Scarleteen

I found the way I masturbate to this day at the age of 9 by accident. I cross my legs together in an X shape and squeeze my thighs while humping downward. It does make me orgasm, but it's not an appealing one, since it's only a quick squirt with not much pleasure to it. I'd like to switch to something else that gives me a longer and more pleasurable orgasm, but it doesn't seem like it'll be easy, since...

After the first time I did it, I started doing it every day, to the point where it became a habit instead of for pleasure (and also began to feel less pleasurable). Even after I found out what masturbation was, I had no clue that that was what I was doing, due to me only being taught that it was directly touching yourself. I only found out while I was in the sixth or seventh grade, when my older sister caught me doing it in the living room and told me that that was masturbation. Even then, I kept on doing it every day, since I thought that if I'm doing it out of habit instead of for pleasure, then nothing's wrong with it.

Now, I have a different and more positive look on masturbation, and am trying to find new ways to masturbate that work for me. I've tried several different ways (directly touching my body in various combinations, humping other things besides surfaces I sit on like a pillow, using objects to stimulate my vagina), but strangely, none of them gave me a noticeable orgasm. Only my regular method works. Has masturbating nearly every single day since I was 9 with this method (I'm in the eighth grade now, and 14) damaged my ability to orgasm, or am I doing something wrong? I don't know how long I spend on my masturbation attempts, so maybe I'm not giving myself enough time? I really want to know, because now I'm kinda scared that maybe I won't be able to orgasm during intercourse with a partner in the future .

Hi there sassamander, and welcome to Scarleteen.

First off: you haven't damaged yourself or ruined your chances at future orgasms by masturbating the way you have for so long. Sometimes it just takes some time and experimentation to figure out what works best for you, so I think with time you'll sort things out. When you're taking time to masturbate, are you doing it when you're already feeling some level of desire or arousal? That's a pretty big component of orgasm and sexual response and if that's missing then it is less likely that anything you're doing will feel that amazing. If you are feeling that desire, then it sounds like you may just need some more time. I think you may also find it helpful if you focus on feeling good in general, not just achieving orgasm, as your goal. It can often happen that a laser-focus on orgasm can make it harder to reach it, and orgasm isn't the only thing that makes sex (with a partner or with yourself) enjoyable.

This article about sexual response and orgasm might be a helpful read as well: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

Oh, your first question made me understand my situation a bit! I've always gone into masturbation thinking that it was a process of getting from very little to no desire or arousal to high arousal over time, but I've been thinking about it wrong all along; I should probably get aroused first before going into it. Also, I'll admit that I've alway had an issue with focusing on getting to the orgasm instead of feeling good in the moment, even if I had a pretty vague idea that maybe that was the wrong approach. I'll try my best to stop myself from doing that and look through the article you suggested. Thank you so much, Mo !

You're quite welcome! I'm glad I could help.