Scarleteen

A couple weeks ago I told my mother about how I think I have mental illnesses (anxiety and depression). At first she seemed supportive, and she said "mental health needs care just like physical health." All seemed to be going well. Except nothing has happened, in fact things got worse. I decided to tell her about my period problems (I have asked about those here before). Period problems being a lack thereof (my last period was in November and before that May). She told me her period was very irregular, but she was a ballet dancer (as well as doing several other activities), so I don't quite know how that compares. I am active, but not as active.

She ended up telling me in short that (mostly in regards to mental health, but somehow also directed at mental health) it is my fault and my choice, and part of that is because I don't exercise enough (even though I run for 3-4 times a week). I don't quite get her reasoning, though it still made me feel awful. But that is beside the point.

Anyway the reason I am here is because she basically told me to worry less (about my period, and things in general) and make the choice to be happier. However, I would like to get help for both physical and mental health concerns. It seems like she shut down the mental health concerns and getting help for those and the physical health concerns are not going to be addressed for at least 6 months since that is when my next regularly scheduled appointment is.

I am worried and I'm going to worry until I know if this is something (or nothing). I do not feel comfortable going around my mother and going to the doctor without her knowledge. I am comfortable going on my own, I even offered for her not to have to take any part in me going to the doctor and she just said to wait. I don't really feel comfortable asking her about it again because she will give me another lecture about worrying too much or just say I'm complaining. I'm not quite sure what to do.

Hi doglover,

I'm sorry to hear your mom is reacting the way she is (especially after it looked like she was going to be supportive). When you and she talked the last time, where you able to ask her why she had changed her mind?

I think you may be at an impasse in terms of what you can do next. If she really won't budge on this, your options are either to wait (and in both cases that would not be the best option) or you can try going without her. I would say, what happens if you go to a counselor at school, explain to them about your anxiety, and then have them make the recommendation? Would she be responsive to this coming from another adult?

I wasn't I was just kind of listening and trying not to cry..... whoops. I told her about my irregular periods and she said it was fine. I said I would still worry and she told me to worry less. Somehow the whole worrying thing seemed to start her off onto how "if I exercised more I would worry less and if I exercise more I would get more sleep because I would sleep better," which then spun off into other things. It seems like she thinks I'm just worrying because I don't have enough else to do? I'm not quite sure though. Also that isn't the case.

Anyway, I know most schools have a counselor but I do not know how to get access to the one at my school. Much less where to start looking. I don't know if she would be responsive to another adult telling her, but that is if I can get to another adult that would be able to tell her.

Hello there, doglover. Sorry to hear that asking for help has been this hard but I am so happy that you are willing to keep doing it.

I am not an expert on how the school system works in the States but, I'll leave a note for others volunteers so whenever someone with more knowledge comes in they properly answer your question, okay? In the meantime, don't forget to take care of yourself and do something nice for you. Asking for help can be scary but it definitely is worth it.

Hi doglover,

There is definitely a phenomenon where people who aren't experiencing the anxiety (or depression, or other mental health issue) assume that if the person who is experiencing them just does something slightly different, they'll be fine. And that can be very frustrating to be on the other end of.

When trying to locate your school counselor, you could come at it from a few ways. If you school has a website, it will often have a staff directory page that lists who does what (if it's a well built website, it might even include the counselor under something like a "student resources" tab). The other option would be to ask at the front office of the school. You don't have to give them a bunch of details, you can say something simple like "I'm dealing with some rough stuff, and I was hoping to talk to the school counselor. Could you help me set that up?" Hopefully, someone at the office will be able to connect you to the counselor.