We were both super nervous, there wasn't a lot of space, he had difficulty finding where things needed to go, and he ended up losing the boner right after putting on the condom.

After that things were kinda awkward, but since then we've talked it out and still agreed that having sex was an experience we wanted to share with each other. A couple days ago there was (finally!) an opportunity to have sex, and we tried it but he couldn't get it in. He's said that it's not because of the size of his penis (which he says is average sized), and I know that women give birth all the time so I know that my vagina can't be that small and should be able to fit a penis.

I don't masturbate and I know that if I did I'd probably understand my anatomy a lot better, but I've tried and I must be doing something wrong because it never feels particularly good or enjoyable. Please if you have any tips or advice or suggestions I would love to hear it. I love him and am deeply attracted to him and really want to be able to share this with him. I feel really awful about it not working twice, and it's crushing my confidence. We're both at different colleges so it's a long distance relationship, and I know that when we're apart we both think about sex all the time. It's maddening to come home and have the opportunity to have sex and not be able to because we don't know what we're doing and I'm bad at it. Please help! Thanks so much.

-AllSmiles

Hello there, allsmiles. Welcome to Scarleteen.

Sorry you are feeling so frustrated, I can understand why. Masturbating is not the only way you have to get to know your body. Just saying this because if you are not interested in masturbation, you don't have to do it (...although if you want to, that's something you can always try.).

Sometimes sex can be awkward if we feel rushed or not completely comfortable with timing and space, and I hear you when you say that being in a long distance relationship doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes people think about sex as a performance where either you do it right or you fail, but that's not how it works. Truth is, sex can be very fun when you feel comfortable and safe enough to explore, try and make mistakes. After all, trying is the only way to know what we like and what we don't.

I'm going to leave you a couple of links here, that are a good place to start. If you'd like you can try spending some time watching your body in front a mirror, if that helps too.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... s_and_more
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gende ... ntercourse

Maybe you can give them a read and then we can take it from there.