Fell like I was a used

[Ailbail]

I'm not wanting to out to much detail on here but last year I met up with this guy a mutual friend and up till this point he was lovely and we stopped the car to just chat and he grabbed me and kissed me this was my first kiss so and I suffer with bad anxiety problems so I started to panic and he was grabbing me and shoving me around its left me really scared he done other stuff also but to scared to post

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards.

What I am hearing you say here is that you were with someone who assaulted or abused you. I am very sorry someone has done you harm in these ways.

Is this something you'd like to talk about with us? If so, perhaps the first thing to talk about is you feeling scared. Are you still in any danger from this person?

[Ailbail]

He knows where I live and still had the photos he took but as fas as I know he's moved a couple hours away for work my anxiety was manageable before but now it's triggered panic attacks I cannot even go into a shop alone or first

[Heather]

Are you open to help from a service or organization that can provide counseling and support for abuse or assault survivors? Things like panic attacks are very common responses after abuse, and that's something services like that can help with.

[Ailbail]

I've already been to my doctor many times about my depression anxiety issues and he just brushes them off makes me feel gully and I've been for an assessment with a councillor and they refused me any treatment said all I needed was a life coach I don't want to be let down again it hurts to much

[Sam W]

Hi ailbail,

I;m so sorry that you've had those experiences before (honestly, sounds like it's time to get a new GP). When you've sought counseling, has it been with an organization that specializes in helping abuse and assault survivors? I ask because that kind of place is going to be far more likely to understand what you're going through and support you.

[Ailbail]

In my area even if I changed gp they couldn't refer me anywhere as there is only One Place and they don't think I need help. I guess it just helps talking about it for ages I was feeling so guilty and dirty that I've I'd just given him what he wanted I would have been ok

[Sam W]

Ah, I see. Are you open to seeing if we can find a center for survivors near you? Even if we can't find a physical one, there may be a helpline or similar that you'd be able to call.

It can certainly be tempting to think about moments like the one you went through and think about all the things you could have or should have done. But you did what you thought would keep you safe or get you through a scary incident, and that's nothing to feel guilty for. He was the one who made the choice to push you and be aggressive, not you.

[Heather]

Have you called or otherwise worked with this organization, Ailbail?

http://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/

If not, that's who I would start by calling to find out what may be available for you.

Obviously, we can't know for sure if sexual abuse or assault is what you're talking about here, because you haven't really told us what happened (and that's okay, you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable doing that), but that's what it is sounding like you've dealt with. If that's off-base, if you can give us information to just know what kind of help may be best for you, we can better tailor any referrals and our discussions with you here.

Additionally, I don't know how clear you have been with any healthcare providers about exactly what happened to you, but in the event you've been as vague as you have been here (again, that's okay, not a push to tell us things you don't feel ready to or don't want to), do know that it's really hard to get the help we need when we're not clear about what's happened and what it is we need. In other words, if you've experienced sexual or other abuse or assault but haven't told anyone that explicitly, it IS going to be unlikely for them to refer you to the right help and care. I understand how hard it can be to even just say this stuff out loud at first, but a) it does get easier, and b) you may have to, if you haven't already -- something even just as basic as "I was abused/assaulted" -- in order to get some of the right help and care.

[Ailbail]

I'm only posting this as nobody knows my name but I told him I wouldn't have sex with him in my car that's when he snapped and starting pushing me about and he hit and grabbed me left me covered in bruises during this he took my clothes off I couldn't stop him he was to string and he took Photos and has since sent them to his pals and threatened to put them online

[Heather]

I'm so sorry, Ailbail. By all means, this was sexual assault, physical assault as well as an additional crime, which is trying to blackmail and silence you with those photos.

So, Rape Crisis is absolutely the right place for you: they are going to understand that these things were crimes, and the impact these kinds of crimes have. They are both willing and able to provide the kind of help that you need. They can also talk to you about your legal options with this, both in terms of reporting and protection moving forward: there are things you can do, legally, to stop the harassment and threats from this person.

Are you up to giving them a call?

[Ailbail]

I don't know that i want to do anything in this day and age all he will get is a slap on the wrist and add fuel to the fire he might have forgotten about me it's been a while since he messeged me I just want to be able to forget

[Mo]

Even if you choose not to take any legal action, the folks there can offer you some support, or just listen and not be dismissive the way it sounds like your doctors have been so far. As Heather said, a rape crisis organization is going to understand how serious this is and can talk you through the various options you have. If you aren't up to calling, that website has info on how to access email support as well.

[Heather]

Sadly, forgetting isn't likely to happen. We can heal from things, but we're not going to forget them. I know that's crap news, but that's just how this goes.

What -- if anything -- you do legally is up to you (and a slap on the wrist isn't actually what's most likely with this combination of crimes: decades ago that was a given, but it's been changing since).

But what Rape Crisis has to offer that I think you've made clear you need *most* is support and counseling so that you CAN heal from this and get safe. Might you be able to just give them a call to find out what they have to offer you? I hear you voicing that you are struggling with panic and fear and want relief (understandably!) with that: counseling and support designed for survivors of abuse and assault is what is likely to do that best.

If you feel scared to make that call, and would like to talk about that, we can also do that.

[Ailbail]

I think I'm going to see if I can co tact them via email as I really struggle on the phone I'm back at my go in Monday I think I may try writing down everything for him

[Heather]

I think any way you feel able to reach out to try and get the help and care you need from services is a good way. Organizations like this get it, too, that's one reason they always give people multiple ways to contact or talk to them.

(I don't know what this -- "back at my go in Monday I think I may try writing down everything for him" -- means, so not sure how to address it, or if it's something you're asking for.)