My judgemental gynecologist

[linsey17]

Hi,
I posted here recently but my visit to the gynecologist was probably the worst, most mortifying experience. It was my first time going and I wanted to get a general check up and inquire about birth control.
She's an older woman and as soon as we met she had an attitude. I was polite and answered all of her questions and then she asked if I was sexually active. I said "Not yet but I wanted to discuss with you my birth control options before I become sexually active". She didn't respond and just said "do you want to get on the pill?" And I replied yes. Later, during the examination while the nurse was present, she said "are you sure you want to have a baby at 16? You're not even financially stable and I think you should not become sexually active." At that point I was already embarrassed enough with the examination, but I felt so judged. I thought I was making the right decision by coming in beforehand and getting on BC. I also am well informed on the risks and felt she has no right to say that. She then proceeded to say " A mans penis is way bigger then a finger and will tear you apart". I'm not sure if she was trying to scare me but she was also pretty rough during the examination considering im a virgin.
Anyways, my mom was furious because I almost cried when walking out of there because of her tone and overall attitude. I guess I want advice on how to handle finding a better gynecologist? Thanks for reading my rant!

[Sam W]

Hi Linsey,

Yikes! That was completely inappropriate behavior on her part, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

For finding a different gynecologist, I can think of a few possible ways to go about it. One is word of mouth. Do you have friends who have one who they really like? Or, have any of your friends also gone on birth control, did they have a healthcare provider who was supportive in the process?

Another option is to go somewhere like Planned Parenthood or another clinic that specializes in sexual health. There's no guarantee that the doctor you get will be better, but the odds are more in favor that the person you get will not be judgmental. You may also be able to ask your primary care provider (aka the doctor you see for regular check-ups) if they are able to prescribe it for you.

[Heather]

I would also suggest you report this to your state medical licensing board. This was terrible care, and totally outside medical ethics. You and your mother would probably feel good about at least being able to hold them responsible in that way, and it might also spare other patients this hideous behavior.

If you want help figuring out how to do that, I just need to know what state you're in, and would be happy to look your board's reporting contact information up for you.

For the record, this is NOT at all likely to happen with other sexual healthcare providers, so the chances of a different provider being this bad are very small.

[linsey17]

Thank you guys for your responses,
I dont wanna be overly dramatic but it was pretty traumatic. I'm really scared to go to another gyno, even though they most likely will not be like her.
I live in Florida, and my mom has contacted the doctor herself and the practice. We checked her reviews and they all had similar experiences to mine. Id love to get more info on who else we can contact. Thank you so much again

[Karyn]

You're not being overly dramatic, not at all: you got terrible care and it's understandable that you feel the way you do. For what it's worth, though, it is not likely to happen again; the majority of sexual/reproductive health care providers are NOT like this one, not at all, and it's totally possible to find one who is caring and helpful.

Per reporting, it looks like the form for filing a complaint is here: http://www.floridahealth.gov/licensing- ... index.html

There's also contact information for the Florida Board of Medicine, and more information about the process of filing a complaint, on this page: http://flboardofmedicine.gov/help-center/#contact

[Heather]

I'm so happy you have such a supportive mother who gets pissed on your behalf when you're mistreated and does something about it. That's what parents are supposed to be like and do, but so many don't. Yay for your Mom!

Also, if and when you do see another OB/GYN, you can tell them that your previous experience with one was terrible and traumatic for you, and involved the doctor talking and acting inappropriately. You can let them know you feel very scared about that, and have a chat with them first to find out how THEY do things -- or even tell them what happened to you and see how they react: a gasp of horror would be a very good sign this new one is going to be a good one, for instance -- and also ask them for anything you feel might help. Sometimes anxious patients -- with any kind of care, whatever the reason -- are even prescribed an anti-anxiety medication to help them be more comfortable during exams or treatments. A good doctor will also take the time to do something like this with you, because they'll understand that medical trauma is very for-real and to be taken seriously.