Scarleteen

Posted: **Thu Mar 03, 2016 2:11 pm**

If this doesn't count as abuse feel free to shuffle this thread into another section. Swearing and physical abuse mentions ahead. oh and self harm I guess. OP is in Scotland.

I'm 23 and autistic, last week my mum said she was going on holiday for 9 days - I'm not very great at the whole independence thing and wanted to give it a try, I told her instead of going to x relatives' I'd be staying home. She kept disagreeing with me but I wanted to press my point - honestly, the dad is on/off abusive (No incidents in months, they're spread out over a long period of time so it feels like a mindscrew to label it but the tl;dr is I don't feel safe with them there and feel more free when he's not home) so I was looking forward to being able to enjoy my own home without that. Every time I hear his van come up there's this feeling of lost freedom and a sort of disappointment. I don't want a dad and haven't in years.

I tried to keep reminding her I would be staying home to get the message across that this isn't a "I'll complain but ultimately relent" thing. Well, come the day she was going to drive off to go on holiday (today) everything went to shit. I woke up to her unplugging my computer to pack it off to go to the relatives', after all that time insisting I wanted to stay home. I was furious, said a lot of sour shit and ultimately she smacked me when I tried to take my belongings back and proceeded to drag me screaming into the car. I kept screaming and shouting but I was locked in and I'm just going to cry recounting this now. Self-harmed in the car and continued to be hostile, because as far as I'm concerned isn't this a form of kidnap? I did not consent to being taken in that car, period. I would have jumped out the goddamn window if they weren't blocking my exit.

I'm posting to ask a) What is my legal recourse here? (I'm in Scotland, the north east) I just want someone to send me home no fuss, I have the keys in a pocket so that's not a problem, the relatives I'm staying with are nice but they're a bit too passive regarding what she's doing right now. b) can you super-definitely confirm yes this is abusive" or not, because I'm struggling on these points:

Ableism. There's a sense of "oh well you struggle to look after yourself so it's totally reasonable for a 23 year old adult to be carted off to a relatives' like an unruly teenager." that's difficult not to internalise to an extent.
I do struggle with self-care, but...it's my own house. There is a limited number of things that can go wrong - her 'reason' is that I'm inept as shit and prone to "I wear these clothes for days on end, get lost and forget to eat a bit sometimes and don't lock the door" but honestly, I didn't plan on going outside all that much and I wanted to do this as 'looking after myself+house' practice. I want a chance to just be able to screw up like other twenty year olds do but not be infantilized and coddled to death for it. My brother let bread go green from mold in his apartment (like literally green, this isn't hyperbole) and had to get emergency services called once because he climbed on a roof and got stuck but he's off in Edinburgh. He gets his chance to screw up and learn, I don't.
Concerns for my well-being I get, but a) I know who to call if I get into trouble (trouble being "help fell down a hole/fire alarm won't go off/what is this strange device you call a washing machine/there is a bee in the house and I hate bees send halp", I don't think I've ever seriously injured myself) b) I'd prefer it if people had tried to find an actual compromise that involved me staying home. Wellness checks = fine, I get "u ok" in public half the time because my stony/distant expression from autism sends up "probably ate all of the drugs" alarm bells. Someone staying with me = not quite my 'I want a holiday of my own aka personal space' idea I envisioned but it would have been better than being dragged inside a car screaming and yelling.
I'm spoilt. I feel like a spoilt brat but abused at the same time because as much as I'm allowed to not pick up after myself...when I want to push for "let's do this big independence thing" I suddenly can't. I can't fry food late at night if she knows about it for instance because "oh you would get hurt". There's minimal expectations for me but at the same time I'm a low-level distant-idealizing level of suicidal and the dad is definitely an abuser. (You can't threaten to evict someone, threaten to break your sons' jaw, get drunk and bash things around, punish your child for calling the police on your raging drunk ass and not be some form of abusive honestly, strict pattern adherence or not. My first memory is of him grabbing and smacking me as a toddler because I told him I ripped the wallpaper in my room. The memory cuts out after a scream when I'm being dragged over a lap. I had said "daddy, look what I've done", I was a fucking kid I probably didn't even know it was wrong)
I said a lot of vitriolic shit when she took my computer and carted me off on the day. To an outsiders' eyes, "oh, spoilt screaming bitch is throwing a tantrum because she doesn't have her computer" but it's my only way of contacting people who can see the abusive shit for what it is. My best friend that was in walking distance pretty much said "you wouldn't exist without him", blood relatives are some mess of "x was a long time ago", "oh [my name] is stuck in the past you know how men get a bit drunk and say things they don't remember", insert whatever else here. To her it's not abuse because her parents used more corporal punishment and that sets some magical abuse bar I guess. (I suspect there's generational abuse involved since an uncle kicked me as a kid once when they were drunk and there's a general "men are angry, punishment is angry scolding" vibe to the family. Lot of extended relatives, so patterns show)
My friends online, for the most part, see it for what it is. The irl friend I suspect has some "oh it's not abuse because then that would mean my experiences were abuse" going on and I get that, but the dismissiveness is hurtful. It's also a lot easier to tune out of an online person going "oh it's not abuse because insert reasons", walk away etc. I suspect her taking the computer away also set off memories of years ago when I called the police on him being drunk and abusive then woke up to her unplugging my computer as punishment. It feels like I'm having all control wrenched from me.
Okay, to extrapolate on the above...I said/did a lot of nasty shit during. Screaming, 'fuck you', 'you're an insert expletive', threw dirty sleet at the car, the self-harm inside the car was partially another 'fuck you I'm mad' thing. The smacking was because I was trying to take my computer out of the car, she then proceeded to drag me inside because might as well kill two birds with one stone I guess. I get that abuse requires a power imbalance and mutual abuse isn't really a thing, but it's hard not to fall into the mindset of "oh well you did x when you were upset by people treating you like a child, ergo they were totally justified/isn't abuse because everyone acted bad so let's just spread the blame around equally rather than address who started it". (Part of why I don't get on with my brother, sometimes shit was like "let's go to school and get bullied then come home to another bully who will have absolutely nothing done about their behaviour")

I'm not in danger right now and I'm in a weird state of calm I'd best describe as...have you seen the "this is fine" comic where the dog says that but they're in a house that's on fire representive of a bad situation? I was stressed out to the point of suicidal ideation if I couldn't escape and now it's just...'okay'. But I think maybe a fake, programmed kind of 'okay' like a caged bird that doesn't know there's better out there.
I asked a friend if they could pick me up but it's a long drive and she doesn't feel up to it, I'm going to get to ask a police station tomorrow. I just want to be free. Living with the 'dad' is like this frog I saw in college - they were holed up in a corner of my aquarium(my room in this metaphor) so often that everyone just thought it was their thing, but turns out they were afraid the larger frog would eat them. When that frog died, they came down and explored the environment as normal. I've been trying to play games and do escapism for hours every day and avoid the person I can't stand to live with, I've been doing this for years and I just want to be free.

Posted: **Thu Mar 03, 2016 5:06 pm**

Can I first check with you if you're legally responsible for your own self or whether either of your parents or anyone else has any legal guardianship or Power of Attorney over you or your affairs? Also, do you have any existing contact with any social services or disability/autism organisations? Those things don't make a difference to the specifics here, but they do make a difference to what courses of action are most appropriate or important.

Any information about your legal situation is way, way outside my expertise (unsurprisingly, as we're sex and relationships people

); my very best advice - and anyone's best advice, I think - is for you to get connected with organisations in Scotland who Do have that expertise and who would be able to advise you, support you and advocate for you, if necessary. Do you already have contact with or knowledge of any advocacy org for disabled people and/or people on the autistic spectrum? If you need some help finding something like that, I can help look around online for you, and I also have a couple of contacts I can try for recommendations. Scotland's usually pretty good at having socially progressive supports and advocacy, so I'm sure there'll be something good and appropriate, even if it's not terribly local.

Can I also clarify what it is that you need help with? I'm hearing that right now, you're in a place you don't want to be, and you want to go home, and you want help for that. Do I have that right? You're also describing a long-term and serious unhappiness with your living situation and your parents, and behaviour by your parents that's not okay. Do you want or need some help around that? For example, when someone says that they don't feel safe with the people they live with, like you have, it's appropriate to consider what other living arrangements might be possible.

It wasn't okay of your mother to take you somewhere against your will or to smack you. That's just not a way to treat another human being. It sounds truly frightening and distressing, and I'm so sorry she did that to you. Yes, it sounds abusive to me: using physical force against another person is physical abuse. An appropriate way to deal with concerns about your safety and wellbeing, and the security of the property, would be to work with you in advance to figure out ways of addressing those things, and/or arranging someone to stay with you or a place for you to stay that's acceptable to you - just like you said yourself above. Just making her own decisions without incorporating your wishes in any way? That's dehumanising and takes away your basic rights.

With reference to your father and his drunken behaviour: with things like physical violence or threats of physical violence, there doesn't need to be a pattern for it to be abuse. Those behaviours in themselves are simply abusive behaviours. I'm sorry to hear that a lot of people around you have been minimizing those things. It doesn't become magically better just because it was some time ago, or didn't happen often. You get to feel how you feel: if you still feel unsafe around him, that's absolutely legitimate.

You know, I don't think I'd frame it as "spoilt". I'd see it as another wrong thing that adults sometimes do to disabled young people: not give the tools and ability to live one's own, independent life (however that might look). Parents are supposed to enable their kids/young people to learn skills and shift towards a more autonomous life; depending on the person's needs and abilities, that can look a little different, but it should still be done. I would agree that seriously depriving someone of the opportunity and ability to become more autonomous is a form of abuse.

If you need help immediately, then yes, the police is a far better option than none at all. I think what I'd suggest generally, though, is to first try to connect with an advocacy organisation who could advise you on how best to approach the police in order to get the best response, and who may also be able to advocate for you. Are you able to find an organisation like that where you are, or would you like any help with that?

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 3:35 am**

Thanks for the response, the validation is nice. I veered off into rambling territory so I'll try to more succintly adress questions here.

Redskies wrote:Can I first check with you if you're legally responsible for your own self or whether either of your parents or anyone else has any legal guardianship or Power of Attorney over you or your affairs? Also, do you have any existing contact with any social services or disability/autism organisations? Those things don't make a difference to the specifics here, but they do make a difference to what courses of action are most appropriate or important.

I'd say the mum has legal responsibility - part of the coddledness is I just don't handle my own shit, the paper/legal specifics/arranging for a social worker is what the 'real' or higher tier of adults do. So there's a lot of things I just don't know/ask about because someone else is handling it, I couldn't tell you where the hell a bill goes for instance.

Redskies wrote:Do you already have contact with or knowledge of any advocacy org for disabled people and/or people on the autistic spectrum? If you need some help finding something like that, I can help look around online for you, and I also have a couple of contacts I can try for recommendations. Scotland's usually pretty good at having socially progressive supports and advocacy, so I'm sure there'll be something good and appropriate, even if it's not terribly local.

This is stuff I could technically google but if you feel up to searching for me that's appreciated.

Redskies wrote: Can I also clarify what it is that you need help with? I'm hearing that right now, you're in a place you don't want to be, and you want to go home, and you want help for that. Do I have that right? You're also describing a long-term and serious unhappiness with your living situation and your parents, and behaviour by your parents that's not okay. Do you want or need some help around that? For example, when someone says that they don't feel safe with the people they live with, like you have, it's appropriate to consider what other living arrangements might be possible.

Yes to the first, the reason for this thread is: I wanted to stay home for her holiday but she ignored my requests and forcibly moved me into a car despite my extreme distress. I was looking forward to staying home so it's immensely disappointing, I'd like to know of any recourse I could have that would let me go home - driving distance is a long thing. Bolding because this is something I could have done with emphasizing in the first thread.

Redskies wrote:It wasn't okay of your mother to take you somewhere against your will or to smack you. That's just not a way to treat another human being. It sounds truly frightening and distressing, and I'm so sorry she did that to you. Yes, it sounds abusive to me: using physical force against another person is physical abuse. An appropriate way to deal with concerns about your safety and wellbeing, and the security of the property, would be to work with you in advance to figure out ways of addressing those things, and/or arranging someone to stay with you or a place for you to stay that's acceptable to you - just like you said yourself above. Just making her own decisions without incorporating your wishes in any way? That's dehumanising and takes away your basic rights.

yyyyep. Part of my verbal lashing out was because she tried to pull "oh you're lucky, if it was my mother she would have-" cards. I may have gotten pissed and thrown the suicidal status in her face. (eg "oh yeah im so lucky i live with an abusive idiot and want to die" kind of lines. Not okaying it granted but having someone belittle your situation = frustrating)
I guess I'm gonna have to process that she's not just an abusers' ally but one herself

. As the go-to 'safer' parent (one uses what I call fear parenting, the other disciplines very little) that's...hard.

Redskies wrote:With reference to your father and his drunken behaviour: with things like physical violence or threats of physical violence, there doesn't need to be a pattern for it to be abuse. Those behaviours in themselves are simply abusive behaviours. I'm sorry to hear that a lot of people around you have been minimizing those things. It doesn't become magically better just because it was some time ago, or didn't happen often. You get to feel how you feel: if you still feel unsafe around him, that's absolutely legitimate.

Yeah. It's frustrating because she sees wifebeaters as "why does she even stay with him" but thinks I should forgive (read: bond with an abuser and act like it didn't happen) him and that's a load of shit.

Redskies wrote:You know, I don't think I'd frame it as "spoilt". I'd see it as another wrong thing that adults sometimes do to disabled young people: not give the tools and ability to live one's own, independent life (however that might look). Parents are supposed to enable their kids/young people to learn skills and shift towards a more autonomous life; depending on the person's needs and abilities, that can look a little different, but it should still be done. I would agree that seriously depriving someone of the opportunity and ability to become more autonomous is a form of abuse.

...point. It's tricky because most of the time I'm fine with the freedom to do nothing provided or I'll resist a push to do something (because who doesn't want to do 0 chores?) but when I do want to do something new/more complicated there's...resistance.

Redskies wrote:If you need help immediately, then yes, the police is a far better option than none at all. I think what I'd suggest generally, though, is to first try to connect with an advocacy organisation who could advise you on how best to approach the police in order to get the best response, and who may also be able to advocate for you. Are you able to find an organisation like that where you are, or would you like any help with that?

Help/organizations appreciated - I might be going to ask a police station today "this is kidnap right, also am I allowed to go home" which is a pretty inept-sounding way of doing it but I don't know how else you'd phrase it.

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 5:40 am**

Hi Iwanthelp,

Thank you for clarifying some of that for us! I second what Redskies said, in that your best bet is going to be finding some local resources to help you out both in the immediate situation and in the ongoing situation with your parents. I would especially encourage you to talk to someone before going to the police, as they can help you figure out how best to present what's going on and what kind of legal language to use to help the police take the case seriously. I've found a few resources, although Redskies may also know of others that I've missed. The first is this helpline:
http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines.aspx
That looks like a good starting place, and the person on it will hopefully be able to refer you to a more specific resource. This is the link to that groups Scotland specific resources: http://www.autism.org.uk/services/scotland.aspx . There is also another Scotland specific one here that has a helpline: http://www.scottishautism.org/our-servi ... -services/

Just so you know, a cursory check on my end revealed those organizations to be okay, but if you happen to know that one or both is not so good, then it's okay to avoid it

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 6:19 am**

Thanks. I'll try to hold off on the 'ask the police station' thing until I've contacted someplace else first - it seems like the best since when I can't explain myself I get frustrated and communication tanks so I see what you're getting at there. (and it tanks extra if I get a dismissive response) Maybe I can get the social worker to look at this thread sometime, idk. (they are a rare and elusive unicorn because I have no idea how to summon them beyond 'the mum makes them show up sometimes')

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 6:27 am**

You're welcome, I hope they turn out to be useful. Something we recommend to folks for when they are talking to an authority figure (cops, social workers, teachers, etc) is, if you're worried about getting frustrated or flustered in your communication, write down the important points you want to get across. That way, you feel less like you're floundering.

I might also ask whoever you end up contacting about ways to find out who your social worker is and how to start working with them directly (has your mom even told you the full name of the person you work with?)

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 11:08 am**

I've emailed nas@nas.org.uk (National Autistic society email listed on a site, the initial automated response mentions it may be "3-5 working days" before they reply. The place/relatives I'm staying with isn't bad so I'm okay with a wait period really (Honestly, I get they're technically enabling her but my autonomy feels a lot more respected here if that makes any sense - any limitations are more like "don't stay up on the PC to x time" which is fine by me since I'm a guest staying and they take me out to do stuff)

I probably should've asked them about "who is my goddamn social worker even" but emails' already been sent and I'm not sure she's strictly autism-related, there was a bunch of whatsitcalled over housing lists and wait periods to get one etc. I think she was meant to be more of a boost for getting my own apartment type deal eventually. I also don't remember her name because I'm more of a faces than a names person - it's definitely something I'll keep in mind though, I mean her job is to be on my side here. I don't think realistically I could get ahold of her soon but it's something I'm gonna keep in mind.

Thanks a lot to the both of you, you do good work for people that need it. The site is pretty good for me, I get a giggle at some of the sex ed questions but learn serious shit among the way.

Posted: **Fri Mar 04, 2016 12:16 pm**

I'm glad you've been able to start this process for yourself. I hope the National Autistic Society is able to provide you with the support and advice that you need.

The NAS probably wouldn't be able to tell you who your social worker is because they probably don't have access to that information. They would likely be able to advise you on how to find out, though. The quickest way of finding out would probably be to ask your mum for the social worker's name, telephone number, and email address if she has that - but only if you feel it's safe for you to ask her. Your mum should absolutely give you that information - she already should have, and the social worker should also have made sure that you knew how to get in contact with them yourself if you wanted or needed to.

If you find it hard to remember names, a good way of dealing with that is to keep a deliberate record of important names, addresses and telephone numbers. You can do that in a file on your computer or in a small writing book (or address book) that you can keep with you. Lots of people keep those records both on computer and in a written book, in case of losing the book or serious computer crashes. You can also ask someone to write their name and contact details down for you, and then copy it into your book and computer file.

You're very welcome.

Posted: **Sun Mar 13, 2016 11:16 am**

Little update to say I am back home at the moment, parents (Don't want to type that but no other word works grammatically) are back tonight. I did get an email response but I'm not entirely sure what route to chase up first - a lot of links were dropped, recommendations appreciated. I'll quote the email here.

Hello,

Thank you for your enquiry.

I'm sorry for not being able to get back to you sooner. We get lots of enquiries and we're working hard to get back to everyone as fast as we can. I hope that you'll still find this information helpful.

I understand that you would like some advice regarding what your rights are, following your situation with your family. I am sorry to hear that you had a difficult time.

Firstly, I understand that you would like to know what your legal rights are. This unfortunately, is something that we cannot advise on as we are not legally trained. There is a service called The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) provide an Equality Advisory Support Service (EASS) who can provide advice and guidance on rights, responsibilities and good practice based on equality law and human rights. They might be able to help you if you feel you have been discriminated against or been unfairly treated with regard to the Equality Act. Their number is 0808 800 0082. They also have a website: http://www.equalityhumanrights.com

Bar Pro Bono is a charity which helps to find free legal assistance from volunteer barristers. It was established to provide free advice and representation in deserving cases where Legal Aid is not available, or where the applicant is unable to afford legal assistance. Please note that the helpline is open 10:00am - 2:00pm on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. For more information, please contact: 020 70923960 or see their website: http://www.barprobono.org.uk/

If you want further legal advice or representation, we have an Autism Services Directory (http://www.autism.org.uk/directory) where you can search for legal firms that we know of, that have an understanding of autism. You can search using the directory link and searching on the category 'Advocacy - legal'.

It may well be worth contacting your local social services authority in order for them to carry out an assessment of your needs and wellbeing and for you to let them know how you feel regarding how your family are treating you. Your local authority may be able to support you with the right care and input that you need. For more information about requesting support from social services, please see our information: http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-au ... dults.aspx

MIND are able to provide information on a range of topics including types of mental distress, where to get help, drug and alternative treatments and advocacy. They are also able to provide details of help and support for people in their own area. Contact details for MIND: 0300 123 3393 or email: info@mind.org.uk

Do you have anyone nearby that can support you with this? As well as someone that can go with you if you are speaking with the police or your GP etc? If you need an advocate, we have details of advocates that have told us they can cater for people with autism. Again, there are details on our directory that you can search under 'Advocacy- general'.

It's really important that you access support as soon as possible. Have you spoken with your GP about what it happening?

Secondly, you asked about what to say to the police. I have included our information on the criminal justice system that you may find useful as it explains more about visits to the police station that you may find useful. We also have a pack for professionals that work in the Criminal Justice System, which may be useful to pass onto any professional that you come into contact with. We also have information for professionals to help them to learn more about autism. Here are the links below:

http://www.autism.org.uk/professionals/ ... stice.aspx

http://www.autism.org.uk/products/core- ... onals.aspx

http://www.autism.org.uk/professionals.aspx

I hope that's useful. Please don't hesitate to contact us again if you need to ask anything else.

We aim to provide the best service possible. Would you be able to give us some feedback? If so, please fill in this survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/autismhelpline

The feedback you give us helps us develop and improve the service we offer, so that we can help to make sure autistic people are understood, supported and appreciated. All information is treated as confidential.

Kind Regards,

Anna
Helpline Adviser

The National Autistic Society Autism Helpline: 0808 800 4104 (free from landlines and mobile networks) *Opening hours: Mon-Thurs 10-4pm, Fri 9-3pm
http://www.autism.org.uk

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The Helpline has an expertise and thorough understanding of most areas in the UK. However, it is our policy to provide the best quality local information. This means we may at times refer you on to other organisations. We cannot guarantee the service of other organisations we refer you on to.

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Until everyone understands

Posted: **Mon Mar 14, 2016 2:07 am**

Can't edit posts so I'll prattle on for a bit I guess - the mum isn't really helpful, I point out I'm not talking to her until she admits she was wrong and she just uses the fact I didn't lock doors at various points as an excuse for what she did. Or "you could have went in the car".

Had a freakout during the visit away from home because I didn't want to show a sent email regarding the matter to a relative (was showing him the email response above), they wouldn't drop the topic when I wanted to, compared me to a freaking infant ("if she left an x month old in her home and walked off she would get in trouble" okay yeah best analogy to use for a disabled person not) and expressed disbelief that she would drag me into the car because of her size. (She's a nurse. She'd know how to move people plus I had another parent join in and I weigh less than she does, I was being dragged with her behind taking me forwards and recanting it is just stressful)

Sometimes I think evicting myself to just float around until I die or go live in a homeless shelter instead would be best. The systems' just broken.

Posted: **Mon Mar 14, 2016 7:14 am**

I'm really sorry your relative wasn't supportive and was so literally infantilising. That's so inappropriate! It's really wrong. Good gracious, you're a young adult, with a mind and opinions and skills of your own, not a baby.

I know the system can be difficult to navigate, and I wish it were much easier for you and for many other people to access the support you deserve. I definitely understand feeling desperate or frustrated when it's so hard - I So do - but I'm going to strongly suggest against giving up or making yourself homeless. You deserve safer and better options than those, and the better options do exist, it just might take some time to find them and to set them up.

That is a lot of information in that email! I'm very happy to help you figure out what your next actions might be.

I think it'd be a very good idea for you to get an advocate. An advocate is someone who can help you figure out how to navigate the system in order to get what you need, they can help you deal with and understand information if you need that, and they can help you communicate with official people and organisations or with your family if necessary. An advocate has no power over you; they can have power for you, if you want them to. If you want to find out more (and if you haven't seen this already!), here's the NAS's information on advocacy: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/adult-life/advocacy.aspx . If you want to find an advocate, I'm happy to help you do that if you need.

Do you know which local authority you live in? That'd be very helpful to know, and you'll also need to know that. If you don't, putting your town/city in a search engine along with "local authority" should tell you. If you're comfortable saying here what town/city you live in, I'm also happy to look for you.

Once you know which local authority is yours, it's also a good next move to look for information about their social services. Any support you might need, your living situation, your social worker: all that will fall under the responsibility of Social Services.

It can take some time to get the right supports set up. In the meantime, it's a good idea to try to identify anyone you already know who might be able to help you. How do you feel about your GP or another doctor you've seen - do you feel like they respect you and support you? If you need help more quickly, talking to a doctor you trust can be a good way of getting that, and the doctor can make sure you're safe and start making connections for you with social services and other supports. Is there anyone else in your life, like a friend, colleague, or relative, who supports you?

Posted: **Mon Mar 14, 2016 7:31 am**

Redskies wrote: Do you know which local authority you live in? That'd be very helpful to know, and you'll also need to know that. If you don't, putting your town/city in a search engine along with "local authority" should tell you. If you're comfortable saying here what town/city you live in, I'm also happy to look for you.

Scotland, Aberdeen. It's a city in the north-east - thanks for the response, I'll get around to processing it (Am guilty of holding off on the email because "eeh maybe getting legal action against people I live with would be awkward/end badly" and general avoidant tendencies when stressed, already a bit tense here as it is)

On an unrelated note I'm noticing a lot of differences between me when I was at a safer relatives' and me here. I moved around that place a lot more freely because I wasn't trying to constantly de-stress with browsing and holing up in a room to avoid an abuser, I got more things done in a day and was pretty placid about chores/etc I was prompted to do. (Washing dishes soon after use is pretty quick I guess) Didn't eat brekfast beyond stuff that was at the table today, had a weird rage period followed by a longer sad one. So...I guess my independence increases without a load of bad shit going on.
Gonna do spaghetti then process the rest of the post, thanks a lot for the response. man 'thanks a lot' always sounds sarcastic, I mean literally thanks, does perk me up a bit.

Posted: **Mon Mar 14, 2016 10:28 am**

It's always okay to take whatever time you need to process information.

It's often the case that we become more functional and more capable when we're feeling safer and less stressed. I'm glad that you were able to experience more independence. It's very understandable to feel angry or sad if we're living in a place where we don't feel safe or don't have enough of an independent life!

I have some more specific information for you! I searched around on the internet for what services might be helpful and local to you, and I made a call to Scottish Autism's advice line, because the specifics of what you need are outside my expertise and I wanted to be more sure I'm suggesting the right things to you. (I'm pretty good with general disability rights, and myself and more of my family and friends than not are disabled, but things like someone's specific legal rights and local area services are outside my knowledge.) Scottish Autism and the person I spoke to sound great. They don't themselves know in detail about what's available to you locally, but they'd be happy to help find you the right people for the information you need or to talk with you more generally about your life and anything you need. Their page is http://www.scottishautism.org/family-an ... vice-line/ . If you'd rather email than telephone, they're happy for you to email the advice line on adviceATscottishautism.org and communicate with you over email. (Obviously use @ rather than AT - I'm trying to save them getting spammed

) I know it says "family and professional services" in the link, but they serve you too.

The Aberdeen One Stop Shop is probably the place to use to find the different supports and services you need: they're particularly for autistic people. You can go there, telephone them, or email them. There's a little general information about them (and their address, phone number and email address) here: http://www.autismnetworkscotland.org.uk ... stop-shop/

Where you talk about "taking legal action against" the people you live with, I think it'd be more helpful and more accurate to say instead something like "taking action to have control of my own life". Legal action against someone is usually about punishment or consequences for having done something they shouldn't have. I think your first priority should be yourself: finding out how you might be able to live more safely, or live somewhere different, and how to get your rights respected and the support you need. Even if you decided you wanted to take action against the people you live with, you'd still need to take action for yourself first. Does that make sense? In an emergency or if you don't know where else to turn, then the police are the right people to go to; otherwise, people taking action for you will usually be people who have something to do with things like housing, advocacy, daily life, social supports or services, or education and training.

Scarleteen

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