Break-Up Anxiety

[abbytaylor2]

Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years, everything seemed great. We even started at the same college together (sophomores now) last may we broke up because he was confused about his sexuality and he ended up dating a guy for a few months. We were broken up until November when he decided he wanted to get back together. However last friday he told me he was really stressed out in school and he just didn't want a relationship so we took a week long break and then Thursday officially broke up. I respect his decision and I want him to be successful and happy. But I'm just having a difficult time coping life without him, but I'm not exactly sure that the relationship was the most healthy. For the most part we had a lot of fun together and the time we spent together was amazing. But at times I found myself questioning whether or not this was how a relationship was supposed to be, especially during our arguments. Mostly during the arguments, he would get mad over little things that really didn't matter, like if I wouldn't pick him up from work or take him to work or once when I put his clothes in the closet wrong. He would then normally just stop talking to me. Most of the time I would get frustrated trying to talk to him while he was ignoring me and I would leave and he would end up texting me saying to come back and we could talk which always ended with me apologizing even if it was something that didn't need an apology. I really need some advice on what to do to cope during this situation and also what happens if he decides he wants to get back together?

[Sam W]

Hi abby,

I;m sorry to hear you're going through a break-up, as those are not a lot of fun (even if they ultimately turn out to to be for the best). We have this article that you might find helpful right about now:
Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking

From what you're describing, it does sound like there were some not-healthy things about this relationship. Particularly the pattern where he would give you the cold shoulder over little things, and where you would end up apologizing no matter what. That's at best a sign of busted communication, and at worst a sign of manipulation on his part. In terms of what to do if he wants to get back together, the place to start is before that happens (if it does) taking some time to think about what you want from a relationship (and what you don't want), and whether or not you could realistically expect those things from a relationship with him. We have some articles that can make that process easier:
Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship
Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models