What should I tell my crush...?

[possibly_bi]

I'm bisexual but only about 3 close people know. I have a crush on a friend, but she doesn't know of my sexuality. I also don't know for sure what HER sexuality is. What should I do?

[Mo]

Do you think you'd feel comfortable coming out to this friend as a first step? If you talk to her about your crush, that would most likely also involve coming out to her at the same time; while that might feel ok to you, if that seems like a lot of information to give someone at once, it might make things feel a bit easier to have those be two separate conversations. It could be that if she shares information about her sexuality with you during that conversation, you might pick up some cues about her potential interest level.

It's ok, though, if you're not really ready to talk to her at all about it, or feel fine coming out to her but don't really want to talk about your crush yet (or at all). Crushes can sometimes be fun to have even if you aren't in a place where you can or want to let the other person know about them. But if you're ready for a first step, talking with her about your bisexuality could be a new way to connect with her and show that you think highly enough of her to trust her with some really personal information about who you are.

[Heather]

I'd also add that we actually don't have to know someone's sexual orientation to ask if they're interested in us, because it's not like even if their orientation is such that they are or can be attracted to people of our gender, that that alone is what "decides" if someone does or doesn't find us attractive on the whole, will or won't share our romantic or sexual feelings, or will or won't want to explore a sexual or romantic relationship or interaction with us.

In other words, the fact that you're bisexual, after all, doesn't mean you have these feelings for and interests in EVERYONE: there's more to it than that. Make sense?

[possibly_bi]

Thanks, both of you. Those are all super helpful points, and make a lot more sense then anything I was worried about.

[Heather]

You might also find this piece helpful, if you're feeling fearful about rejection: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/polit ... ts_in_a_no