Scarleteen

Hi all,
I am currently looking at colleges (although I have a while before I have to decide, thankfully) and I have come across a bit of a dilemma. I am AFAB, kind of walking the line between MOC lesbian and NB transguy; I generally think of myself as non-binary/genderqueer or a transmasculine lesbian, although I may be gender fluid. At any rate, I am looking at colleges, and I think that I may want to go to a certain women's college because it has a lot to offer and might be a good fit for me in many ways. However, I am not sure if this is a good idea given my gendery-wendery situation. I identify at least partly as female, and the college accepts AFAB non-binary individuals. The problem is that I am apprehensive that I may be seen as or may actually be co-opting a woman's space by not being 100% comfortable with that identity. I am also concerned that going to such an institution might limit my opportunities to explore my gender. On the other hand, I do strongly (if only partially or part of the time) identify in a female way, and the community of a women's college does appeal to me (besides all that, it is an excellent institution).
Any thoughts? Comments? Scathing criticisms? Witty retorts?

I have a partner who works at a women's college and we actually talked about this issue last week! What they told me is that their school is explicitly welcoming of trans folks, including trans men - there are plenty of trans men who wouldn't be comfortable there, but their official stance is "if you're comfortable here we're happy to have you." And my partner does know quite a few nb/gq students who seem really happy there and aren't being looked at as intruding in the space. This is really up to what you feel comfortable with, but if an institution's official policy reads like something you feel included in now, then I think it's ok to trust that at face value. Some folks wouldn't feel comfortable, in your situation, going to a women's college, but I know plenty of people who would! And honestly I think that as long as the policy allows for it then it's ok to do what feels right to you.

The official policy of the college in question is here: https://www.mtholyoke.edu/policies/admi ... r-students I realize the official policy isn't necessarily going to be the only deciding factor, but the tone of it is pretty inclusive, I think, and that might be helpful to read as an example of what it looks like when a college really *is* wanting to include a wide range of student gender identities/expressions.

Hey there,

just an idea: is there any chance you could visit the college in question for a day or so and have a look around? Just get a feel for the place and the people and see if it seems like a good fit?

As for occupying a woman's space, I don't think that should be much of a concern. If the college accepts you based on their policy, then you have as much of a right to be there as anybody else. I can't really imagine it would be an issue for the other women there, either. I am a woman who seeks out / feels a need for "girls only" spaces regularly, and I would not feel differently about such a space if someone there was non-binary/genderqueer or trans.

I think that I will probably be able to visit the college. I know some students/former students that I can talk to as well, to hear their opinion. I don't think I would intrude on the space, personally, as I don't think I am male identified and I am in many ways female identified, but I don't want to presume. It is good to know that some people at least wouldn't mind. I'll see how further investigation goes!

With regards to your concern about 'co-opting a woman's space'; believing that you know what other people think about a given thing is never a good place to start. Your experience may be one that brings valuable insight to that educational institution. It is fair to wonder, but don't let that psych you out of pursuing the school of your choice.

I think you'd be surprised at how many people feel the same way as you about their gender at a women's college. You should definitely follow through with visiting the school and talking to a tour guide or somebody else about your concerns. Typically the people giving tours are students at the school so they'd have some actual insight into the environment of the school and whether or not they think you'd feel welcome being NB.