Scarleteen

Hello.
My dad beats me on occasion- not more than once or twice every two years.
I have no scars or permanent marks.
I count it as abuse.
In my mind corporal punishment is okay, but it is NOT okay for someone to punish in anger and/or punish someone who doesn't know what they did wrong.
The bruises don't last longer than a week, generally disappearing within four days.
A couple times he hit me with a stick, it was a broken broom handle that actually broke on me.
Last time was several months ago, with a belt.
He's diabetic and has a short temper, which I inherited.
I talk about this with my mom, and she doesn't leave him because he needs her.
I can admit that although I want to be away, losing us would break him.
I sometimes think that he deserves it.
I have three siblings, all older than me, and all in university across the globe.
My family is religious, except me.
I talked with my mom about me not being religious, but I'm afraid what would happen if my dad found out.
He grew up in a very religious family so it's a cultural thing.
Am I overreacting?
He generally spoils me and calls me pet names. Basically if I ask for something within reason, it's mine.
I'm the baby in the family.
My sibling are all at least seven years older than me, and mom says it was worse for them.
I can't do anything, and of late I've been feeling slightly inclined to self-harm and a second suicide attempt.
I need help, because I don't want to die.
-M

Just for the record, we consider -- as do most anti-abuse and child and adolescent mental and physical health advocacy organizations -- corporal punishment an abuse as well. It is various physical abuses by definition, and we do not consider there to be "good" motivations for abuse. It, like other forms of abuse, is about intimidation and control.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been living with abuse in your family. The only responsible thing we can ever do in these situations, as an organization and service that isn't set up to intervene with in-family abuse, is to concern ourselves with the safety of the person who is reporting being abused, and to try and find local resources for you to get help so that you can get safe and away from abuse. Are you open to exploring those?

We cannot address suicidality here, as we lack what's needed to do so responsibly and well. We can, however, help you find suicide hotlines or local care resources if you would like.