I don't trust condoms?

[Elsiesmama]

Hi there,
I posted before about a condom that ripped and since then I've been having a hard time trusting condoms. And now I'm in a small situation.

I have practically no experience with condoms or knowledge. But my boyfriend does. He carefully opens them and places them and he pinchs the tip and all that stuff. But I don't know I don't really trust them? Like I feel even after he puts it on there's a bunch of condom material hanging around and I don't know. I'm just super weirded out by them. We used one to protect from direct genitals touching. Only for a minute cause I really don't trust them. But how safe are they really from preventing pregnancy? I was nervous about them but I read the buddy article and technically we used a condom as well as withdrawal method and fam, I ovulated a week ago. But still I worry, does the condom really protect his pre cum from transferring??

Another question I have if by a chance, precum got on his hands and then touched the condom when putting it on, then directing touching me, does that pose a threat too? Or since it left his body, touched his hand, and then transferred onto condom and onto me, there's no way it can get me pregnant?

And last one, I saw on the condom it said it has spermicide on it, is that taken into consideration with condom effectiveness?

[Ashleah]

Hey,

Condoms are very effective at preventing pregnancy when used properly! 98% in one year of proper use. One of the nice things about condoms is that you would know if failure occurred. If it ripped or slipped off then it would be immediately noticeable. So if those things did not occur then you can assume that the condom provided protection.

You can find a lot more info here as well as the answers to your questions: http://www.scarleteen.com/birth_control_bingo_condoms

Have you considered other methods? Maybe something with a higher level of effectiveness that might feel more comfortable for you?

[Ashleah]

Missed something! There shouldn't be any hanging material when the condom is on. It is possible that your partner is using a condom that is too big.

And you can find your answer about pregnancy risk here: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... _from_that

[Elsiesmama]

My question is like me and my boyfriend were already being sexual but doing things that didn't need a condom and when we wanted to have direct touch, we put the condom on. Is that still proper use?? In the bingo article it said to put condom on before sexual activity??

I am interested in birth control, but I don't know of a method that works for me besides withdrawal and fam.

I read the pregnancy article and I realize that direct touching is a risk but since we used a condom I believe we are okay in that aspect. And in regards of possible pre cum being transferred onto condom, that counts as indirect contact with fluids so there's no risk there either??

I just want to be sure, thanks!!

[Heather]

FAM actually won't be a sound choice for anyone your age, because you'll need to have had regular cycles for far longer than you probably have AND fertility and ovulation and almost always too sporadic for someone in their early teens -- and often teens, period -- to be able to make accurate estimates from daily charting of your cervical mucus, basal temperatures or, ideally, both. Have you gone through that link that Ashleah gave you to find out about possible options for you?

Condoms being on before sexual activity means before any sexual activity in which a condom is actually needed, not any way of being sexual, including those that present no STI or pregnancy risks. Btw, I'm not seeing you list using extra lubricant with your condom use, which is part of proper use and may have been the why of your experience with the condom breaking, as a lack of needed lubricant is a big cause of that. But it also sounds like you could stand to go through our information on how to use condoms here on the site to learn for yourself, rather than only having your boyfriend know how to use them and be in charge of use.

[Elsiesmama]

Thank you for clarifying my question! I had a feeling that was the case, but I thought I'd ask anyways! I did go through birth control bingo and I'm at a place where I'm not sure what I want to do. Me and my boyfriend don't have piv sex, this was my first time doing direct contact without clothes, which is why we used the condom. We usually only do dry humping and manual sex. That doesn't require birth control, I've learn that the long and hard way!! So I don't think I really need it. I would like to have some type of birth control for extra protection. He has a box of condoms he bought as a joke and we don't really need them. We did the direct touching as a special thing since it was his birthday when we got sexual, but after we both talked and we really didn't enjoy it. It made us feel like so close to actual piv sex and our goal is to save that for our wedding night. But anyways I went through the bingo and I haven't found one. I don't want to be on hormones, or have to continuously buy products. That's why I was really into fam. I'm like really obsessed with checking and updating all my cycle tracker apps. And obviously withdrawal which is pretty easy since we don't have piv sex. I'd like your opinion, should I just suck it up and get something?

I also have a question I asked in my previous post, it wasn't answered, and I understand you guys don't like to talk about pregnancy risks. So my question is on the article with risks and actions. For direct rubbing, it said moderate risk, is that just the assessment of the risk itself, without taking into account like fertility window, etc?

Hopefully that is something you can answer, thanks!

[Heather]

If a cycle tracker app isn't insisting you have had very regular cycles for at least a few months AND isn't asking for daily cervical mucus or basal temps, it can't be accurate to use as contraception.

But it sounds to me like you aren't having and don't yet want to have the kinds of sex that present pregnancy risks. Only if and when you do, and you want to prevent pregnancy, will you need contraception.

However, if you are rubbing your genitals together without any clothing, then that IS a kind of sex that presents pregnancy risks. So, for that kind of sex, contraception is needed for people who wish to prevent pregnancy.

[Elsiesmama]

yeah I just don't think like anything more than manual sex and dry humping is going to work for us. We both come from a spiritual background (I don't like saying religious) and it's been a long road for us to accept our sexuality and decide how we were going to express ourselves. Thank you for the input, I think I will revisit birth control for when we are in real need for it. Yes thank you for that clarification.

Sometimes I feel like I write here on the boards and then I kind of figure out what I want! Thank you for listening to me!!

[Heather]

That's actually our hope for users, that talking and posting here can do exactly that for you, so hooray!