Scarleteen

Firstly, I've talked to staff about this earlier, and they suggested I try to talk to other members here, so I decided why not?
So essentially, I'm not really able to masturbate? The thought disgusts me (in a way that I'm like "wow, I'm so disgusting for even considering that"), and when I'm able to bring myself to do it, I feel nothing but instant regret and intense guilt.
Also, if this may help, nothing really "arouses" me that I know of yet.
Anyone who shares/has shared my problem who would be able to provide advice?
Thank you for taking the time to read through this, or even click on the post in the first place, I truly appreciate it.

Hey there,

I do not share your problem, but I wanted you to know that somebody read this. Besides, have a few thoughts:

- Do you want to masturbate, or is this something you think you should be doing because you are a certain age or because it's considered "normal" to do so? Because sure, masturbation is great, it's very healthy (it truly is), and it can be very helpful for ones sexual life, but it's not like it's something everybody must do.

- It sounds as if you might be putting quite a lot of pressure on yourself, which is never helpful with any kind of sex. How about you take a step back for now and just try out doing things that feel good for you without necessarily being sexual or meant to lead to orgasm? Like take baths, skin care, dance to music you like, whatever makes you happy and lets you feel good about your body?

- Have you any idea where your disgust and discomfort might come from?

Thank you very much for your read and reply.

I would like to, but I do also slightly feel I "should", but not enough to mean anything to me.

I don't really know anything I particularly enjoy that is stimulating physically.

My parents are likely a source, but it's my fault for letting what they say get to me.

So, sounds like one thing you CAN do for yourself here is to start trying different things with your body and your senses to find some of those things.

That could mean:
• Trying out a sport or a new kind of exercise/movement
• Trying out some kinds of physical self-care or pampering, like a long hot shower or bath, or even just some self-massage you can do, like massaging your head, face, neck or feet
• Trying out some creative things that involve physical movement, like playing an instrument or dance
• Adding movement you might enjoy to your day, like walking or riding a bike to school instead of taking a car or bus
• Trying out some multi-sensory things like learning to cook or bake, or gardening

Thank you for the suggestions, but...

I'm not allowed to take long showers, it adds to the water bill.

My school is too far to bike or walk and even if it were, I wouldn't be allowed.

I'm not allowed to bake. My parents say it's dangerous.

As for the other stuff, it's nothing I personally enjoy.

I apologize for being so dense.

This isn't about you being dense. This sounds, in a lot of ways, just about you having parents who are very, very controlling and overprotective to a point that, flatly, isn't healthy for a young person's development. Refusing to let a 14-year-old use the oven because they don't feel they can do so safely is something I think I can safely say most child development and parenting experts would agree is something sound for a toddler, but quite outer limits for a teenager.

I think that at this point, we have a few threads going with you here, but that there's a big underneath-it-all with what's in all of them, which is that being very sheltered -- my sense is this is to quite an extreme level -- and not being supported by your parents when it comes to your own development as a person at your age on top of it sounding like there are some big threads of shaming I suspect have always been at play. I think that combination is also part of why some of their statements hit you so hard and impact you so much, and in a way that doesn't seem to leave any room for you figuring out how YOU feel, or what YOU think or believe.

Well, I certainly can't honestly say I don't agree with your points.
(I'm sorry about this short reply, I'm not entirely sure what to say.)

No worries, not much to say. I added more to our larger conversation, and that's probably a better place to dig in with this, anyway.

Thank you. That's very true.

Hi
First of all I'd like to say I know what it's like to have controlling parents who don't let you be your own person, can't say I've got out of it yet! I know it sounds strange but the above posts are right you need to figure out what makes you feel good not just physically but emotionally. I find that sitting outside in the garden and watching the clouds and birds really relaxing and if your parents are as bad as mine are (totally controlling) and don't let you spend much time in the garden either then sitting on a chair next to an open window and just breathing in the air as you go helps. It's what makes me feel most at peace with myself, my own thoughts and feelings. My issues with masterbation are similar, it's (in my opinion) a shameful thing to do and brings with it a lot of guilt and therefore it's not something your going to enjoy! If your mind is conditioned to believe something is shameful then it's not going to feel good. Somehow we need to re think our minds into believing that it's ok to feel good by ourselves and that our parents can't control that part of our lives! Basically what I think I'm trying to say here is making ourselves feel good in a sexual way might make the other parts of our lives feel a bit better because they can't take that away from us!

Hopefully this helps! Sorry if it doesn't

Thank you very much for your input, I'll take it into consideration.