Sex ed question

[Littlemissms]

I saw in your articles, there should be these two in order to make a pregnancy:
1. Direct contact between genitals
2. Direct contact with ejaculate (semen) and the vulva, vaginal opening or anus.

I have a confusion with number 2. Is this included direct contact with a 'new' semen directly from penis or can be an old one (not directly from penis)?

Can i make a conclusion that pregnancy happen when man and woman have sex and naked intentionally? So there is no pregnancy without intention right (like semen spilled from toilet or anything like that?

Please answer all of my questions and thank you for explaining i just wanna be clear

[Sam W]

Hi Littlemissms,

Yes, direct means no stops along the way. That's why things like manual sex do not pose a risk (I would not go so far as to say pregnancy only happens intentionally, as some people lack the information about what poses a risk and end up engaging in things that can get them pregnant).

[Littlemissms]

Okay i thought 'direct' for number 2 is contact when vulva is naked (which can be misleading if there is a contact with semen on the toilet seat that touch vulva when peeing). So if there's any semen that is not freshly and newly ejaculated from penis, there's no risk in pregnancy if it accidentally touch the vulva/vagina?

[Sam W]

Correct When we say direct, we mean a penis and a vulva/vagina touching without any barriers between them (no clothes, no condoms, etc).

[Littlemissms]

Okay i sometimes afraid when using the same toilet bowl with my father if he left his sperm there and accidentally touch my vulva. Will that kind of contact be considered as 'direct'? As when i use toilet bowl, my vulva is naked.

[Sam W]

No, that is not considered direct. I think these two articles will be really helpful in understanding why something like that does not pose a risk:
Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells?
Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

[Littlemissms]

I just read that! So now i understand by direct means contact without any barrier and ejaculation at that time also right from penis, right?

That was what i mean by asking you if pregnancy can happen by intention or can happen without intention. Because sperm that is left on toilet seat means that its not intentionally there. And that can not happen right?

Thank you for answerinf Sam!

[Sam W]

Yep, that's what direct means when you see it used here

[Littlemissms]

Okay! Thanks for answering Sam. I have a suggestion for you because all of my friends are also confused with the term 'direct' which can sometimes be misleading for people. Maybe you can say pregnancy can happen when there's either genital-to-genital rubbing or/and penetration with ejaculation inside vagina or on vulva. I think it will be clearer

[Heather]

Alas, there are some problematic bits with some of that language, too, but we appreciate suggestions! Ultimately, I think that when people are just looking for shorthand with a lot of this, no language is going to really do the trick, because human reproduction is a complex process, so shorthand is ultimately going to fail no matter what. Same goes for trying to talk people down when they're in a panic, whether that's about sex or anything else.

But, when people focus on what activities they are part of -- and not when they're already freaking out, but in advance of their sexual choices or any activity -- and just pay attention to what activities do and don't pose risks, then protect themselves with the ones that do pose risks, this all tends to go a lot better.

[Littlemissms]

Yea!! Because i saw many people asking you about term 'direct' that makes me confuse too somehow when i first read it. And i have this discussion with my friends too and they also have different opinion so i go to this message board to make everything clear for me and for my friends :p

I'll let my friends know that direct means no barrier and right from penis

Thanks Heather and all the staff here! I think you are very cool and i adore you so much!!! You're just like my inspiration for helping people to know everything better.

[Heather]

What a lovely thing to say and hear as I start my day! Thanks for that!

[Heather]

Hope you don't mind if I bug you again, since you asked about language switches: I think part of this may be about your (and your friends) young age, and how all of this is going to be a lot more abstract when sex is brand-new or no one has even been sexual with anyone else yet when people are naked and such.

So, if you don't mind, I wonder how you might feel about explanations for younger people that talked about what is or isn't touching, and if that might seem more clear? For instance, if we talked about how if genitals are touching each other -- be that with rubbing, or with some kind of intercourse -- without anything in between, how might that feel to you? We wouldn't talk about just fluids that way, because that wouldn't work, but it might when we're talking about contact, and may feel less obtuse than "direct?"

[Littlemissms]

Wait wait i dont really understand what are you asking me i just feel that some of the wording in your articles might be confusing for me. Maybe it is because i have never experienced those of things before. So im trying to be familiar with what youre talking about as its my early time learning about sex education. I think i would be better if you can explain those things with simpler wording that target younger teens maybe? Sorry if its not a good opinion :p somehow when me and my friend see direct term for instance, we assumed it is just contact between fluid (fluid that we can find from toilet seat, bedsheet etc) and a bare vagina. We forgot to take into account that fluid should be from the source which is a fresh and new one

Is that what are you asking?

[Heather]

Pretty much, yep, and really, I'm just asking for your own opinion since you offered it up. No pressure!

So, for instance, if instead of this wording, which is part of most of our content about pregnancy risks, and the most basic way we lay this out for people:

In order for pregnancy to be a possibility, the kind of contact that has to happen is:

Direct (with no clothing, at all, covering anyone's genitals) genital-to-genital contact between someone with a penis and someone with a vulva, such as genital intercourse or otherwise rubbing genitals together OR
Direct contact with ejaculate (semen) and the vulva, vaginal opening or anus.

It was more something like this:

In order for pregnancy to be a possibility:

A penis needs to be touching the genitals of someone with a vulva, like through genital intercourse or otherwise rubbing genitals together OR
Someone with a penis needs to ejaculate on or inside of the vulva, vaginal opening or anus.

How does that kind of change feel/seem to you as a younger person who found that first way of talking about this confusing?

The second bit gets a little tricky when people want things addressed like the idea semen is left on toilet seats (which would be pretty weird and unusual, period) because they are thinking about human reproduction as something that happens like catching a virus, rather than as something where sperm cells are only one piece of a much bigger picture. We can't talk about ejaculate and sperm in that way, because that's just not how this works, so we just gotta go with the best we can do if people aren't going to also read or otherwise learn how pregnancy actually happens so they can get that it isn't about mere contact with sperm cells or fluids just left sitting around somewhere.

[Littlemissms]

The second statement is more make sense for me as it has the detail that penis has to touch and ejaculate than the first statement. Now i understand that we have to see semen in bigger picture not assuming it as a tiny creature which can travel everywhere :p really your second explanation clears everything

From your website actually i learn new thing that rubbing can cause pregnancy because my mom said that pregnancy can only happen if there's penetration. Yay! So now i can show your last message to my friends so that they can know whats the truth too!

[Heather]

Duly noted! Thanks for the suggestions: how we refine all of what we do has more to do with what users like you tell us about what works for you and doesn't than anything else, so I appreciate the pitching in!

Just an FYI, because it sounds like you like geeking out on these kinds of things, we actually try not to use the term "penetration" here, because it suggests the penis just goes into the vagina or anus, and those orifices just sit there like socks or some other kind of passive receptacle. But in reality, those orifices are just as active as a penis -- or fingers, of that's the body part we're talking about doing the entering -- is! They pull in when people are aroused, and clamp around with all of their many muscles! So words like "penetration" tend to misrepresent what's actually going on when any kind of bodily entry is actually wanted by the people with the body parts something is going inside of!

[Littlemissms]

That really makes sense! So in other words, pregnancy will happen when 2 people have that intention to have sex and very certain circumtances right? Not by accidental event when sperm get inside vagina through toilet seat, towels, etc (ha ha ha i know it wont)

[Heather]

Well, sexual abuse or assault can also result in pregnancy, not just sex that everyone involves wants: what I told you about that term wasn't really about pregnancy.

But no, again, sperm cells aren't like viruses or other kinds of pathogens, and becoming pregnant doesn't work the same way as catching a virus does. Here's how it does work and all it involves: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

[Littlemissms]

Heather i have one question
I just read almost all your articles and i feel that sti/std is having more risk than pregnancy. So, now i am close with a guy and if im planning to be together with him in a relationship, should i ask him to check himself about sti/std before we're getting closer too far? Or should i ask him if he has ever done any sexual intercourse or something like that? He only has one ex and that girl also only has a boyfriend once which is this guy. So what i mean is that they only had a partner once and it was their first (so i think there is low risk if that guy is having any disease because its their first). :p

[Heather]

That's astute of you! Often STIs ARE a more likely risk, especially for people in their teens and early 20s, who have the highest rates of STIs of people of all ages, mostly because of a lack of using safer sex practices.

What we do to protect ourselves from STIs is to use practice safer sex with sexual activities that present those risks. Asking someone what their sexual history has been doesn't actually give us any protection or prevent infections: safer sex practices do. Someone having only been with someone else who, purportedly, was their first partner doesn't tell you anything about what your risks with this person may have been. Only their STI status from recent testing, if they have had that testing and you could see their result, could tell you that. Testing is important for people to do, but testing doesn't prevent infections: using barriers with activities that present possible risks are what does that.

Here's two great starting places for learning about how to practice safer sex:
• All the Barriers! All the Time!
• Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

(Btw, there are literally thousands of webpages of articles here, so chances are very good no one has read them all! I have, but that's only because I've written or edited the vast majority of them and been working here the whole almost-two-decades we've been around. That's a lot of material, so we'd never expect anyone to have read it all!)

[Redskies]

Littlemissms, please read and respect this: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=450