Scarleteen

Hi all,

I'm a woman having sex with men and I've been sexually active for four years. Even before that, I found vaginal insertion difficult (tampons, masturbation), and assumed it would get easier after having intercourse a couple of times. With my first partner, it took us months to be able to have intercourse, and all the while I was looking up information on vaginismus and the kind of treatment I would have to go through. Because the problem was "solved", I stopped worrying. Now with other partners, I will still experience some difficulty letting my muscles relax, but not all the time - I'm not sure how much this is related to how comfortable I feel with each partner. But what really concerns me is the practical side of things: I would love to be able to use a menstrual cup, or experiment with g-spot stimulation on my own, but it's so hard to insert anything. I don't exactly experience "pain", just a general discomfort and like my vagina is blocked, even after trying to relax, masturbating, and using lube. I recently went to my first gynecologist appointment and it took her about twenty or thirty minutes to do a pap smear, and the speculum kept slipping out - and felt painful.

Am I overthinking a level of discomfort that all women go through, or do I really have a problem? I briefly explained this to the doctor and she said it was okay but I didn't feel reassured.

Hi jo,

There are a number of things that can change how easy or hard it is to insert something. It sounds like you've already tried some of them, such as using lube. You mention that you think some of this might be related to how comfortable you feel, and that's quite possible. Feeling tense or stressed can make it harder to insert things (it can also make it harder to get aroused), and is often a signal that more foreplay is needed. It may even be that sometimes the tension is related to non-sexual stressors in your life. Have you noticed if insertion gets harder on days when you're more stressed?

If you're concerned, would you be open to scheduling an appointment with an OB-GYN to specifically discuss your worries (not just as an add on to a regular check-up)?

I recently went to my first gynecologist appointment and it took her about twenty or thirty minutes to do a pap smear, and the speculum kept slipping out - and felt painful.

When this happened -- because yes, that's a very long time to do a pap, and lordy, sorry that took so long for your sake! -- did the GYN say anything to you about it? was there any discussion about it? In other words, did she suggest anything like vaginismus to you when you said it hurt, and when it was taking so long? Or did she say, for instance, she was relatively new to doing paps so it was about her fumbling, or that she was just having a tough day, etc?

I'm asking because it may be you were already given information from this person that can give us -- and you -- clues about if we're talking about a physical health issue here or not.

Thank you both so much for your replies!

Heather wrote: When this happened -- because yes, that's a very long time to do a pap, and lordy, sorry that took so long for your sake! -- did the GYN say anything to you about it? was there any discussion about it? In other words, did she suggest anything like vaginismus to you when you said it hurt, and when it was taking so long? Or did she say, for instance, she was relatively new to doing paps so it was about her fumbling, or that she was just having a tough day, etc?

She was interning for the actual GYN I'd set up the appointment with, but she said she'd done them before and seemed sure of herself, as least as far as I could tell. I told her quickly before that I have trouble relaxing my muscles, and when it was over I asked her about vaginismus, if she thought it was my case and if it was serious; she said because insertion/penetration IS possible, just takes longer to get there, that I shouldn't worry, and that she has had patients who couldn't get through the procedure at all.

But I think I'm going to follow through with Sam's suggestion and schedule an appointment just to talk about this because I don't like the idea of a medical professional telling me that pain is normal and that I shouldn't worry...

I think that seeing a more experienced provider (so, not that intern) and getting their opinion would be a very good idea. For sure, people need to learn, but it sounds like that intern would have given you much better service if she'd sought some input from the gyn she was working for. Like Heather said, 20 to 30 minutes is a pretty long time, and suggests that maybe she needed some better guidance about how to work with patients on that procedure, or you would benefit from some further investigation, or possibly both. It would've been much more helpful to you for someone to give you a more educated picture of what was going on there!