I feel excited, but like I'm drowning at the same time

[thinkmcflythink]

Scarleteen pals!

So, this really has absolutely nothing to do with anything related to sexuality, but I felt the need to talk about the way that I've been feeling lately. I'm a junior at a public state college in the United States, I won't say which one, and I love everything. I love my chosen major of journalism with a concentration in multimedia and think that I found my true passion. Sounds all well and good, right? Not exactly.

I'm in the required reporting class that I have to take for my degree. For the class, you're basically a reporter for our student run newspaper (who I've worked for in the past and also have a paid position with). I really like it, but it's huge work load and you're required to turn in a certain number of stories (basically one weekly story and we do three other bigger ones) so 13 all together, which is crazy. So if you don't turn in something every week, you fall behind. I don't have an issue cranking them out that fast, at all. I'm doing really well actually. I just feel like the pressure to produce is kind of taking over my life.

The pressure to produce is starting to impact my ability to decide what type of stories I'm good at and what I should be focusing on. I met with one of my old professors, who's a super awesome journalist in his own right and talked to him about it. He asked me what types of stories I wanted to do and I didn't even have an answer for him. Most people go with whatever they are better at writing wise, but I'm good at both feature (lighter, long form stuff, like a profile of a person) and hard news stuff with statistics too.

I used to kind of know what type of publication or place I wanted to work for, but now I don't have any idea. I've kind of lost myself in other ways too, among the pressure of being in an accredited and highly respected journalism school and just like the pressure of classes. I have maybe ONE day where I'm actually not doing anything school related. I'm burnt out, stressed, I don't sleep anymore. I love this but I feel like I'm sacrificing myself to get ahead, get my money's worth and not fail. What should I do?

[Redskies]

Hi! Sorry to hear you're feeling like this.

I have a few thoughts from what you've said already, but there's a couple of things I'd like to ask to help both you and us get clarity on the situation and best possible ways forward. You said

I feel like I'm sacrificing myself

- what are you sacrificing? In what ways are you sacrificing yourself?
and

I just feel like the pressure to produce is kind of taking over my life

- what do you want or need that you don't have at the moment?

[thinkmcflythink]

Thanks for the reply!

To answer your first question about sacrificing myself. I feel like I maybe don't take care of myself as good as I normally do because of a lack of time. I always feel so rushed now and it's starting to impact other parts of my life. I'm not as close with my friends as I used to be because I'm so busy now. Or sometimes it's like I'm so preoccupied with other things that I can't always enjoy the time I do spend with the people in my life. For example, I have a hard time going home to my parents during the school year when its not on a break because I'll have panic attacks and freak out about everything I need to do.
As far as the pressure to produce goes, that is kind of related to the previous thing. I feel the pressure to constantly crank out articles and pieces and it's kind of ruined it for me. People have started commenting that I don't go anywhere or do anything fun. That I can't "go out" and stuff anymore. My parents act like I don't do anything else except school work, which isn't entirely true.

[Heather]

Something that is within reach and might help, just as a start, is to find a couple small self-care rituals you can do for yourself every day that fit into fifteen minute segments. For instance, a quick meditation practice (extra bonus: meditation is a proven method of effective stress reduction), a skin care ritual that feels good for you, a place to walk that calms you, a long shower, a phone call to one of your friends, a mix of songs that fits into that 15 minutes for you to dance it out.

Also, what about finding pieces to write that you get fodder for by doing some of the things in your life you're missing? For instance, going to go see a band you like could be not only fun for you, but also be the basis of a piece. Trying a bunch of self-care could even be something you can report on. One of the beauties of being any kind of writer is that it doesn't have to be separate from life, but can be a part of it!

[thinkmcflythink]

Thanks for the suggestions. I had a talk with my editor and expressed that I wanted more control over the stories I work on and don't work on. So that helped. Because I am on an administration beat, I cannot actually do stories that are "fun" right now. I have in the past, so I'm hoping I can get back to more feature type stories after this semester.

I would love to discuss things about sexual health and wellness for people of my age that attend my college. Kind of like what you guys do here. We don't really have anything that does that or creates awareness about those subjects. So that's something I'm hoping I can do in the future.

[Heather]

Yay!