Safe Sex Advice

[daisygirl10]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months now and we are ready to have sex. This has been something we have both discussed together and are ready for. Now my question is what is the safest and most effective way to engage in intercourse without being overly paranoid about pregnancy and STD's(besides contraceptive such as birth control, IUD, etc)? Thank you guys so much!!

[Eddie C]

Hello, Daisygirl! Welcome to the boards!

So, I'm taking you want to know how to feel safe besides just birth control, right? If so, I think the answer to your question is going to depend absolutely on the people involved. There's no way to point just one safe and effective way because people are different and people need different things, don't you think? So what about asking to yourself what do YOU need to not be overly worried about pregnancy and STI's?

If you think you are okay using just one birth control method, then that's your choice. If you think you need more back up and are better using two or even three? Well, that's what you need to do. Maybe going together -- you and your boyfriend -- to get tested and sharing the results is something that would help? Then, there you go.

Ultimately, this is something that is going to be very different for everyone because, again, people is different and need different things to feel okay, safe and happy.

I'm glad to hear this is something you have talked with your partner. Definitely talking is one of the best ways to get to that place of comfort you are talking about.

I'm going to leave a couple of links for you that might be helpful. Hope you like them.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... _checklist

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... _stocklist

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... _a_partner

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/etc/h ... aith_in_bc

[daisygirl10]

All of those articles were EXTREMELY helpful so thank you for linking them! My boyfriend and I intend to use a condom, however, do you think it would be better to pull put before ejaculation. I am aware that condoms are designed to withstand ejaculation, but I am wondering if pulling out with the condom increases the "effectiveness". Also, if a rip were to occur in the condom, would it be noticeable?

[Eddie C]

Glad to hear the links were helpful to you. Again, this is about what works better for YOU, right? So, if using a condom plus withdrawal (pulling out) makes you and your partner feel better, then… you got your answer! In terms of effectiveness, yes, pulling out when using a condom gives you more protection. You can learn a lot about backing up your birth control methods in the next link:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexua ... ol_with_a_

And yes, if and when a condom fails, is going to be absolutely noticeable. Think about a balloon when it pops. There's no way for that to go unnoticed.

[daisygirl10]

Ok, then I think a condom with the pull out method will work best for my boyfriend and I. Also, thank you for being incredibly helpful. My only geniune concern with using a condom would be it slipping off or breaking, and because those things would be noticeably I feel much more prepared. Finally, how often do condoms break or slip off?
Other than that, I feel very educated and prepared! Thank you so much!

[Sam W]

Hi Daisygirl,

The likelihood of condoms breaking or coming off is one of those things where the odds of it are super dependent on how well the condom is used. For instance, sizing the condom right will help keep it from break or coming off, and making sure there is lots of lubrication will also help prevent breakage. All the Barriers! All the Time! has a great rundown of how to correctly use a condom to help minimize the chances of it breaking.

[daisygirl10]

Ok, I am feeling much more confident and comfortable with the use of condoms now. And unless I notice a break or it slips off, I should not be stressed about pregnancy? What qualifies a condom as "slipping off", like does it fall all the way off? Sorry for all the redundant questions!!

[Eddie C]

A condom slipping off would be a condom that totally falls off the penis letting the ejaculate get out of the condom. The good news is, this is something easy to avoid if the person wearing the condom holds the base when they withdraw.

Here you can have more info about condoms and their correct use:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexua ... ers_manual

[daisygirl10]

Thank you so much! All of this has been extremely helpful and I feel prepared for this step in our relationship! This website really is a great resource for so many individuals!!

[Eddie C]

You are very welcome! And thanks for the kind words. If you need something else, you know where to find us!

[daisygirl10]

Ok, so my boyfriend and I engaged in intercourse, and we used a condom AND he withdrew before he ejaculated. I did not hear or see any tears or breaks and the condom never came off. Would you say we have a low risk of pregnancy? I am very excited about this step in our relationship and both him and I are pleased about this activity and our relationship.

[Onionpie]

Hi daisygirl. We have a great article about paired-up birth control methods here, which will tell you the effectiveness of your condoms + withdrawal method: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method

Hope that helps!

[daisygirl10]

What I have learned from reading those articles are that the likelihood of becoming pregnancy is highly unlikely. Am I correct in assuming that?

[Onionpie]

Yep! Since you used two birth control methods, and the condom did not fail, you can rely on them being highly effective

[daisygirl10]

Thank you guys so much!