Scarleteen

Im not ok. My head is so fuzzy. I feel floaty. Haven't been here since church. Triggered me my pastor. I can't remember what he talked about. Just scratching my leg trying not to slip into a flashback. I dont want to be alone. I feel unsafe. So scared. Monsters want to come back. I feel small. Im not ok. Its not right. I feel bad. No one is home right now. I dont know how to ground myself.

Hi Dandelion,

I hate to hear that you are feeling like this. No person should feel unsafe in anyway. You do not deserve to feel this way.

Can I check in and make sure you aren't currently at risk for any physical harm. Your safety is of utmost importance to us and most certainly a priority!

Do you think that being able to talk to someone right now would be helpful? Last week Mo gave you info to a local resource, The Center, which has a 24 hour hotline. Do you have access to a phone where you can give them a call?

My mom isback. I locked my door. I feel safer that way I can't make calls with her home. I should've before. When alone. I'm stupid. Sorry. I dont feel like myself.

Im struggling so much tonight. I feel more here but more in pain. I just woke up from a nightmare and its like I can't breathe. I dont understand why this is so hard. I just want to recover and be okay. But its like the world is against me. I'm tired of everything. I'm so absolutely tired. Tired of writing posts here and wasting everyone's time. I have exhausted myself begging for therapy. I am so sick of spending my nights curled up in a corner because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I just want to be ok. And I'm tired of waiting.

You are not wasting anyone's time here. You are always, always welcome to come here when you need to vent.
You haven't heard from me before but I'm very sorry to hear you are feeling so low and afraid! If I could I'd give you a big hug (if you wanted one) and a big mug of tea and let you talk all you wanted: a lot, a little or not at all.

Dandelion, Snorkmaiden is absolutely right. And honestly, it's understandable that you're feeling tired and frustrated. You have a lot to heal from, and your family in particular (from what you've told us) is not helping you in that process. You get to have moments of feeling tired, but please know that those feelings don't mean you're wasting anyone's time, or that you're not making progress otherwise.

If you have the opportunity today, it sounds like a good plan would be to call the resource Ashleah gave you, to give you someone to talk through these feelings with who is trained to support you around them (sometimes simply being able to process all your feelings in real time on the phone can be really helpful in feeling better).

Thank you. I appreciate the support. It's hard not to believe I waste people's time. I dont think I'm helpable.