i think i am pregnant. but to the point where i have basically convinced myself i am; i close my eyes and see my stomach growing, and my family disowning me and their reactions when i tell them. i am only 18 and in college so this is an extremely big deal to me. i dont know what to do about it, i can't just go get a pregnancy test, i can't go to the doctor about it since i dont have insurance and there is no nearby free clinic around me. it's a waiting game and i am so lost on what to do.
the reason behind me thinking this is the amount of symptoms i am seeing in my body. my stomach has been bloated for a while, my face has been breaking out, my eyes are red (which i didnt even KNOW WAS A preg. symptom until i googled), my discharge has been milky and leaving my underwear damp at times, ive been nauseous, my head has been hurting, my back, and my breasts were sore for 3 days also i've noticed the nipple/areola look increasingly peculiar and even darker sometimes whcih is the scariest sign to me, even bowel movements have become difficult. im stressed beyond belief and i dont know how to deal with this.
the thing is my "boyfriend," is from a very conservative family, and i am not; so granted, his parents LOATHE me, theyve talked poorly about me many times and even told him to end things with me but he continues to see me behind their backs. this adds an insane amount of guilt to me, because when i do see him i nkow he's lied about his whereabouts and his reprocussions could be terrible for the both of us. on one of his secret outings, things got heated between us (now, we've both chosen to save penis in vagina sex for marriage). he sat me in his lap and began to grind on me, we've done this a couple of times but this time (we were in my room) his pants came off and his underwear dropped to the floor too. i was wearing sweats, which he took off, and underwear which i made sure stayed on. however, as we got more and more intimate he began to finger me (ah sorry for being so graphic) and kiss me at the same time. after he fingered me, he told me to give him oral sex which i did, and then he lifted me again and began to grind me on me for about 15 seconds until i told him to stop. but i dont remember if i had pulled up his underwear again.
this is where my worry comes in, could i have gotten pregnant from this?
im thinking what if my underwear shifted after he fingered me, and he had pre-cum on his penis and as we grinded the pre-cum touched my vulva? that's possible risk for pregnancy right? i didnt feel anything wet, but right after i told him to stop, i went to bathroom and my underwear was soaked. the first thing i thought of was that he ejaculated without me noticing and without telling me and that it had soaked through to my vulva creating a pregnancy. do women normally feel when their partner ejaculates? did i just not notice it? agh.
after this incident, i was worried and i knew i couldnt talk to my partner about it because his parents cut me off from him completely meaning no phone no social media nothing and i wont see him until spring break probably. my parents dont know we do these things so i cant tell them or theyd kick me out of the house, adding MORE guilt i have to lie about it too because my parents dont like me talking to him since his family hates me SO MANY LIES I CANT TAKE IT. i have no idea who to turn to and this is all in my head exploding. on top of this, left and right im beginning to see baby ads, for clothes, people announcing pregnancies and becoming new moms whether it's on a tv show or a celebrity i see it everywhere, I went to the movies and a pregnancy joke was on 2 preview screenings. my guilt has increased to an alarming amount i dont know what to do. please send me any advice or anything that could help me, im scared and just so confused. i know yall get a lot of pregnancy scare posts and im sorry for adding on i just need reassureance. every time i google my symptoms my worst suspicions are only confirmed.
