Dating as a teenager

[talltyrion]

I'm starting to worry that I don't feel the way I should about my boyfriend. He's a great guy, but sometimes I find myself dreading spending time with him even though I thought I felt the same way about him as he does about me. We're both really introverted, but it's obvious that he really looks forward to seeing me in a way that I don't. I feel like I should be more happy that I'm with him. I'm sixteen, and he's my first boyfriend, and logically, I know that this is a great thing, but it just don't feel that way. Before he asked me out, there was a lot of tension between us as neither knew how to act on our feelings, but I was excited at the possibility of something happening, and I thought I felt the same way about him. Now, I feel almost like I have all the control and I'm going to end up hurting him if I can't reciprocate. On top of everything, we go to a very small boarding school, and whatever happens, we will inevitably see each other everyday, and everyone will know if it ends badly. I knew dating in that sort of community was a bad idea, but I was so excited that he was even interested. If at some point I realize that I only liked the idea of him, and not the person, I don't know what I would do. I'm sorry this is so jumbled, but I have a lot to sort through and I really need advice.

[Heather]

So, the thing about dating is that a big part of what it is is spending time with someone where we have a shared romantic or sexual interest, and then seeing how that goes, including seeing if we want to pursue any ongoing sexual or romantic relationship with who we're dating.

Sometimes we find out we do: other times we find out we don't. There's no right or wrong thing to figure out in this respect, there's just what we do figure out.

It sounds like where you're at is that you've found out that the feelings you have aren't all that strong, and what you've found out in dating him is that you probably don't want to pursue more of an ongoing romantic or sexual relationship. And that's okay. What you need to do now is figure out what you want to do with that realization from here. If that means breaking things off, you can certainly do that in a way that's kind and caring. Breakups can certainly be painful and disappointing, but they don't have to be about one person hurting the other: we can nix things with someone without being hurtful.