Do I do it??!

[ballerina99]

So I've had this major crush on a girl in a class of mine for a while now. Almost a year in fact. Anyways she's gay and so am I. Recently she posted something on social media that was saying how she really wants to hook up with someone but she doesn't have anyone to hook up with. I feel like maybe this is my chance to "make a move". I've never kissed anyone before and I know she has so maybe it would be a huge deal for her. I don't know. I just was wondering if I should do something? Or just let it go? Thanks

[Heather]

How about just asking her to hang out, and seeing how it goes when you have some alone-time together? That way you can make some move that's not too giant or sudden -- especially since someone saying they want something sexual on social media isn't a general open invitation, after all, nor consent by itself -- and see if you two have the kind of chemistry and comfort together that might make you want to pursue more at a pace that makes sense for your own level of experience?

[ballerina99]

So you're saying hang out and then see if it feels right to kiss her? A pace for my level of experience. What do you mean?

[Heather]

And if she wants to be kissed, too! Again, someone putting on their social media they want someone to hook up with isn't a personals ad or an open invitation. To find out if she wants to be sexual with you, and you with her, you've got to at least hang out first and see how you both feel about and with each other.

[ballerina99]

Oh yea! I will definitely make sure she wants to be kissed haha. How do I do that though? Like straight up ask if I can kiss her?

[Heather]

By all means, "Can I kiss you?" is pretty standard fare, just like, say, "Can I take your coat?" is what we ask before just taking someone's coat.

[ballerina99]

When would be the right time to ask?

[Onionpie]

The right time to ask would be just before you want to kiss her, I would assume

[Heather]

You're also just going to be paying attention to her, and using your gut feelings to suss out if she seems like she would want you to kiss her.

[ballerina99]

I've never kissed anybody or even ever been in a relationship so I'm unsure what exactly it would look like if she did want to kiss me/ if she wanted me to kiss her. I don't want to make her uncomfortable in any way so I want to be sure I know what kind of signs I'm looking for if that makes sense?

[Ashleah]

It would look different for everybody, so having kissed somebody before wouldn't necessarily give you an idea of when or if your crush was interested in kissing. This is really one of those things that you have to read the situation as it is happening and pay attention to what is going on as Heather said. I don't want to give a list of signs that someone might want to be kissed because, again, that would look differently depending on the person. I will say that both of you all feeling comfortable with each other once you hang out is (even if a little nervous) going to be one of the things you will want in place.

Also, a kiss doesn't have to happen! Maybe try not focusing on that aspect so much so that you aren't experiencing any pressure or anxiety about it and can fully enjoy your time together.

[ballerina99]

Yea that's a good idea. We've hung out a couple times before and I've been good friends with her for over a year now, so we are pretty comfortable with each other. That's why I was focusing mostly on kissing.

[Heather]

So, now all you have to feel out when you hang out again is if, besides being comfortable, both of you want to kiss each other. And it sounds to me like your best way to figure that out is to focus on your own wants and feelings when you are together, and if they say "I really want to kiss her," then your next step is to ask her if you can kiss her, so you find out if she also wants to kiss you.