Scarleteen

so I'm a 15 year old girl and my mom has been pressuring me to eat less work out more and usually I'm really confident with my body but lately stress has really taken a toll on me and it's hard to keep up with my hard persona and now every time I feel hungry I feel guilty for it and like I'm eating too much because it's always been only teenage boys can have a feast every meal and the girls have to stick to eating grapes you know? it's starting to catch up to me and it might be that I'm finally growing out of my 5"3' ! but it's hard trying to stay positive when I crave so much food and feel fat when I eat. is this normal?

Hi skoopky,

I'm sorry your mom has been putting that pressure on you, although she's likely mirroring pressures she was put under when she was your age. Because, as you've correctly identified, there is a huge double standard where teenage boys are allowed to eat a ton because they're "growing boys" but girls are supposed to start dieting. It's total nonsense, but that doesn't mean it can't wear down your self-confidence after awhile. I suppose the question is: what would you like to do? Because my honest answer is if your body is going "I'm hungry" then it's hungry. And feeding it is not some kind of sign of weakness or gluttony (because being alive takes energy). But there's also something to be said for building healthy habits for yourself. Not ones that keep you at a certain size or weight, but ones that help you feel at home in your body. We've got some information on how to that as well, if you'd like it.

Would you also like to brainstorm ways to talk with your mom and see if you can get her to stop pressuring you?

id love some more information and help with my mom!

It is actually quite dangerous for long-term health for most young people to diet. That is something that should only happen when recommended by a healthcare provider because of real concerns weight - if and when someone is very overweight - will create health problems, and then supervised by that healthcare provider carefully, with a lot of attention paid to sound nutrition.

How open do you feel your mother might be to books or articles about the dangers and impacts of dieting on someone young and healthy? How open might you be to bringing this to your doctor and asking them to talk about this with her, presuming you have a doctor who is well-educated about this and current with their education? (One of the reasons I ask that is because of the concerns I had about your doctor prescribing you the pill they have, and putting you on it at such a young age years back.)

I'm not on any diet pills at the moment because my mom being a part of the health community I think knows that it's not good, but she still pressures to excersise more even tho I'm moderately fit and a weight range that's fine and I'm sure my mom would be open to articles/books

Hi skoopky,

I'm not sure what books Heather had in mind, but there is a site called "The Body is Not and Apology " that writes a lot about expectations around weight and appearance. They even have a section called " rad parents" that specifically addresses parenting and body image (I don't know your mom's politics, and some stuff on the site might put her off if she's of a more conservative bent).

Something else she could read is this piece that we wrote for adults (specifically parents and guardians) about young people and body image: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/sam_w/20 ... body_image