Scarleteen

I was recently talking to one of my close friends who just experienced being in a polyamorous relationship for the first time. Although afterwards she decided polyamorous relationships weren't for her, she has also decided that a monogamous two-person relationship may never work for her. For her, she thinks it is unrealistic to be able to get everything she needs in a relationship from just one person and she is so grateful she has recently realized that is it okay to deviate from and want a relationship that isn't a heterosexual monogamous two-person one. What kinds of relationships have you all been in or experienced that felt like they deviated from "the norm" in one way or another?

I've been actively polyamorous for a while now and within that very large framework I've had a few different types of relationships. Just as it took me a while, when I first started dating, to figure out what sort of relationship structure worked for me there, it's taken some time to experiment and see what feels best when I'm dating multiple people. It's an ongoing process, but it's really the best relationship style for me.

I think I'd count long-distance relationships as being outside the norm too; I know they aren't a new phenomenon and that folks have had them for a very long time, but with widespread internet use it seems like (at least from my own observation and life) people are either entering relationships with people when they're already living apart or are moving from in-person to long-distance relationships due to school or work changes more often than before. I'd say there's more mainstream acceptance of LDRs than there is for, say, polyamorous relationships, but still a lot of people express skepticism when they hear someone's dating long-distance.

One of the biggest relationships in my life is my housemate/bestie - I don't really have a good word for our relationship. We were sexually and romantically a thing for a few years and moved in together two years ago but along the way our relationship became non-sexual and we broke up, but decided we still wanted to be close and to live with eachother. I still have people really confused that I live with my 'ex' but that's not how I'd describe our thing... It feels more like we are sort of siblings. I feel like we are parts of each-others polyamory, sexuality, and life choices because we talk about it a lot, and offer each-other a lot of acceptance, even though we aren't sexually/romantically into each-other.

Many friends and colleagues just find it weird. But for us it's pretty fantastic.

Ohhhh do I have a lot to say on this one. I am currently in a monogamous lesbian relationship. My wonderful girlfriend, hereafter known as Clara [not her name], has some trouble with her long and short-term memory, caused by a TBI. She's bisexual, and she's 'some out' to me twice. It makes for a 'different' relationship, because she retells things, forgets whether or not she's told me stuff, including important things, and we choose a few repeat locations for dates because it helps her remember what we talked about last time.

We've established very specific rules about what consent looks like from her and me, because she will forget what she and I have or haven't consented to if it's been awhile since it was discussed. I've long since learned that things like expecting her to remember my prefered meal at a specific restaurant or my book genre preferences is pointless and just creates resentment. Phones are a lifesaver, and she has a 'Silent-Music list' that has all sorts of things like my address, my flat number, a picture of me, my cat, my favourite outfit of hers, and all sorts of silly stuff.

She's a wonderful girlfriend, and I am so lucky to have her.