stressed and worried

[nadianana7]

im just going to cut to the chase, but im having a definite pregnancy scare, whether or not it's rational or not i dont know.
3/4ish weeks ago i was with my boyfriend, and although we've both decided to save penis/vagina penetration for marriage, we still mess around and do different forms of manual sex/ dry sex. in like the beginning of december, around the 3rd or 4th i believe, we were at his house and he put me on his lap and fingered me, which i know doesn't lead to pregnancy, BUT after that he started grinding on me. i was wearing a skirt, and underwear (which i wore the the entire time i was with him), and he was just in briefs, which he ended up taking off. i could tell he had an erection, but after like 10 minutes or so of grinding i could feel my underwear wet, but what i dont know is if it because he was ejaculated and then it transferred onto my underwear. would that be a pregnancy risk? he wasn't wearing anything, and i was wearing underwear but does that even count as a layer? it was the 'boyshort' type.
im starting to get really worried because, although after that incident happened i did get what i believe to be my period (it was one day of brown discharge, which kind of scared me since ive never had it, and then 2 days of heavy bleeding and the rest was normal and lighter,) a couple of days after i finished my period (around the 22nd) i started to get head aches, and i began to break out really bad, my lower abdomen began to hurt and i look bloated all the time. not to mention my chest/breast/nipple area became extremely sore, and felt tingly and strange /after/ my period. all of these are symptoms of pregnancy, and now i can't get that thought out of my head i can't even sleep.
was the bleeding i experienced my period? do i have a pregnancy risk? i have been nonstop thinking about this, and i have no one to talk to about this not even my boyfriend since he's on vacation and my parents dont even know im "Sexually" active. i can't stop thinking about a possible pregnancy, and it seems to be everywhere i look, please help im so worried.

[Heather]

Before anything else, why don't you walk yourself through this tool designed to help people through pregnancy scares, including what next steps you can take as well as some things to avoid that only increase stress or anxiety: The Pregnancy Panic Companion.

It also sounds like you might do well with a general healthcare visit to look into those headaches and abdominal pain. Those things could actually be due to how you have been feeling mentally -- anxiety and stress often result in headaches and gastrointestinal distress -- so be sure to mention when you do see your healthcare provider that you have also been experiencing anxiety and stress.

[nadianana7]

thank you, that really did help.
from that link, what i got was since i've had a period i have no risk of pregnancy? based on what i've been feeling like in my body i can't help but think i am, although the link you sent me basically states otherwise since i had underwear on, and that counts as a garment of clothing. the truth is, although i've had a sexed class it wasn't too detailed it basically just consisted of the teacher saying don't have sex until you're married. also, i come from a somewhat religious family so whenever i've done anything "Sexual" like this, it instantly brings up thoughts of that i should be punished for my actions, and stuff like that based on what i've been taught. (not that i think pregnancy is a punishment, not at all it's something beautiful but im definietly not ready for it at all). so it's like i dont know how to feel, especially since i am seeing pregnant people everywhere now and ads and commericals it's stressful and i do admit my thoughts get somewhat irraitional, and i have trouble controlling them but i dont know how to approach my parents about this, or my general anxiety at all. i've also heard that sometimes it's the anxiety and stress of a situation (whether false or true) that can cause all of the symptoms i've mentioned? i feel so lost on this, but thank you for taking the time to respond.

[nadianana7]

- ps. my mother even noticed i've been looking/acting depressed and like i have something to hide...
honestly that triggered my anxiety and i panicked thinking somehow that because of that remark from her i'm suddenly pregnant. i'll admit, typing it out now it sounds so silly, but in my head it all makes so much sense.

[Heather]

Do you have access to general healthcare for that checkup I suggested?

[nadianana7]

yes! sorry, forgot to reply! yes i do and i am making an appointment soon!

[Heather]

Great! So, all you can really do in the meantime is do what you can to manage the anxiety you're having until you can talk to your doctor about it and have them look into the symptoms you have been having.

Do you have some basic kinds of self-care you find help you to calm down and get through stress or anxiety?

[nadianana7]

But Was there any risk in pregnancy to begin with??
That's what I'm going over agin and again in my head, I haven't gotten a straight answer and since yahoo is a no-go zone, I thought I could get one here. Well, the anxiety I've been having has never gotten this bad I guess or I've never gone over something in my head so much. So I don't have any methods, and honestly there will be times like hours or even days, where I'll be totally fine! No worries, nothing! But then I'll see a pregnant woman or something and immediately think "oh that's the universe's sign of telling me i DID get pregnant." Also, should I mention to my doctor I had a pregnancy scare? Or

[Heather]

That link I gave you includes, on its first page, a concise and clear list of what does and doesn't present pregnancy risks. I didn't include that in my answer here because I shared that link that included that answer for you.

If you feel comfortable mentioning that to your doctor, I'd say so, especially if you want to give them the opportunity to evaluate your anxiety and see if they think it's something you need treatment for (as if it is, you're going to feel a lot better about all of this if the biggest player here -- the anxiety and fear -- is treated). But if you don't want to be that specific, you can just tell them that you're struggling with a lot of fear and anxiety. And were they to think any of your symptoms could be related to a pregnancy, they'd probably just test you, whether you brought it up or not, because that's one of the most basic intake tests given to anyone in healthcare.

[nadianana7]

okay, so based on the article and the numerous links and pages you guys have on the subject, i take it there was no risk to begin with, meaning no pregnancy?
i think it's all of these symptoms that i'm experiencing that are psyching me out and, after a while i will calm down and accept the research you and your team provide me with as truth, but then in an hour or two my stomach will churn and i'll think oh there it is, that's implantation! i get stressed really easily, and i know that's something i have to discuss much more in depth with my doctor. also question, is a female able to feel when a male ejaculates, or more specifically would i have been able to feel it in the situation i described above?

[Sam W]

Hi nadianana,

If you're finding that you're having a lot of anxiety around this, or that you get anxious easily, it may also be time to check in with a mental health provider. When we have a hard time shaking fears, even fears we know to be unfounded, that's sometimes a sign that something deeper is going on, and a counselor is someone who could help you address it.

[nadianana7]

i definitely plan on getting the help i need. especially with this, coming on here and re-reading you guys' posts is the only way i can feel better about my situation. i read somewhere that anxiety can make one hypervigilant especially towards ones own body, so every little ache and sensation is like a new symptom of pregnancy to me. my health care provider doesn't seem to take my anxiety seriously, she gave me sleeping pills even though i told her those weren't working well on me.
my mom isn't taking my anxiety seriously either, it used to get triggered by a lot of things very easily before but i always made sure to keep it as below the radar as i could while around family members, so now my mother thinks i'm exaggerating or making a mountain out of a mole hill.
also, one last question, could you guys help explain to me why i am not pregnant or like the science behind it? it would really make me feel a lot better, i always do after hearing the 'why' of something.

[nadianana7]

- sorry to add on but i accidentally hit submit -
does this mean that the "pregnancy" symptoms, (constipation, headache, bloating, frequent discharge) i'm experiencing are basically just me making a bigger deal out of this than it is? also, i totally know that i am not ready to advance on anything sexual with my boyfriend, i just dont feel comfortable and like it wouldnt be fair to me or to him if i wasnt enjoying the time we spent together, i guess im just scared on how to approach that topic with him.

[Eddie C]

Hell there, nadianana.

The thing about anxiety is that it keeps you in the same unhealthy and vicious circle, so going through the same things over and over again is not going to help.

I'm sorry that you are not feeling very supported neither at home or with your therapist. Is this therapist someone new or have you been seeing before? Have they given you any techniques to calm yourself when you are feeling anxious?

have you tried some self-care to keep your mind focus in other things? You can find great pointer in the next link: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse ... a_la_carte

[nadianana7]

i guess i just keep thinking that im going to be the ONLY exception, and im creating scenarios in my head that dont exist. im a student in college and i have very big aspirations, being an only child also basically means my parents and family have a lot of hope set in me and to think that by one action that i couldve derailed my plans and disappointed my parents stresses me out so much.

i've never been referred to a therapist, only recently and i am starting with a new one soon maybe this week or next, and so far the only technique theyve given me was to take a pill that my PCP prescribed me, which i understand does help anxiety but not the type im currently dealing with which is intense and very hard to get over.

[Sam W]

Hi Nadianana,

Okay, so it sounds like something to ask about at your next appointment is some ways to self-soothe when you feel locked in the anxiety loop. Would you also feel comfortable explaining to the therapist what you explained to us here about why you're feeling anxious about this?

[nadianana7]

my appointment is tomorrow! im not too sure, i've never spoken with a therapist so i dont know what to expect or how to approach this situation. but im guessing i should mention the root of my stress, so they'll know what to do and how to tackle some techniques i can start using.

[Heather]

It can he helpful to just write down some of your questions for them -- like about how they work with a patient, or what they will generally expect from you -- and the issues you want their help with. Why don't you do that today, so that you have it to work with tomorrow?

[nadianana7]

I did write some questions down, thanks a million for the advice!
Sorry for so many questions, but I have one last one. Is what I'm feeling like the worrying/ fear about being pregnant valid or actually anxiety?

[Ashleah]

Hi Nadianana,

What I can say is that the way the fear is making you feel is very real!

I think this is something you can add to the list to discuss with your therapist today. As everyone here has already said, they are going to be the best person to help you evaluate your anxiety and figure out the best plan for managing it.